Board Thread:Survivor 24: Caracol/@comment-24207263-20170513163859/@comment-27018217-20170515035034

Okay well originally I wasn't going to do this because I didn't have time, but with the time extension, and also because of the other roasts, what the hell I'll give it a go.

Alright, let me start with Lori. Our last remaining representitive of the Yajaw tribe. You know, the one that had the two starting flops of the season and the one who got ejected. So Lori has got a lot of weight to make sure the tribe doesn't look completely messy. She's gotta show her stuff. So talk to me Lori...............................................oh right...well I guess I should move on to people who are actually playing the game

Anna! Love your hair. The colour white suits a sheep really well. Also, how does Luis' ass smell? Everyone here knows that your head being so far up it is the reason for your low social game. Even when you do, all I get is "Baa baa Luis baa baa Luis Luis baa baa Talk to Luis baa baa Luis is great baa baa baa".

Also, what's with your mangatar. You look like one of those anime girls that goes nuts when someone breaths on her Senpai. You know, the ones that look like this:



















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<p style="font-weight:normal;">Yeah that one was a bit weak. It's hard to roast someone who is so nice and so clueless to being used. I just feel like a monster doing it.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">Forrest, I love how you called me a meninist, one because it isn't true, and secondly because this is coming from the guy that only works with the girls as long as they do everything he pleases. Kristen rebels: "She's crazy", Anna goes against you: "She's a rat", Lori goes against you: "She's a sheep". Speaking of girls, what about your partner in crime Christine? You said you didn't see that move coming, and I expected you to. Must be nice having such a big ego that you believe you are untouchable. You could give Linus Le Mow a run for his money.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">No seriously though, I've had some fun conversations with Forrest. I actually remember that night he woke me up. Strange, I remember just saying I wasn't exactly a happy waker and that he shouldn't take anything I said to heart. I remember the conversation being very short, and just expressing slight annoyance. I remember not really thinking much of it. Suddenly I'm hearing that I apparently "blew up" at him? Umm Forrest, I want to introduce you to someone. It's your long lost sister, you two have a lot in common

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<p style="font-weight:normal;">I think you too will get along nicely.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">Hey Roodman, can you tell me....I yea I just....I know about that I.....yeah that's cool.........alright so while he's going on about god knows what now, I'd like to talk about Roodman's spirit animal. You know, a parrot. Because just like one, he can't help but repeat back what he's heard to everyone who will listen.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">But hey, this guy is the one that I'm close with right? Everyone knows it, or at least that's what everyone says. Oh Roodman and Hunter, they a pair, they a serious pair, no chance they might actually not be a pair, no chance they might turn on each other right? Wow, didn't know the allies I looked for are people who act without talking first, think that everyone will do the shit they want simply because they gave them the luxery of talking with them, who's view of themselves is so high because they got money for making noise out of a hallowed piece of wood, and who's face looks like a fucking giraffe!

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<p style="font-weight:normal;">While I move on to the last one, since there seems to be a general idea that you know Roodman, can you tell me what my ass smells like? Thanks, that would be much appriciated.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">Finally, my main man Luis. Wow, you really had a lot to say about me. I especially love how I got ANOTHER lecture on Survivor works. It seems you really do like to try and shove your way of thinking down everyone else's throat. Oh by the way, tell me again how having no idols in the game would benefit ME more, and I'll continue to try and figure out when the word YOU became ME.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">Also, you talk like you understand Survivor completely. Except there's one thing you forgot. Here, since you like spelling so much, I'll help you out

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<p style="font-weight:normal;">Yea, you know, those people that your suppose to remain true to? The ones that you aren't suppose to flip on simply because they did one thing you didn't like? Or maybe you put stuff in your head and convinced yourself that people are doing everything against you because you can't accept that fact that MAYBE PEOPLE IN SURVIVOR CAN ACTUALLY BE HONEST!

<p style="font-weight:normal;">HONESTY?! WHAT IS THIS CONCEPT?! LUIS HAS NEVER HEARD ABOUT IT SO IT MUST BE FALSE!

<p style="font-weight:normal;">I'd like to finish this off with a general statement. It seems from these roasts and a couple things that I've heard of lately that I'm being talked about a lot, that I need to go, that I'm a huge Shepard and that I lead the whole Christine blindside (love how I'm taking all the heat for that. The shit I could spill man...). So I find it quite sad that there are some of you who are obssessed over a 17 year old boy from Canada, who has bad acne, who has A.D.D, who has a huge fear of spiders, who's parents are divorced, that is extremely out of shape, is a huge fucking geek, and who's self-view of themselves is so low that they play Online Games of reality shows because they want to find people who will like him and tell him he did a good job because he's unable to do either of those things to himself. That's the guy y'all are obssessed with. If that's your type, my god you're as messed up as I am.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">Love you all. This is probably cringy as shit, but who cares. It's a reward challenge and a fucking roast. Whoever takes this seriously is one of those people who gets offended for minority people even though they aren't part of said minority.