He Needs to Chilllllll/Confessionals

Day 20
"floreal"

- ALRIGHT I'VE HAD IT. That vote was way too close for comfort. Apparently Toby is on a witch hunt for me and according to Jared he thinks I'm some quiet mastermind? I'm literally just here.....minding my own business....but ok. I feel like he's the Drew Christy to my Kelley and I'm not going down without a fight. This merge makes me nervous cause Toby is a huge social threat and if he can convince the right people I could be toast so I'm gonna try and beat him to it and if I can't you best believe I'm going all in on the challenge. It's game on now. https://68.media.tumblr.com/d02295e07a203689ee7e2bda68277eaf/tumblr_ny5929mEkL1talut1o5_400.gif

"thotemanu"

- So, after that big ass disaster called tribal happened, I blew my own idol but everyone thinks it was Aromal... Okay, not bad. I felt like crying a bit ago but I'm okay now

Merge has come, THANK HEAVENS! The first few seconds was wild because people called me daddy ASDFG

I'm meeting some nice and new people. I really like Torsa and Toby, so I hope I can work with them. Torsa even followed me on tumblr asdfg I love her,, Because of the blunder on my part, Aro is my official F2 ride or die because I fucking got myself in this mess, but hey

We'll get thru this

I love messes!! Happy Merge

"thotemanu"

- I am SO EXCTIED that Rhys, was voted out right before merge, he really was a threat for me here bases on past orgs

"thotemanu"

- Well that tribal didn't work out the way it was supposed to but it was a good blindside by the guys. Ting Ting was voted out and honestly I'm almost happy, she was a nice person but MAN was she frustrating to play with. I kept warning her 95000 times that they would be gunning for her and she only believed me until it was too late.

But fuck yeah I made merge AND beat my previous placement!!!!!!!! Me and Asa are trying to join forces with the minority from Floreal (Toby and Torsa) and see where we go with that. Apparently when he mutinied, Tate told Jon that his primary goal was to get the other main org winners out, so if I leak that info at the right time, I could possibly get Jared and Ally on board to work with me too.

"thotemanu"

- https://vocaroo.com/i/s19E6xTlkxle

"thotemanu"

- So this merge tribe is a highkey mess. I've formed an alliance of myself, Jake, Jon, Joey, Tate, and Torsa, but I'm not sure how loyal to them I'll be. I'm rebuilding bridges with Jared, Ally, and Christine, and I'm also pretty close with Aromal and Asa. I feel like I'm moving dangerously close to playing both sides, and that's not a position I like to be in honestly.

"thotemanu"

- I am so excited for the new majority alliance to strt taking over. Consisting of me, Jon, Tate, Toby, Joey and Torsa. Torsa seems really cool, toby I have previous connections with but Joey seems very stand offish, further more Toby was very pushy to form this alliance, putting a little bit of a target on his back.

Myself Jon and Tate are definitely going to keep playing the field, but as long as Ally and Jared are the first two boots, I don't care who I vote with!

"thotemanu"

- Well some semblance of a voting bloc have begun to emerge on the thotemanu tribe. Ally and Jared both told me they want to take the all-male majority from Motu out. They say they have Torsa on board, and I have Toby + Asa with me so that's already 6 right there. The problem is TOBY wants to lead a witch hunt against Christine. I love Toby but he needs to chilllllll and go with the flow for this round at least or he'll end up in trouble. I learned this the hard way on the Motu tribe :'(

Day 21
"thotemanu"

- Ahh the auction. My DOOM in Sumbawa and Chichen Itza. But iirc most auctions have the first item as a good one so that's why I bid 500 on it. I'd guess that someone else put in 500 for the first item too, but eh even if I get nothing its better than something bad.

"thotemanu"

- Confessional: It's the merge time, which I expected and I'm very glad about because no one wants to be a pre-merge loser, no offense. Right away I heard theres some type of all boys alliance(plus Torsa) that I wasn't included in which I'm completely fine with because all they're probably doing is trying to find out which of them has the biggest dick or something weird and cringy. I just love that they decided not to include me specifically because I'm getting the sole blame for getting Mikey & Rhys out which I guess is kinda true because I started both of them so they're probably threatened by me, since Joey & Torsa voted them just like I did and they're still included, which is a new feeling for me since usually I'm not playing more of a bold type of game. So far I don't have a problem with anybody except that fuckboy squad of Toby, Jake, Jon, and Tate. But for now I'll gladly play the lone wolf role because eventually I'm coming for them and I'm going to try my hardest to defeat them.

"thotemanu"

- I'm kind of bummed that I am exiled to this tribal, but super stoked that I'm safe. I just hope that the "Main thots" alliance can stick together and pull a number for majority. I wish I was over there, but first merge tribals are always crazy, and everyone is going to be playing their advantages, so I'm happy to be away from that!

Day 22
"thotemanu"

- So, I won individual immunity, but it's a secret! I have a vote steal, and I have Pandora's Box. I've only told Jon about the first two, he's the only player that actually seems to be somewhat interested in keeping an alliance strong and loyal etc, even though I know perfectly well he has better duos than me. Hopefully this irrelevant information helps him trust me more. The vote steal will come in handy later, and I'm obviously not playing it this tribal. The immunity shouldn't mean much, but it's mostly interesting because Tate claims to have one too. Now, I quite doubt that, but I'm willing to sit on that doubt for a little while. For all I know, he's being honest, and a big liar accusation is not what I need. Pandora's box is especially interesting, Ali and Julia have joined us for a bit, hurrah, but I did look up what it does. According to the BB wikia, PB always does something for the rest of the house and something for HoH. It's done something for the whole house/tribe, so I'm expecting it to do something for me soon...

"thotemanu"

- So I've found out a few things about some other players items - Jon has an extra vote and dark pearl, and I'm pressuring him to play the former this tribal. Asa's public votes should prove #messy, and Aro's vote spy has me wary. However, I'd say the most interesting item is Tate's, due to his likely lie. Hmmm...

"thotemanu"

- Well I was excited for the auction results but then I ended up with only one item while I think Ally had the most. I feel kinda dumb...

Also Toby unleashed the Pandora's Box, bringing two people into the game who are supposed to annoy us. It's not really working but Julia keeps talking about Kerala and teasing me about being a goat back then, which is making me kinda sad thinking about it. I was, I guess the goat, but it was literally because I had stopped trying and wanted to get out because I realized even if I made it to the end I wouldn't be able to win. It makes me sad thinking about it because it feels like even though I got further than everyone else, I wasn't any good, not good enough. I wish I had been given some sort of congratulations. Maybe I'm just being sensitive.

I remember the other time I went to an FTC, before Kerala, my speech was me giving up my game because I thought it wasn't good enough. I was ignored by people in their jury speeches, one at least complimented my personality but said my game was not spectacular, another said I was a coward for making my speech about not feeling worthy to win, that I should just quit playing ORGs altogether, that I was basically mocking the jurors who didn't make it to the end by just giving up. Obviously, I didn't listen, it still made me feel down. I wanted to make a huge response to that guy in the speech thread, but after I typed it all up and read it, I just ended up deleting it.

I thought I should at least try to make an effort the next time I make FTC. That next time was 703's Kerala. But I didn't feel like I deserved to be there. During merge I had just dropped out of the game mentally, and somehow got dragged to the end despite me wanting to get voted out. I could feel that I was being called a goat. I still tried to make an effort in making speeches and replying to people. I tied second place with Konstantinos surprisingly, but only because the juror didn't want to vote anyone else.

Anyways, enough with that sad and pathetic tangent of thought asdfg sorry I just felt like ranting about the past. I don't know what the vote is going to be, but I think I'll be okay? Stay tuuuned

"thotemanu"

- Okay so Toby is over playing pretty hard right now. Everyone now thinks that he's a part of the all male alliance and told me to be careful what I told him. I don't want other people going around saying or even thinking that "Oh maybe Aromal is part of the all male alliance" so I think I have to kinda throw Toby under the bus. I think I can keep the target off his back but yeah I'd rather get this merge vote over with quicklyyyyyyy.

"thotemanu"

- okay i guess my social game is on point lol bc i'm literally in the ALL BOYS ALLIANCE + the other side. i'm going with the other side for this vote and im gonna murder myself

"thotemanu"

- WHEW I MADE MERGE. I actually really like everyone here, I even made up with Toby so like I've calmed down which is good. I'm happy to be reunited with Tate cause he's definitely someone I trust the most right now along with Torsa. The problem is that Tate could be in trouble this round, I'm not necessarily sure any of the items from the auction are gonna come into play but we'll see. On the bright side of things I got the legacy advantage! If people ask I'm just gonna say I got a loved one's letter from Sora and hopefully it works. I'm a horrible liar so this could go terribly wrong but I'm not Sierra Dawn Thomas! (She's a Queen though don't get me wrong). Right now I know there's a guys alliance, but I feel closer to the guys in it than the ones that I was working with previously on Floreal. I adore Jared but he's way too blunt. He'll tell me the vote is gonna be on a certain someone and it almost kinda feels like I have no say? And then with this merge, Ally flipped on me last round and Aromal, I just met and don't have too good of a connection with. So I'm really hoping Tate sticks around because I do feel like we can work together, so I guess we'll see!

"thotemanu"

- I had a good feeling that the vote was going to be messy, but yes I definitely didn't expect it to be THAT messy!

Some stuff before the vote went down: Torsa kinda vented to me about her situation and just spilled a lot of stuff to me and told me not to tell anyone asdffgh I'm kind of overwhelmed and worried because she seems really stressed. I didn't tell anyone what she told me. B^O But I learned a bit about the dynamics of the tribe I think. In return, I told her about my blunder where I gave Aromal the idol that I found and he misplayed it because we both thought he was in trouble. I hope she didn't tell anyone asdfg She also told me the votes were going to be between Tate and Aromal, but she felt pressured by Toby to vote Aromal. After a bit though she told me the vote was switched to Jon, but didn't specify any reason for it

Ally was telling me Tate at the time, but then also switched to Jon after a while because she said he had an idol Ally made a chat with Aromal and I so that's cool! There we discussed voting Tate and then switched to voting Jon.

Even though I'm still probably not as in the know as most people, somehow I'm finally(?) feeling the flow of conversations. I think around this point when merge comes around, I tend to check out mentally in games and end up getting ostracized, but somehow I'm being hit with like 40% of the plans and stuff and while it's riveting it's also a bit overwhelming.

Some stuff after the vote went down: I was surprised at the amount of items played, and evidently had the items not been played, the person I voted, Jon, would not have gone home. Wild. We were lucky tonight.

Also, Toby was annoyed that he wasn't in the know, but I tried to reassure him that he wasn't on the bottom, and I sincerely do mean that because adsfg I feel like I'd be lower than him. Also the vote was like 6-5 so it's not at all uneven of a split. We talked a bit more afterwards and yeah I should try to confide in him about stuff ;w; I couldn't really tell him but it seemed that he was adamant to voting Aromal according to other people. I still should've talked to him.

Anyways that's it for now, I appreciate the break! I've got a job interview later todayy