The Downfall of the Golden Boy/Confessionals

Day 31
"varin"

- Another day, another chance to hustle. So Alex got voted out at the last tribal, which sucks. I think we were finally starting to see eye to eye in the game but Kaffe wasn't willing to vote out either Hannah or Charley and I of course hate being in the minority. So Alex had to go. Luckily, Jakes still here and to his eternal credit, he's probably hustling the hardest of anyone here. I mean, he kind of has to. Just looking at the numbers, he's the odd one out as the last Pailin standing and right now is a big threat. I don't want Jake out though. It's not just that I like him, which I do. He's also 150000% on board with a plan to take Julian out of this game once and for all. I've been itching to just get this opportunity to make a move before this game is over. Time's running out and if Jake leaves now, I can just see Julian making a complete sweep to the endgame. Sorry buddy but I just saw Mike Holloway win on tv, don't need to see it happen in this org too. Even better, Kaffe also wants Julian out. You know who else wants Julian out? Hannah and Charley. Julian's days are numbered and I get to finally take out my biggest threat in this game. Also, if it's a blindside, my chances of winning go from dismal to, maybe he has a shot. I've just had this one track mind of getting Julian out for the last few rounds. I'd hate for it to come to nothing. And in this reward challenge, it seems like a perfect time to start the downfall of the golden boy.

"varin"

- I know everyone is against me because literally no one talks to me anymore at all. It's sort of frustrating because it's like I'm being ostracized for being good at challenges. Plus a personal issue just recently popped up & I don't know. It's honestly a lot right now. I know if I lose, it's over. Maybe 6th place is as far as I will go? Who knows honestly? I know that everyone I wanted to get past is out now. And I'm ok with any of the other five winning this game although, it just makes me wonder were Charley/Hannah/Nathan just using me for a vote & the "friendship" that we had wasn't genuine. I don't know, it feels like I've just wasted my time building these relationships because they don't genuinely like me. Maybe it wasn't everyone else & maybe it was me the whole time.

Day 32
"varin"

- Holy fuck I'm freaking the fuck out. 5 minutes and I go from all hope lost at getting Julian out to getting my zen in this game restored. First of all: JULIAN GAVE ME HIS FUCKING IDOL. Like I think I literally screamed when he did that. All this time spent wondering how I can possibly get Julian out and now he gives me what's basically a nuclear bomb in this game. One way or another, shits getting wrecked. I hate pagongings and one way or another, I'll prevent it from happening. So yeah, thanks Julian. Do I feel bad that I may use Julian's idol to snipe him? Yes. Do I regret it? Hell nah. Second of all I finally won a damn challenge. This entire game my morale was steadily dropping further and further. Like last immunity challenge, even Hannah got a higher score than me. I really did feel like, "I'm never gonna win a single challenge before my game ends." Then this light shines. Maybe just maybe, Nathan's challenge dominance starts now. Yeah that's not happening. But a guy can dream, right?

Day 33
"varin"

- Today I'm probably saying goodbye to my closest friend in this game. For the last few days, I'd just been hyping myself up for the moment where I voted out Julian and, now that the opportunity is here, it doesn't feel exciting. It just feels sad. Seeing Julian being down and out is horrible. Like yeah I'm bettering my game but I hate seeing people sad. And to know that I'm probably part of the cause it hurts. Like way to go Nathan, you just fucked someone up. And not in the good way. The plan still is to vote out Julian but it is honestly gonna be sad to see my best friend leave like this and hopefully I can actually win it for him.