Time Has Just Stopped, Is This Normal?/Confessionals

Day 34
"katzole"

- Waking up as a member of the final four is definitely a surreal moment. It is hard to believe that I have outlasted 12 people and the end is in sight. I am so thankful to be standing here. I can't say that the road hasn't been perfect of easy in any kind of way. But I hope that the game I played is respected by everyone, whether I come out on top or not. But I still have to fight to make sure I end up to Day 39.

"katzole"

- Going through everyone in the cast was definitely a solid moment in the season. There were sooooo many castaways I did not get a chance to meet. But getting to reminisce on all of the people I did get to play with was a humbling experience for sure. I definitely felt some guilt over some of the moves I have made. But, I hope that there are no hurt feelings. But I guess time will tell and the smoke clears.

"katzole"

- Making it to the final four and going through the rites of passage really put everything into perspective. Maybe doing the write ups first thing in the morning wasn’t the brightest idea, but wow! It’s weird because it feels so recent that I was studying Lithuanian trivia for the first challenge, yet it feels like ages ago that I was panicking about the swap. Top four in my first ORG… not bad at all.

Day 35
"katzole"

- Heading into this immunity challenge, I really want to win to boost my resume and show the jury I am capable of holding some kind of safety in this game. I'm the only one left in the game that hasn't held any kind of power in the game and I want to be able to say that I could hold my own. Part of me hopes I don't get the next two though and make it all the way to the end. But at this point, it is looking like I am going up against Samb or Nemo in the final 2. We will see how this plays out. Who knows? Piper might be out of her "I don't want to go to the Final 2" funk and might pull off the ultimate upset.

"katzole"

- Heading into this next challenge, everyone knows that Piper wants to go at four. While that does raise a lot of red flags, I’ll still be willing to take that risk and vote her out. I’m still going to be fighting for immunity, of course, but it is a relief to know that there is a clear plan in motion. I’m also relieved that I have a five minute time credit in this next challenge. 30 seconds did absolutely NOTHING during the Eurovision challenge, so hopefully I find the time between packing to sit down and knock this challenge out.

If Piper does go, then that leaves me in the final three with Matty and Nemo, putting me in a very interesting situation. I’ve promised both of them that I’d go with them to the final two, so winning the final immunity would actually be the worst possible outcome since I’d have to choose one over the other. I don’t see Matty taking Nemo to the end, but I’d say there’s maybe a 30% chance Nemo takes Matty and a 70% chance we go to the end together. If I am the last juror, I can’t be too bitter since I still have to vote one over the other. Chances are I won’t vote for the Final Immunity Challenge winner, but we’ll see. Whatever the last challenge will be (and Nemo and I speculate that it will be some form of endurance), I’m seriously considering throwing it, just to see what happens afterwards. Either way, whatever happens, I already feel like I’ve both won and lost the game at this point. Of course, I’m not going to throw in the towel and rest on my laurels, especially knowing how much everyone has dreamed of making it this far, so I’ll definitely still bring my a-game to these last few days. For all I know, I was the most delusional person on these dunes, but at least whatever delusions I’m living in are happy delusions.

"katzole"

- Well, that was fun. I watched the Tocantins finale before going to bed and watched the sunrise to start my day. I typed in ?thejourneybegins... and the journey began.

Oh my gosh, the [expletive] Loopover. Literally half the challenge was me doing the loopover. I thought that the trials would go from easiest to hardest, and if I did take a penalty on what was supposed to be the easy part of the challenge, then I would've been screwed. But I sat and looked at those bright, colorful letters for a whole hour. I don't know how I solved it. But I did. And I was on the verge of tears. Glad I got redemption for the Eurovision challenge. That one was a lot easier than I expected. And thank goodness I studied the color punch channel before we started too, since I wasn't there to compete for that one (I did punch in ?grEy instead of ?grAy - hope that's not a penalty). Kakuro was loads of fun, which surprised me since I suck at sudoku. Took me a bit to get the Only Connect finished, but I had treemail open on my phone to search through the thread. I DID THE JIGSAW IN FIVE MINUTES 😭 It was an easy jigsaw, but I am proud I actually did the jigsaw puzzle quickly... especially after Ruta graveolens smh. Then the song and the trivia was done quickly. IF I took the penalty, then I would've been done in 45-ish minutes. But instead... I took almost two hours. Nemo told me he got it done in less than an hour (and even while he was attending to a dog in the car... I was literally alone in my mess of a bedroom and I still took double the time), so congratulations to him. I know I said I wanted to throw the FIC, but now that we're three for three in terms of individual challenges, I kind of want to win... just to say I won the most immunities. But that's just me being petty. All in all, a super fun challenge. Kind of wished there was a callback to flag-making or even a trivia question about our dynasties since those were the challenges I killed it in, but that was... an experience. So thank you hosts for the journey through Lithuania. I am exhausted, so I'll take a long nap before panicking my way through the final four Tribal Council.

Day 36
"katzole"

- So Nemo wins immunity, which actually is my best case scenario. I did not want to vote him out. However, I am just really frustrated that I did not win. It seems like I either get so close and come up short or I am so far off. It is super frustrating especially because I don't think the jury is seeing my game unfortunately. If Piper does go tonight, then I think I am in the final two. But who knows if I even have a chance.

"katzole"

- Piper does seem to be everyone's best bet. I think we all realize that we just can't risk her winning the jury votes via surviving the terror of Ruta. I think the best chance of me getting to the end is if Piper is gone. For me, it is clear that Piper and I are the UTR players while Nemo and Samb are the OTT players. I feel like my best chance is if I have a strong enough game to go up against an OTT game. And I think Samb and Nemo also think that as well. My thing is that I don't know if I am seen as a goat or not. Man I hope I am wrong...

"katzole"

- Okay, it’s been over six hours since the trials challenge, but I’m STILL fired up. If I took the penalty for the loopover trial, I would’ve been done in 30 minutes. I’m no sore loser, but knowing that if I had done one thing differently, I would’ve won. And I swear, every second of packing and trying to focus on my day, but loopover will be living in my head rent free for the next few days. Not in the right headspace tbh, but I’ll probably find something new to panic over.

Not that it matters since we’re all on the same page to vote Piper out. Yay. Or you know, I could be going to fire. Never be safe. Never be too comfortable. I have been too comfortable this game. But if the final three is Matty, Nemo, and I, I’m seriously considering just going for immunity and cutting Nemo. If the jury’s going to award Matty… who I can’t quite pinpoint what he’s done at the moment, then so be it. But I feel like if I do bring Nemo, I’m playing to lose. And even if I don’t win immunity, both of them have promised me to go to the finals. So that’s fun. Honestly, I’m not in the mood. But I’m still going to keep fighting, and I’ll do my best to have fun 🤠

Day 37
"katzole"

- Piper went home and it almost felt so satisfying. The Ruta curse was just too powerful to overcome. Never in a million years did I expect to be this far into the game. I really didn't think I'd even make it past the merge much less the finale and even less the final 3. And the fact that two of my best friends in the game are still here is also just like WOW how?! I know I've had my ups and downs with both of them. BUT, I have really enjoyed getting to know them as people and excited for friendships to grow. But for now, time to take that crown.

"katzole"

- Heading into this immunity challenge, I really want to win. I think this is my last chance to really show the jury how capable of a game that I can play. I think in the grand scheme of things, I can still win without it. But I feel like I am being led to the slaughter that is FTC. Maybe I need to be more confident in my game but at the same time I just hope the jury that can respect my game. But the challenge is getting to the FTC. So let's do it!!!

"katzole"

- It's 4 (pm, not am) right now, so I might as well check in.

Day 37. Feels like a dream. Sitting in the Final Three with the two people that I've made final two deals with? Amazing. I can't think of any better possible combination of people sitting with me in the final three right now. I can't believe it happened. Not surprised Piper cast a stray vote for me. I feel like most of the jury doesn't like me since I stabbed most of them in the back (and wow, I've voted correctly in every Tribal Council I've been in except for Kam's idol play), and if I am going to be dragged through the dirt in the Final Tribal Council... then I've got a lot of work ahead of me. Super scared about the challenge. My sleep schedule is already out of sync, so I was prepared to do another endurance challenge, but hey, if this is take two of the trials challenge, then bring it on. I'm absolutely taking the penalty on Loopover - not making that mistake after last time. But HEY! This is the FINAL Immunity Challenge. And wow, I can't believe that it's really over. There aren't anymore challenges after this one. I did every challenge (except for the basketball one and the puzzle challenge, but they showed up in the trials, so I kinda did a bit of everything), and... it turns out I'm not as big of a challenge liability as I thought I was? I put a really low number on my application form, but now I'd say I'm maybe a 6 or 7 in the challenge department. Yes to self-love and self-confidence this 2021. And yeah, there's no more challenges, because the real challenge is how to get from 3rd to 1st. If Matty wins, I feel like he's bringing me. And if Nemo wins, I'd love to believe he's bringing me as well. Of course, that sounds rather entitled on my end, but I am proud that those were the two relationships I nurtured the most in this game. I don't think either of them are aware of how close I am to the other person since I've constantly played it up that each of them are my secret final two deals. But if I do win immunity (and that would be sweet, oh so sweet), then I'm taking Matty over Nemo. I will let Nemo know beforehand (and promise him the box of donuts in the foreseeable future) since I'd rather stab him in the front than the back. And it'd be suicide to go up against Nemo. His hand has been on the pulse for every vote in the merge (except for the Ryan vote, hehehe) and his social game has been impeccable. But hey, I don't want to go down the rabbit hole of scenarios. So stay tuned for that. But wow. I'm going to make it to Day 38. That's surreal. And what makes it different is that I wasn't dragged here, but I realized I fought to get here. I gave everything I could to make it this far, and that's something nobody can ever take away from me, regardless of what may or may not come up at the Final Tribal Council. Let's go, final three!

"katzole"

- Sorry, hosts! That one was embarrassing. It turns out that I was the one that needed to be rescued. But hey, I had fun. And that's what counts 🤠 Last Survivor: Lithuania challenge! And it was a DOOZY! Thank you, Lithuanian Lumber Services for really giving us hell... especially the Fallen Comrades. I am so sorry for spamming my confessional channel, but I genuinely could not figure that one out. Glad I skipped over Loopover like I said I would, but I'm frustrated that I didn't realize there were 16 tiles and not 15, but I don't think that'd add up.

I think it worked since I've been telling myself I'd throw the Final Immunity Challenge. Matty and Nemo have both said they did bad... I think I don't have the words to say how badly I did. I'm super proud that I did get to bring both of my final two people at the final three. And I don't think either of them realize it... or maybe I'm just being delusional again. I don't really know. The best possible scenario is Matty winning and him taking me. I get no blood on my hands, and I have a slightly easier shot at the FTC than I would if it was Nemo and I. The next best scenario is Nemo winning and him taking me. Again, no blood on my hands, but a significantly harder fight in the challenge. Right in the middle is me getting cut at the final three. I seriously doubt it'll happen, but hey, if this is where my train stops, then I can get off and say I had the time of my life. But if I do win, the lesser of two evils is me cutting Matty. I know I compete for jury votes with Nemo, but I'd like to honor that Day 1 deal. The worst possible scenario is me cutting Nemo. While I do have an easier shot to win, oh my gosh, the jury would be bitter. And because I will get dragged through the mud instead of having to deal with guilt, I'd take a Nemo-Samb FTC over a Matty-Samb FTC. A harder competition over an easy win, so to speak. But nevertheless, still super grateful for the experience. I had a blast, and if this is where I lose the game, then so be it. So many doors are closing in my real life, but I feel like so many others are just about to open too.

Day 38
"katzole"

- Well that challenge was absolutely brutal. I don't think I have been more frustrated or upset at anything in this game until that challenge. I did so poorly compared to everyone else. My penalties were almost as Samb and Nemo's scores. Like that is absolutely pathetic. I really did want to win this challenge to prove something not only to the jury but to myself too. Well, it is water under the bridge at this point.

"katzole"

- I really do think Nemo's best bet is to take me to the end. Unless my read is way off, I don't think the jury really respects my game in any way. And Nemo's game is a lot more flashy than mine. So, I feel like if he wants to win, he needs someone there who did not have a very flashy game. Samb's game (especially in the premerge) was wayyy more prevalent and obvious to the jury. And with Nemo and I being together from Day 1, I think it makes his way to the victory a lot easier. But don't you worry, I will be working my ass off to make sure that I convince him I am the best to beat. When in reality, I am going to work to win.

"katzole"

- Well Nemo has informed me that I am most likely to go home. I honestly was not expecting this. He did say he had a deal with Samb. But, I really don't think it is smart on his part to take him. Samb had to do the impossible on Ruta 2.0 and I just think it would be much easier for him to beat me than Samb. But, I guess that will have to be a decision I get to make.

"katzole"

- Well if this is my final farewell, I hope that I made some impact in the game. I am kinda blindsided by all of this last minute but that's the game! I have loved this cast soooo much and I am so thankful to have been able to play in the season. I hope that I wasn't seen as a goat or a player with no chance. But, I don't really care. I had a great time and that's all that matters. And if he does pick me, then hell yeah let's get to it!! But unfortunately, this seems to be the end of the road for Matty.

"katzole"

- Five minutes. Assuming I still mess up the Fallen Comrades, if I didn’t commit my careless penalties for the video challenge, I would’ve won the challenge… thank goodness I didn’t end up winning 🤠

I think I said Nemo winning was the second best scenario, but hey, I’m still glad I didn’t win this one. I’m still working on my Tribal Council answer, but right now, Nemo has reassured me a couple of times now that the two of us are going to the Final Two together. I shouldn’t be worried, bit this is a game about deception. I won’t rest on my laurels just yet. But wow… Day 38. I almost didn’t make it past Day 20, but making it this far has been honestly so surreal. I keep talking about this has been a journey of self-discovery, finding my voice and meeting new people, and it’s really timely that it’s coming to an end just as I’m about to leave for college, too. Whatever happens, I’m proud I made it this far - be it third, second, or in a long shot… first - because I know I did my best, I had fun, and I realized I’ve grown so much. So if this is my last confessional, thank you 🤠🧡 If it isn’t, I’ll probably say the exact same things, except with more words and emotions this time around.

Day 39
"katzole"

- Day 39. Let me etch that into the tall oak tree, hold up.


 * thwack* Thank you. Well, here we are! Part of me is surprised, another part of me is grateful that everything fell into place like I wanted to, but all in all, I am a mix of nerves and excitement right now. It’s unbelievable. I’m still very tired now, but just when the confessional form us about to close, I’ll come up with more words. But wow! Final Two! Day 39! What a dream come true. But there’s still one big hurdle to overcome, and it’s going to be a sprint to the finish. I can’t wait to see what happens 🤠🧡

"katzole"

- Day 39. A dream come true. When I submitted my application on the last few days the application form was open, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I had never played a Survivor ORG before. I saw ORGs as a LOT of direct messaging - one thing that I was not a fan of - and a lot of toxicity. But I decided that I needed to make my last two months of summer vacation worthwhile, so I applied on a whim... and I got on the cast. I don't know what exactly the hosts saw in a neurotic, paranoid, indoors kid like me, but I think they saw either potential or a flaming trainwreck waiting to happen. Hopefully it's the former and not the latter 🤠

I'm so glad I took the chance. I don't think there could be any combination of hosts, players, twists, circumstances, and outcomes that would lead me to who I am and where I am right now. This was a phenomenal season. Maybe it's because I haven't spectated an ORG before, but I was at the edge of my seat from both a player's view and a spectator's view. I surprised myself. It's a blessing and a curse that I've never put a face to the people I was playing against. A blessing because I don't need to worry about us, like, running through an obstacle course or wrestling on the beach for donuts and a tarp, but a curse because I can't read social cues or body language. And I get very anxious when I can't. On the note of challenges, I can't believe I did that well. Obviously I'm still frustrated over slip-ups that could've been avoided, but hey - for a first-timer, I think I wasn't too shabby when it came down to it. Two Immunity Necklaces? When I needed them most? Fantastic. I can't believe I am sitting in the final two. Truth be told, I thought I would've been out before the merge. And I almost was. I was psyching myself up that if I didn't figure out the clue to the Ruta Hidden Immunity Idol, I would have to settle for 10th. Maybe I'd reapply for season 48 and learn how to play the game from some of the bigger names in the community, but I am so lucky that I made it through that vote. And I'd like to believe that everything after that, it was one crazy Rube Goldberg machine throughout Lithuania. There were times when all the dominos fell just how I wanted them to, but I was nervous to see if I had correctly calculated if the force needed to move a ball across the room or if I'd hit the right spot at the right time, but through all the chaos, I reached the goal. All I need to do now is win. Nemo told me at the final three that I have Anubis, Evan, Frog, and Matty, while he has Pendant, Piper, and Ryan. I don't think that's true at all. I don't want to speculate over jury votes since I have no control over them without the context of our speeches, but I think it's anyone's game. Nothing is set in stone. I know that the speech I just finished is short (I think? I forgot where but I saw someone send in a 20-page Google Doc as a speech and mine was roughly 2000 words) and that there's a lot more that I want to say, but I will be open-minded as I reflect over the decisions and moves I made to get to where I am right now. In about a week's time, this will be another season in the books. Chapter 47 of the 703 Survivor series all written down. I know I want to win, and it's going to be a steep, steep hill that I need to climb over - especially when quite frankly, my head is deeply invested in the real world right now. But I signed up for this. I played my way to get to the final two, and I'm not going to call it quits just yet. It's been a blast, 703 Survivor: Lithuania. There's still so much for me to learn when it comes to ORGs andn

"katzole"

- My last confessional may or may not have gotten cut. But that’s ok. I know I meant well.

Anyways, halfway through jury speeches and I’m running on a couple of hours of sleep. I feel like Amanda Kimmel right now. Wouldn’t be surprised if it’s a clean sweep, 7-0. Nemo is really going all out in his answers, but I feel like less is more. I think my actions speak for themselves - even the times I didn’t make good decisions. I own my flaws and my weaknesses, and I think that it still goes that honesty is the best policy. I don’t want to overhype my game or hard sell anything; I’d much rather be humble and stay true to who I am. We’ll see. I’m flying out in a few hours, and then I’ll be moving for a long time, so I don’t know when I’ll be able to check in and answer. I’ve copied all the questions on a Google Doc, so maybe I’ll get inspired on the plane. In fairness, I don’t even know if I’m supposed to be giving confessionals during Final Tribal Council, but I need to reorganize my thoughts and recollect myself. Four more speeches to go; there’s still a lot of room for me to explain myself. Until then, here’s Samb the Cowboy, not Samb the Goatboy 🤠🧡

"katzole"

- Alright, last confessional, I think. I’ll be on the road by the time the votes will be read, so I’ll be the last to know how this season ends. I forgot today was the reunion show/finale. Crazy how quickly things ended.

I said this before, but I feel like Amanda Kimmel. People have told me that they liked my answers… but like, why would they tell me my answers were bad in the first place. But yeah, I know there were a few people I could’ve answered their questions better… especially some of the early jurors. But that’s ok. I’m surprised I got everything done before the deadline. I’m just proud to have played such a distinctly Samb game. I marched to the best of my own drum. I did everything I could to make it this far, and I did it. I made it all 39 days. That’s something I still can’t believe. I was almost gone on Day 20, and even then, I would’ve been really happy and pleased with myself. I might have more words, but let’s see how things go.

"katzole"

- Definitely not the ending I expected! I kinda knew I lost the game the day we voted Frog out, but wow! A 4-3 vote! What a nail-biter. When the votes went Samb-Nemo-Samb-Nemo-Nemo, I thought I lost 5-2. But like I said, I'm proud to have been a part of this season and everything that came out of this.

I think I've been too harsh on my Final Tribal Council performance. It was good for my first try! A lot of things to learn. I'm not the type that wanted to write a long and sappy essay and hype up things that aren't true. I think maybe I was too humble when I should have bragged, or I repeated and reiterated points that didn't necessarily need to make sense. Either way, I am just surprised I pulled it off while my room was a hurricane and while I was typing away furiously on the Notes app on my phone. Nice job, Samb. As for how the jury voted, ho boy. Really glad I got Matty's vote. That one I was about 70% sure I'd get - and that's the one I was most confident in hahaha. I am surprised I got Piper's vote... especially when we literally only had ONE conversation the entire game. Not a good look on my part. Also surprised I got Anubis's vote. Gago didn't see that one coming, but I did my best to answer that question without trying to sound too sappy. I knew I didn't have Evan and Pendant's votes to begin with. I was hoping I'd get Ryan's vote since I think I did a good job at answering. But wow! I feel like the deciding vote was probably Frog's. I knew I should have told him he was going home, or even threw a sympathy vote during his Tribal Council. Oh well. That will be the move that cost me the game. But that was the peak of my paranoia, so looking back, I don't blame myself completely. I also knew I wasn't getting fan favorite. I gave the viewers absolutely NOTHING to work with! But I had fun jotting down stream of consciousness VLs. I have a feeling most of the viewers were kind of annoyed with me, especially since whenever I ended up getting significantly less reactions whenever things happened to me compared to the other people on the cast. But that's alright. I'm not everybody's cup of tea. The cherry on the cake was winning Player of the Season. I honestly thought it was going to go to someone like Pendant or Ryan, but me? I still can't believe that's what happened. Can the Sole Survivor also be the Player of the Season? Whatever the case is, I am absolutely flattered. And I quote, "there was one player that we felt deserved recognition for his scrappy game, his strong idol-hunting skills, and a clear passion for the game that made him a star presence." I agree with scrappy. That's the word I was looking for during my FTC. Definitely felt very that way. But I was really surprised to see that last part - a clear passion for the game that made me a star presence? Me? Really? I'm shocked. I have no words. I told myself I'd feel okay once the season's done, but I don't know. The end of the season seems so bittersweet, sometimes feeling even more bitter than sweet. Maybe it's because I can see the viewing lounge and people are talking about how things happened at the end of the season? I don't like being viewed under a microscope or a magnifying glass and having my every decision or move critiqued and criticized, especially by people who have no idea what actually went down. And on that note, I'm terrified to see my confessionals again. I really hope I made sense in most of them. But hey, I signed up for this, so I gotta be prepared to face the audience eventually. But it just feels... weird being done with the season. Like, I'm proud of myself for all the good things that happened, but there's something that just feels missing. I don't know what it is. I'll probably find it sooner. It's like, I should be happy. I should be proud. But I don't feel anything. I'll probably sort that out later. It's been a long week, and I literally had my first night of good night's rest since maybe the early merge of the game. Sorry, hosts. I know you guys said getting enough sleep is crucial to maintain your well-being, but oop. I don't really know what else to say. I'm grateful for the experience, surprised that it came to an end this way, and I don't know what happens next. I've got college starting next Wednesday. I've got a lot of goodbyes and thank yous to exchange. But 703, you've been so good to me. Thank you for everything. I think I'll take a break from ORGs for now, but I'd love to come back! I finished my Fans vs. Flops application before finding the second idol, so don't count me out just yet. And if you guys want me to host Survivor: Yeehaw Boomer Island to happen, you know where to find me. But for the last time... ...love, SAMB 🤠🧡 (47th - 2/16)