(I Just Want it) To Be Over/Confessionals

Day 36
"grande terre"

- When will your fave duo be this iconic. Me and Charlie have both successfully played idols on each other and we're both still here at final 6 and I'm honestly shook

"grande terre"

- Wow. Did I really just make the finale? Honestly, that's such a damn pleasure. I can't be thankful enough. I truly want to thank the hosts and players who have made this game the fucking rollercoaster that it is and tbh I know that my odds of winning are super low but I'm just gonna go with the flow from now on and if my fate is to be a FTC goat, that's fucking fine, y'know. I've really just come to terms with the fact that my gameplay this season hasn't been strong and that's fact of the matter. I was pretty good pre-merge, though, you gotta acknowledge that. I just had my finger in too many pies tbh because I'm a fucking gluttonous bitch

"couvreux"

- This isn't a real confessional, but I just realized I still have this in my favourites bar.

"grande terre"

- So this is it. The final stretch. There's only 3 votes and 3 challenges left, and the end is in plain sight. The problem is after the whole Andy debacle and with me being all messy and indecisive, I feel like I might have just lost the trust of everyone here. That being said, it's not over until my torch is snuffed, and I feel like Zak and Charlie know that they still need me to even have a path to the final 3. My mood right now is, scared as fuck, yet hopefully optimistic.

"grande terre"

- So Zak played his idol on me, just like I played mine on him. Both were used successfully. Duo goals. I'm so scared rn. I know everyone is looking at me as the biggest threat. I don't really understand it honestly. Am I actually better at this game than I think? Like yes, I have an underdog big move maker pitch at ftc but I feel like everyone except Adrian does have some sort of pitch at this point. It's a really weird feeling to have almost everyone after you. In my last season not one vote was cast against me and now I have nine. I still can't believe I'm here on day 36. I'm so close I can taste it. Also I feel like a piece of shit bc George was super nice to me in the spend 24 hours with a juror punishment. I've been trashing him in these confessionals and he doesn't deserve that. So George if you see this, I'm sorry. I really do like you. I just don't have the attention span to absorb the big paragraphs you tend to send. Now as for Nathan, wtf was he thinking coming for me like that. He knows that if I'm gone he's next. Anyone could tell you that. It's kinda annoying that Nathan is put on the same level as me. Like okay, good talker, but his strategic decisions are puzzling. Also I'm super scared. If I don't win this challenge I'm fucked. You know what they say, once a bottom always a bottom.

"grande terre"

- There's less than 5 hours until tribal and I kind of feel like in this zen mode right now. I don't want to get too overconfident because anything can happen, as shown by the rest of this game. I think, however, that at the moment people view me as important enough to their games where, even if they want to, they can't, or they shouldn't, vote me out. So right now I just have to keep the faith that none of these people go crazy and spill the beans and that they're all true to their word and vote for Aren. Cause god help the person who ruins this calm mood for me. I need to be in the best condition to sign up for classes later.

"grande terre"

- I am literally so disappointed with my game, I have not been a player or a pivotal part of the game whatsoever. I haven't had the chance to show my game or play the kind of game I know how. I have flipped and flopped all over the place and why? I don't know. I have no shot whatsoever to get to the final 3 and if I do I will have no shot to get a single vote let alone win. I don't deserve to be this far into the game there is no redeeming quality that I have brought to this game. I have always need on the bottom. I was on the bottom of all the tribes I have been on and have it on good authority that I would have gone home if I went to tribal pre-merge. During the merge everyone had used their past connections to form some sort of bond. I came into this game 6 months after playing my last ORG and ever since I was voted out of IDS I didn't pay attention to anything happening on 703. I was an outsider looking in from the get-go. Sure, I knew Nathan, Hunter and Ry but 2/3 of them I never was on a tribe with and Nathan and I aren't that close. I am so disappointed and I hate myself for taking a spot that could have gone to someone more deserving. I don't deserve to be in the F6, hell I didn't deserve to get casted. (Sorry hosts for my bad gameplay) This vote will go one of three ways. Either Aren goes, there is a tie in which Aren will go or some shit goes down and I finally get voted out and I have to go to that jury in which people either hate me, don't even know I'm still in the game or will ignore me....most likely all three of them combined tbh....Anyway I love the hosts this game has been amazing (Except for me being in it) ...ps I really hate Zak a lot....like so much! He's the only one I hate that is in the game.....wanna know who I hate that has been voted out???? I'll tell you later.

"grande terre"

- Thank you lawd I won immunity when I needed it!!! These bitches have been coming for me for so long but they keep missing me. I dodge bullets Charlie's Angels style. They can honestly fuck off with their fake congratulations. I know y'all wanted me out so save it. I can't believe people that have no chance to win are still allowed to vote. Sad. My objective now is to finally get Aren out and save Zak but knowing my luck I'll fail. I need anyone out who can beat me in a challenge. Aren is that person. I just hope they do it.

"grande terre"

- I really cannot seem to do anything right in this game huh? Now Trent hates me and no longer has any trust in me whatsoever going into the next round. Good going Nathan! At least one solace will be that I could make the final 5 twice. I guess.

"grande terre"

- Damn, so, it's currently a tie between Zakriah & I, and I'm pleading and pleading and pleading to Nathan to flip his vote, and I really hope this works out. I'd absolutely love to make the F5. Heck, potentially even FTC. I'm giving it my all.

And also BLESS Trent for voting with me <3

"grande terre"

- I'm kind of counting on Adrian to not lie to me again about his vote. If not, there's a 1/3 chance I go home. If he does, Zak and Charlie have all guns blazing at those two, and Trent and Adrian have no choice but to side with me. It's potentially idiotic and could easily blow up in my face but, hey, that's what makes Survivor fun. And I'm probably getting ahead of myself anyways. There's always the chance that he's just lying and I draw a rock and go home 6th. Buuuuuuut let's not entertain that possibility and hope I stick around to die another day.

Being between a rock and a hard place is always fun am I right?

"grande terre"

- Welp, guess it's my last confessional of the season :D

Honestly, holy fuck, it's been such a pleasure. I hit 6th place out of 84 people that applied <3 how amazing. I'm honestly so, so, so grateful. Thanks to the hosts, thanks to my 24 competitors, and thanks to the viewers. I love you all.

Day 37
"grande terre"

- So somehow I got my target Aren out in the hopes that I wouldn't have any competition for challenges. Then we get hit with a sort of luck based one and honestly I wanna cry. I have a 1 in 5 chance of not being voted out and it kills me. I want this so much. People pegged me as such a threat and once you get targeted it just never ends. I need to win out on these challenges. This has been my dream for over a year and I just can't accept anything less than winning. Also fucking Adrian waste of a spot goat like fuck off, can you just quit already bro? I'm scared. This is do or die.

"grande terre"

- I lost the most important challenge for me! I'm feeling a lot of emotion right now. I've come so far and to be this close I will NOT give up! I know those lame ass "players" Trent and Adrian will be coming for me, but I don't give a fuck. Also a big fuck you to them for voting out Jenna. I guess if there's any justice this season they will both LOSE. They can kiss my ass. I'm trying to convince Nathan to keep me. It's super hard but I need to strike a deal and make him realise that keeping me increases his chances of making final 3. I want the winner of this season to be a good one and if I go and he leaves right after.. I'm gonna be fucking furious. Also that sounds like I'm not satisfied with a Zak win, but I am, I love Zak. It's just I feel like myself and Nathan are the top 2 players this season, as pointed out by everyone. This is some Kelley trying to convince Jeremy teas and we all know how that worked out for her. :/

"grande terre"

- Fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck. It's literally up to the last minute of tribal and my mind is racing back and forth between two options. Trent and Charlie. Trent has allegedly been throwing me under the bus since Final 7 and as much as I love Trent I can kind of believe it. He's basically said in the main chat that he sees me as winning against him and he doesn't mind that in the slightest. I don't believe that shit for a second. I know Trent is an extremely competitive person. Why else would he have turned on Jenna like that? Even if he hasn't been throwing me under the bus like Zak has insinuated I feel like he wouldn't hesitate to write my name down next round. But I also don't want to let Trent leave this game in a blindside. I feel like just the act of voting him out will leave him feeling bitter against me, let alone backstabbing him that viciously.

That being said, Charlie is also a huge threat. Out of the other 4 guys I feel like he's the only one I'll really have trouble beating at the end. If I keep him yet again, I possibly risk looking like the biggest fucking dunce to the jury and lose any credibility I may have. And in the off chance Adrian wins immunity next (unlikely but possible) I'm in the hot seat and then a tiebreaker ends up being my best case scenario.

Right now I just feel like I have so many thoughts swimming around my head and I have no idea what to do. I can already feel it. Like no matter what I do I feel like it'll come back to bite me hard in the ass. But thankfully I have immunity so in this eleventh hour I can keep my head steady and make the choice that I think will propel me to the end, and to the win.

To make a long story short, this game got me fucked up.

"grande terre"

- So Nathan Cooper just cast his vote to lose this game. When I get voted out next round because I lose final immunity I will do everything in my power to turn this into the bitterest jury ever just to prove to this man that I am right and that keeping Charlie this round would have been the smartest thing to do for him. But if, on that slim chance, I do win final immunity I am voting him out and he is gone and I will do everything in my power to win this game for Posie, for Jenna, and mostly for Charlie because they all deserved to be in the end over the freaks I'm left here with. I'm so proud that our little duo made it all the way to day 37 and only had majority votes to be voted out twice.

Since I haven't done one of these in a while I'll elaborate a little bit more about what makes this vote so fucking annoying and intolerable to me. I've spent the last three rounds keeping Nathan Cooper's slimy ass in this game, attempting to distill Trent's paranoia against him like I couldn't do with Jenna (RIP). I idoled out Andy over him for crying out loud. ANDY. A mindless nuisance in this game. Over Nathan, solely so he would vote with me and Charlie against Trent. And then he saves us last round by voting with us, just to flip right back over to Trent after TRENT HAD LITERALLY SPENT THE PAST 3 ROUNDS TRYING TO GET ME TO VOTE NATHAN OUT.

And then that gets me into Trent. He keeps telling me how much of a mistake idoling Andy out over Nathan was when he flipped on someone who was gonna drag his disgusting wig all the way to the end no matter what the fuck happened over Nathan at final 9! Just to tell ME that not voting him out when TRENT VOTED CHARLIE was a fucking mistake! Oh honey I think the motherfucking fuck NOT.

And then there's ADRIAN. I to this day, sitting here, mad to tears that Charlie is being robbed, forget he is in this game. I've tried to talk to him and he just leaves me on read! So like it isn't even my fault I don't know who he is and I'm sitting here at final 4 with him! He literally just fucking sucks! I hate this game and if I don't win it's canceled because that means Nathan, Trent, or Adrian wins this and I'd rather fucking die than let that happen.

Day 38
"grande terre"

- Just a few hours until i find out if i win resurrection or nathan does!

"grande terre"

- I'm definitely nervous right now. I'm pretty certain I flopped in the final immunity and that obviously leaves my fate uncertain going into this next tribal. Trent and Adrian have pledged their loyalties to me beforehand but I do have a feeling that if they feel like I would win, they, and by they I mostly mean Trent, probably won't hesitate to take me out. I just really hope that I didn't get too greedy taking out Charlie last round and hopefully it doesn't fuck me over this round. Cause 2 time Day 38'er? No thank you.

"grande terre"

- So I did end up bombing immunity and now I'm left open and vulnerable going into this tribal. I have a bad feeling that I might be fucked but hopefully these guys aren't the snakes that I've been accused of being. Zak is kind of like the obvious vote for me tonight just because between him and Adrian he's easily the bigger threat. He's honest and an underdog and I feel like the jury would 100% respect that and they could be swayed to vote for him. I'm just hoping and praying that my gut here is right and that I don't get 2-1-1'd here or something. That would suck, you know, just a bit.

"grande terre"

- https://youtu.be/XdsDqkony7M

"grande terre"

- I swear its been like a whole year since I did one of these.

Alright so the last time i did one was final 6. That was a disaster because I finally had a final 3 set with Aren and Adrian. But of course Nathan won't let me have nice things so I have to tie the vote and try to convince him that I'm right and he's wrong, because I am. He didn't bite though, and I had to sacrifice Aren. I was sad, but not heartbroken. At that point I was feeling a little hopeless but there's room for recovery.

Then came final 5 and Charlie finally lost immunity so he was a no brainer vote. Of course they tried to vote me out and that was the most nervous I had ever been this game because my name was actually being tossed out. This is where the whole ""I told you so"" scenario starts coming into play which I'll get to in a minute. But luckily I was able to remind nathan that he can't win with charlie here and he came to my rescue. King.

Final four happened and I finally fucking won immunity after coming so close. At this point Nathan was a no brainer also, and I felt bad doing that because Nathan is a very close friend of mine. That worked out well UNTIL that thumb sucker adrian decided to sleep before he voted and missed the deadline like jeezus crikey. I was panicked because I knew he would lose a tiebreaker and I would be #screwed out of my win. But then Tyler announced that we'd revote which clued me in to the Final 3 immunity thing.

So Zak kept saying he told Nathan I'd vote him out. Fair enough. But also, that speaks volumes to my game that I was able to get Nathan on my side and still do him dirty, even with Zak telling him it was gonna happen. Zak has seriously played so sloppy and if he wins this over me despite being rude and over it this entire time I will legitimately be annoyed. He may have Jenna and Charlie but I really think I've been a more well rounded player than he has.

Now we're going into one last immunity challenge and I'm very nervous because this is the type of challenge I've lost in the past and gotten 3rd over. Zak and I made a ""deal"" to take each other and let two deserving players hit FTC but realistically I'm not sure if either of us will honor that. I kind of hope Adrian manages to win immunity because I'm fairly confident he'd vote Zak out because he doesn't want him to have a chance at the end. So if Zak is being honest with this deal thing, it sounds like I have a 100% shot of going to final tribal council, and I think if I have a good speech, I can pull this game off. In the words of the great Ralph, "I'm gonna wreck it."

Day 39
"grande terre"

- Here we are! The last day! I'm very anxious, because the jury seems apl but receptive of the games that Adrian and I played, but I know more than anyone how I played, and I know I've worked hard and deserve it.

On his way out, Zak said I didn't earn this win. Phooey. Taking the bigger goat doesn't invalidate all that I've done up until now. I've still played a kickass game that I stand by and think is worthy of a win.

I took my second chance by the horns, and to win this game would mean the world to me, so I hope it works out in my favor. This is in my hands now. Just give me my sash and crown already!