Board Thread:Survivor 26: Chaos/@comment-27904923-20170821144539



Stanley – I tried as hard as I could to break your record for most votes against a player this season and I failed. I’m gonna try to get 2 people to vote for me at least so I can beat you. But if I can’t, I will have a throne smelted from the swords of the conquered kingdoms for you to sit upon in mighty splendor.

Jake W – Bummed that it didn’t turn into the great Jake Off between the two of us. Are we going to host that ORG? Honestly after how shit I was I wouldn’t be surprised if no one showed up. Maybe you should call it like “the Jake ORG with just Jake W” except I’ll be the asshole host that says NO every time someone guesses anything that’s not Wanda Shirk for an idol. Lemme know.

Ralph – If you had to get taken down by anyone, I mean at least you got taken down by King Whitney. It was a pretty rank twist but it was good to talk about the Philippines with you.

Erin Lolopoztawitz – I’m actually pretty happy you didn’t play longer because you definitely would have shanked me. You made the right choice with all your life stuff. I’m thinking about doing something like that too. I hope you become Christian Gray of the fashion world and own a fancy sex dungeon.

Matthias— Though thousands of miles separate us, you will always only be one Five Dollar Footlong© away. That’s not a euphemism.

Christina –

















<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">Whitney—  You’re right, I am ugly. But Stanley is not. Apologize to him.

<p class="MsoNormal">Matt— We became friends on Instagram the day that you got voted out. I’m sorry you didn’t even get to like one of my pictures.

<p class="MsoNormal">Bradley— I’m watching It Follows as I’m writing this. There’s this old lady chasing the main character very very slowly. Somehow it’s still scary. I feel like I should be laughing, but I’m not.

<p class="MsoNormal">Gubbles— I’m still trying to scrape up for child support but I got a few side gigs going. Also wanted to be the first to congratulate you, heard ya got 3rd in Wings. Atta boy.

<p class="MsoNormal">Mikey— I would kindly ask you in honor of this season ending to change your profile picture back to Amy’s Baking Company since that what this shit has turned into. Also I am Samy so you can GET THE $%@#$&) OUT OF MY RESTAURANT IF YOU DON’T LIKE HER CAKES.

<p class="MsoNormal">Nic – You once said you thought I talked down to you. Hopefully this ROP proves that I talk down to everyone. But also you. It took me 4 hours to figure out how to edit that video wherein I memed you. It was pretty rude, but it was also a good way to learn video editing skills.

<p class="MsoNormal">Eve— You were Daenarys Targaryen, the mother of dragons, and flash games were your babies that you birthed out of the fire of your ex lover’s corpse. I’d like to say I was like Theon Greyjoy but actually I was like Theone Gayboy or actually probably Hodor. A menina gosta de queijo. O cachorro cozinha um bolo de chocolate. O cavalo tem uma boa bunda. That was part of my Duolingo lesson today, please check for errors.

<p class="MsoNormal">Wendy— queso I promised I wouldn’t make any stupid Wendy’s jokes during this. We had an alliance of 6, and at one point the odds were double stacked in our favor. But after the merge, it went from a chili to a frosty reception which was probably because I spilled the beans. I’m all out of stupid puns so, that’s a (chicken bacon) wrap!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in">Kyle—  Remember when we lived on Ohana beach together and shared such iconic phrases as “hopefully the next challenge isn’t a flash game?” and “why did I just call you Alex?” Sweet memories of simpler days. Also I am double your age. Call me if you want to know what it feels like to glimpse the end of your mortality closing in.

<p class="MsoNormal">David – What can I say? I’m only here because of you. I feel like an organ donor, living on vicariously with the testicle you donated to me after you game-died. I told you every game I play I’ve found just one person that I’ve maintained a connection with long afterwards and THAT IS NOT YOU SNAEVID YOU SNEAKY SNAKE jk it’s you bye

<p class="MsoNormal">Aras –  I will now attempt to settle the great debate of this entire season. Is Aras a twink or not? It’s an essential ontological question because to ‘be’ a twink strikes at the heart of what we mean when we say ‘is’. Is daddyism a state of being? Bearism? Otterism? Like all social groups, twinkism is of course a construct, no more and no less. And within a community that values self-definition or at least claims to value self-definition, it cannot be argued that the ultimate decision about his own twinkism lies within any being other than Mr. Djonovi<span style="font-size:10.5pt;line-height:115%;font-family:Arial,sans-serif;color:rgb(34,34,34);background-image:initial;background-position:initial;background-size:initial;background-repeat:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;font-weight:normal;">ć himself. Also you can’t be a twink because urban dictionary told me it meant Teen White into No Kinks so 4/5 does not a twink make. You know more about the dirty than I do, and I’ve never taken the frozen plummet into an Icelander…yet.

<p class="MsoNormal">Alex— While you are reading this there will be a solar eclipse over Utah which I’m blaming for why this post doesn’t have any expletives in it. I do apologize that the phallus I created for your parchment was a bit out of shape. The head was flat which is always disappointing to see in nature. What I enjoyed most about our myriad fights is they always ended in you confused because truth be told I don’t know how to fight good. I remember I called you a Ding Dong which if you and Aras were a team I would have named you Twinkie and Ding Dong which really quaffs my chuff.

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">*Lights all of you on fire, then lights self on fire* #standwithtibet

<p class="MsoNormal"> <ac_metadata title="Jake&#039;s Rites of Pissage"> </ac_metadata>