I Feel Nothing/Confessionals

Day 13
"queztal"

- Out of the five tribal councils that have gone down, four vote offs were unanimous. On paper, that sounds boring, but If you’re going to analyze people’s reasons for doing such thing, I believe that we are all planning for a better future for ourselves in this game, and that we’re giving some signs that something way BIGGER THAN A UNANIMOUS VOTE is coming.

If we’re switching before the next challenge, I’m a little nervous because you don’t know what the dynamics are going to be. One wrong word, and your dreams of becoming the sole survivor will be demolished. Based on the unity of each tribe, I have a feeling that nobody’s going to budge and the possibility of making enthralling moves is going to be more difficult.

"tacana"

- So I made it to a swap again!! I'm getting closer and closer to beating my placement in Tokelau and I really hope I can do that and more this season, from the outside looking in this swap looks honestly pretty good for me because I'm with Nick and Rhi and I've been working pretty close with them since the beginning so being with them makes me feel pretty good! Plus Brandon and Rhi are close and if he works with us that's a majority, I'm pretty close with Malik so I feel good with him, and I'd like getting to know Ryan and Claudia too. They went to rocks on old Tacana so that's honestly great for us considering the Tacana people probably aren't that close, and on top of all of this, I have my idol! So I'm being very optimistic about this tribe, hopefully it all goes well!

"tacana"

- bitch we swapped!!!!! and not into 3 tribes!!!!!!!!! blesstfup me/Claudia/Malik all stood our grounds and were joined by Rhiannon, Nick, & Austin from Catarina, and Brendon from Quetzal

I'm hella happy that I'm still with miss Claudia and miss Malik. I'm glad we were able to come together again after the rocks because Malik is 100% down for us 3 to work together now so bless! He has this plan to get Brendan to side with us over the Catarinas if we go to Tribal which is good. I'm gonna let him work on Brendan while I make connections with the Catarinas bc :^)

I talked to Nick a little and I see us working well together moving forward, and I think he'll keep his other tribemates off my tail; and I'll do the same for him.

If we go to tribal next, I could really see the Catarinas wanting to pin the vote on Brendan because whoever gets voted out is replaced by Sim who's like in purgatory... then they'd have 4-3 majority over us and that aint happenin henny.

I wanna talk with Rhiannon and try to get close to her bc i'm here for the girls making merge

At this point in time if we go to tribal I'd want Austin out... just simply bc of how the numbers & relationships are forming. I have the least bond with him, Rhi, and Brendan.... and like I said I'm planning on talking to Rhi & Malik is working on swinging Brendan so.... Austin just falls out of that.

But I'm not concrete at all on that whatsoever. Things change and I know that. Austin might be really strong and good for the tribe and I wouldnt hesitate keeping him in over someone who is bringing us down (unless its Claudia or Malik tbh bc they my biddies).

The game is really on now and these bitches better have their seatbelts on bc I'm here bitch and they aint ready. Bitch I have an idol in my pocket & two loyal queens on my side and no fucks to give come AT ME

"catarina"

- We have the majority on the New Catarina, and if anybody from the Old Quetzal does something stupid, I don't even know...

"catarina"

- NO TRIBAL - NO PROBLEM. If we win the upcoming challenges, there won't be bad blood with anybody. As much as I want to get rid of Nathaniel (then Sim), I found out that they're in the minority of Old Catarina. Although it's smarter to kill them now, we could expose the cracks that they have and use it to our advantage in the future.

I also asked Aerial Chinook about the Rocking situation on Day 0 and he easily revealed to me that ""the tribe split down the middle two alliances Matt, Malik and himself vs Ryan, Claudia and Andrew.""

I think I could work with him being that he's now in the minority of old Tacana. I also told Shea about the idol, and hopefully he's going to trust me more because of it.

Day 14
"tacana"

- So there is a lot that I need to catch you up on! Preswap Quetzal days were going pretty well. Voting out Cameron was pretty simple, I felt that I was able to get the whole tribe around the idea on that. That immunity challenge we had with the wiki searching was fucking insane!! I can't even believe how close that shit was, having the score be 4-4-4 for the audience was probably pretty entertaining haha. Despite the fact that it was a DEVASTATING loss, I knew that vote was gonna be pretty simple too. I knew that out of everyone on the tribe that Jalen was the least trustworthy. That motherfucker was extremely quiet, and never wanted to talk strategy with me in the early points in the game. Also I have an alliance with everyone on Quetzal so I need to protect that by voting out the outlier, unfortunately that was Jalen in this case. He was a good guy though, I've got nothing against him as a person. Overall I felt like I had the most control and influence in the Quetzal tribe.

Then there was the fucking twist where two tribes had to go to tribal council. After we lost two challenges in a row I wasn't feeling very confident about getting first place in the challenge. I clicked y heart out, I needed that win because if we had lost I would've had to draw a line in the sand and pick an alliance, which would've been really bad for my game. So I was OVERJOYED that we won that immunity challenge :) :). And then we kicked ass on that really annoying bird challenge, it was hard but we conquered Tacana even with their advantage.

The swap went pretty interestingly. At a first glance, I would think that being the lone Quetzal on a swapped tribe is a horrible position. However what makes this position unique is that there is 3 original Tacana and 3 original Catarina. This, in theory, makes me the swing vote. The interesting thing about this position for me is that my Quetzal tribe is very anti Catarina, however I'm differ from them because I'm willing to work with ANYONE to win this game. Immediately into the swap the first people to approach me were the Catarinas. Rhi and I had an interesting relationship on Svalbard. We were aligned for awhile and then we split onto opposing sides. The Svalbard cast is maybe the most tight cast on the main org, so I feel an instant trust with Rhi, I've had her back since I knew she was on the cast, it was automatic for me. It is probably safer for me to side with the Catarinas for the swap, even though that might me look bad to the rest of the Quetzals. The rest of the Quetzals are in a stellar position and as queen Michaela Bradshaw would say, ""yall have the majority if yall can't work together you deserve to go home."" They have it easy over there and I envy their position. My position isn't horrible though, and I need all of my intellect and social skills to get me through this swap. I need to win these challenges and build some serious bonds like I did on Quetzal. I know I can do it, I've got the drive that is necessary to fucking not only win this game, but CONQUER it. One day at a time!!!

"tacana"

- Fun drinking game: Take a shot everytime Ryan says ""tea"", ""t"", or ""this tea""

Day 15
"anarchy"

- It's been pretty lonely at exile, I feel like I've been pulled from the game, and I know that's temporary but it's so weird because I was really involved in the past 2 tribals.

I think the thing that gets to me is not being able to talk to anyone. I'm very paranoid this time around, so talking to people makes me calm in that regard, and just keeping everything in a pattern that I'm comfortable with.

I'm really nervous about this tribe swap. I was actually rooting for Nathaniel's tribe to lose, and even though he's my closest ally, he was in a good swing spot, and could've easily controlled that vote. However, Austin Nick and Rhi are probably in danger. I have hope that they can control the swing vote on their tribe, however all of us being returnees could work against us, as we might be perceived as threats now.

And I'm going to have to join that tribe, and wow, ANOTHER reason to vote a Catarina out, because then we'd have an easy majority on that tribe. So unfortunately, as weird as being exiled feels, I'm not looking forward to rejoining the game, in a rather peculiar position in the game, so I'm ready to start blurring tribal lines, it was bound to happen with 3 tribes, and I'm open to playing with new people, but that doesn't mean I'm ready to abandon my old tribe either...

"tacana"

- Third tribal in a row fucking yay!!!! So this is great, another tribal, third in a row, it sucks but it's the cards we've been dealt, losing puts me in a position where I need to talk to everyone, especially all the people I've barely been on a tribe with, (Ryan, Malik, Claudia, Brandon), I've had small talk with all of them to make sure it wouldn't be awkward in the event we lose and I message them after we lose, that just makes you look like a douche. Anyway, with talking to everyone, I already really like Malik and get along with him, we've worked together in Viti Levu and I really enjoyed my time with him there, he was a good ally and was also very trustworthy, Malik is usually a pretty straight up person so I'm really counting on him being loyal and hopefully he and I can go far together. Claudia, she's great! Claudia is honestly such a fun person to talk to and Nick bringing up the fact she sketched him out really scares me because I don't want to vote Claudia out right now, she seems like a really down to earth person and I appreciate that, I want to see how far I can go with her too. Ryan, i don't dislike the guy, but he's got some weird vibe to me, and he says ""Tea"" a lot, which is really weird to me because he says it at like literally everything 😂 He seems nice enough though, but right now I'm leaning towards voting him, since I'm in an alliance with Rhi/Nick/Brandon, it leaves Malik Claudia and Ryan, and I really get along with Malik and Claudia, so ideally I'm hoping we can get a Ryan boot this round, Only problem is Nick City seems to be opposed to that, he seems to want to keep Ryan for whatever reason, and brought up that Claudia sketched him out and also said ""Why Ryan over Malik?"" So this makes me feel like he's definitely not 100% on board for a Ryan boot, and has for sure talked to him a lot more than he's letting on, Nick said they have had ""Brief conversations"" but I feel like to try and switch the vote like that for little to no reason, it's kinda obvious there's been more than just a little talking going on. If Nick feels that strongly about it though maybe I'll just let him have it, I don't feel strongly enough about this vote that I'd piss Nick off making him vote Ryan because at this point I feel like I need Nick, so if keeping him close means letting him have his way, then so be it, for the time being that is.

"catarina"

- If the members of New Tacana are smart, they would vote out one of the Old Catarina members. Sim will be joining them, and although I want to believe that he could work with the minority to turn the tables, someone else will do something to prevent that from happening. From what I learned, Old Tacana members aren't that unified, so the divide caused by the vote where they had to draw rocks would probably prevent them from working together again.

"catarina"

- We swapped tribes this round I stayed on Catarina Ev'ryone else left

"catarina"

- Chris and Andrew, they Drew rocks against each other That is good for me

"catarina"

- Jenna, Elmo, Renz They and Shea rule the tribe Since Queztal were tight

"catarina"

- Elmo is Finnish That is very good for me Instant connection

"catarina"

- Renz is a cool guy He’s Filipino though, so Our timezones don’t match

"catarina"

- Hannah told me to Work with Jenna; that I’ll do Start of something new

"catarina"

- Andrew; party guy He’s also gonna move soon Not much else he’s said

"catarina"

- Chris, from HG too He’s interesting, I want To go far with him

"catarina"

- Shea, a cool guy He likes Dangan and MN That is so awesome

"catarina"

- Apparantly, the Idol has been found - a lot I think Nick has it

"catarina"

- Shea’s told me much I think I can trust him more Than anyone else

"catarina"

- We won the challenge That was very good for me Tacana’ll get Sim

"catarina"

- I hope that I can Convince the Queztals that I Am loyal to them

"tacana"

- so we lost immunity and i really wasnt expecting us to :-/ so now we gotta vote someone off only for Sim's catarina ass to replace them... joy

last night was so calm and quiet.. no one seemed worried at all. I was starting to get paranoid bc no one was scrambling or even wanting to talk about the vote. everyone was still being cordial and tiptoey......... but now that it's like 6 hours to the deadline people wanna talk... mess!

Malik brought up Rhi's name yesterday to our Tacana Originals alliance. and his reasons were valid and make sense. I personally don't exactly want her to go bc she's one of the only female and PoC left in the game but I really can't be having that dictate my course in the game bc it's just... not realistic. He's been working on getting Brandon on our side for this vote and as of last night Malik says he's fairly sure we got him....

But yet somehow I'm talking to Rhi today and she's all like ""yeah so i know Malik has thrown my name out there... Plus I figured since he was on the other side of the tie from you/Claudia that it would (hopefully) maintain a level of unison so we could keep teamwork going since we have a really nice group of people over here"" eyes emojiiiiii

So i guess Brandon can't be trusted so much. At the very least, he trusts Rhi a whole lot more than Malik. At the end of the day I'm happy the target isn't on me, but I'm still gonna do my best to get the results that benefit me most

I talked to Rhi a good amount today and learned that we both watch a lot of TV and that she's like a zookeeper???? that's so cool she is fun I would really like to move forward with her real talk. I lied to her and said that I've barely spoken to Malik since we swapped and I also spilled the tea to Malik that she knows he targeted her.... so I'm hoping that doesnt get back to her bc that wouldnt be a good lewk

She also told me a little about Catarina too. ""It's not really as tight as it seems by the unanimous votes, we kinda voted together out of convinience because Brian and Hannah had caused us some major messes to clean up, I was never really a part of anything solid at least"" Seems likely tbh, I doubt she's lying about this. Still, I'm not taking any chances and I'm not gonna willingly put myself in minority with three Catarinas... and I hope Brandon feels the same??

According to Malik & Claudia, Austin has been trying to talk to all of us and prodding info from us all. I dont fuck with thattttt. It's Matt 2.0. Also Malik is trying to say that he may be trying to flip the vote onto me..... cute. At this point I want Austin out bc I could see him being the glue to the Catarinas, especially if Sim is around. That's going off no real evidence and just my gut lol but still. The one who talks the most is usually the most dangerous

I have kind of a weird connection with Nick that I want to maintain but at the same time idk if it will be fruitful... we both have a mutual friend who I adore and she told us both to work together if we ever got on the same tribe. So I was hype when I saw we swapped together.. but idk we haven't talked all that much so??? idk how much longer I can rely on that connection to make me want to keep him around.

LIke ideally we would work together to keep e/o safe with our allies, and then I'd have Rhi on my side as well so Sim or Brandon can be the easy vote next tribal. But if Nick is gonna keep being estranged from me idk what to say...

I'll update yall later....

"tacana"

- lowkey nervous af but when am i not tbh. it seems like atm the catarinas want to vote Malik and Brandon is in the middle and Original Tacanas are unsure jfaksdf but who rly knows.. Brandon talks to Claudia&Malik more than me and he's hard to read. I middlekey would not be opposed to voting him out jdfdsajkfj but i'm hoping to talk to him more later today but like there's 4hrs left tictocjfsd ugh

my gut tells me he's not trustworthy if im being honest. but my best interest is for one of the catarinas to go so we dont have 4 of them on our tribe.. and from my pov that would be the same for him>? idk. i also have a sneaking suspicion that Brandon and Rhi like knew e/o before the game which would be problematic so.. mess idk what to do. i dont want to lose Malik or Claudia and I do have an idol... i was okay using it on an ally before the swap but now im debating if its smarter to save it.... i love malik and glad that we finally have a solid alliance but claudia is definitely my #1 & knows about my idol. if it comes down to it i need claudia more than i need malik and if he gotta go he gotta go :/

shit is always changing and last minute with my mercurial ass so !!!idk

"tacana"

- I really don't want to vote for Ryan because he's Jessy's bestie which is beneficial for me. But it's what my alliance wants, I tried campaigning for him but it's just putting a target on my back.

"tacana"

- I fucking cannot with these people. We lost, and Brandon is being a fucking idiot, especially if he's going to even CONSIDER working with returnees. I wanted to be the guy who could get out returnees and run an alliance, but this is fucking me over, possibly because one person wants to vote without a reasonable thought? If the four of us stick together, we'd be gucci. Though I'm starting to doubt Ryan and Claudia have my back. This might be a 6-1 blindside coming. Usually every round in a game I am paranoid and feel safe, but in this one I feel nothing, which usually means it's my time to go..so I'm ready. Thanks, I enjoyed the opportunity, hopefully I can return again ❤ Nick you threw my name and I thought we were cool but I guess not that cool. Austin has seemed like a snake and I doubt him, but if he didn't really vote for me then I apologize for calling him a snake just now 😂😂 if by some stroke of luck I make merge, I'll be happy, because it's gonna be so embarrassing if I go premerge. Anywho if I go, I'll make one final Confessional before I do.

"tacana"

- Alright, I admit I have a pretty bad feeling about this tribal, but I feel like if this results in a blindside it'll be against one of my allies rather than me, hopefully, if that's the case we still have Sim next round, and I still have my idol, every tribal I'm at is a constant war with myself in my head over whether to use or to not use my idol, i would hate to leave with it, but I would equally hate misplaying it, it's tough but ultimately I don't think I'm gonna play it because I feel like Malik and Claudia are somewhat real with me, and I told them I'm not writing their names down, I just hope that they're being honest with me and aren't writing mine down either, I trust the people I'm with but I'm scared of a Tacana idol, a lot could go wrong this tribal, but I'm really banking on everything going to plan 😳

"tacana"

- The Tacana people trying to hide the fact they're loyal to each other is so sad lmfaoo, I tell one of them one thing then the person I mention messages me just a few minutes later, idk if they're even trying to hide it honestly, but if they are, they're doing a shit job. Alright so going into this I had a really different opinion of Malik but he's literally the shittiest liar I've ever played with, and I played with Ella in Azerbaijan, when Ryan tells me you told him that I was voting him and when I come back to you and ask you if you told him that and you act clueless when there's literally no other way he could know and you say "No asdshajjsks I told him someone was voting him not you" ITS 100% OBVIOUS BULLSHIT, Cut it out with the shit lies and just be straight up, because when you have this dumb ass excuse that you said someone else is voting him and he just somehow assumed that it was me, it's fucking obvious how badly you're bullshitting me

"tacana"

- And here's the cherry on top, after I keep asking Malik questions to see if he would actually admit he was lying he ends it with "TBH, im tired of questions today." Yup, you're definitely being honest with me.