Board Thread:Survivor: Japan (Season 6)/@comment-24400351-20150228065027/@comment-24270686-20150301050915

Welcome Everyone! to a very special Richie-Roast!

(Jerby kinda helped...)

((Heaps.))

I am very excited to have this special opportunity to roast some of the most devious, conniving, hilarious, and wonderful players I've ever come across. So without further ado!

Austin

Mr Austin, or baby Winston Churchill as I’ve been calling you since Survivor Marathon (so almost a year…). You’re strategy has not really evolved much since back then. You come in, guns blazing, fail miserably to make anything good happen for yourself, then make it your sole purpose to appear as useless and weak as possible.

That strategy works well, until you find yourself in a tribe with Joan, who has taken your strategy to a whole new level.

For you, my friend, I have a haiku, or more appropriately, a request…

Every time you talk, Bullshit comes out of your mouth. Shut the f*ck up, please!



-

Joan

Joan you are a delight to watch play. However experiencing your tricks this season I’ve noticed you have lost one key element…

SUBTLETY!

Yes, yes, dear Joan. You see, it’s one thing to actually be a goat. Another thing to appear like a goat, to help yourself get further. But you, my friend, are literally screaming from the roof about your goat status.

-You purposefully send a selfie instead of voting. -You use your own tribe flag as an opportunity to call yourself a sloth. -and then to top it all off you actually called yourself a goat at tribal council.

I mean! ....

People may begin to suspect soon…

But, Señor Joan, you forgot one very important detail of being a goat…

Goats have absolutely no idea of their status. They are blissfully unaware of how much they suck.



So anyone who thinks this guy is getting to the end as a goat. Look again. This spider has spun a wide web. Don’t get caught.

But to keep it light, let us focus your haiku not on your true form, but your pretend form - the fool.

Sending a selfie During an important vote... '''Thank you for failing! <3'''

Lucas



Some of my closest friends and allies in ORG history have been Polish:

Patrick Szymon Wojtek

I never once had trouble with timezones with them.

Until I met you...



Your haiku was fairly straightforward really...

How can I describe, The infamous Mick Tesso? '''Simple... He's a troll!'''

Wes

I had some pretty choice words I wanted to say about Wes...

But I don't want to get banned from the main org so I'll keep them to myself! Definitely don't want to make the mistake of accusing YOU of having a penis.

For Wes my haiku will take on the form of a prophecy...

You control this game? '''Shika will turn on you... Fast.''' The mighty will fall.



Joe

If there is one thing I can say about Joe, it's that I don't really know the guy. Yet surprisingly, this charming young man scored himself TWO haikus from me...

The first shall depict our first proper conversation:

Do as I say now Or you're a shitty player! By the way, I'm Joe...

I am no sheep Joe.



It is YOU who has fallen into sheepdom!

Hey, Baa Baa Black Sheep! Didn't notice you playing. Come out of hiding.



Will

Ah Will, my merge friend, the person who really made me feel safe in this game thanks to your time and effort. We forged a great alliance together, take a look:



And for a while I was really happy...



But after what you did to Martin... What happens now?



For you, my haiku will give you what you’ve been getting from me all along. The truth:

We both had your back, You had a good thing going. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . '''I’m coming for you. '''













Thanks for being good sports everyone! This was a lot of fun to make/bully Jerby into making and I hope it can all be taken light heartedly. :)