Board Thread:Survivor 30: Legends/@comment-4975295-20180220051154/@comment-26703314-20180220053417

At this point I don't even know if I want mine to stay lit. We all wanted to be on this season so bad but it's become a completely ugly, stressful thing and I don't even know what to say or do about it. I feel completely alone, ostracized, and somewhat picked on. You know I've never said anything about anyone in this game that I didn't air out to the entire world...but I know people talk about me behind my back. About how mean I am, awful, how I'm probably a cheater and deserved to be ejected too. It's just really hard and I don't know what it is I did that warrants that. Because I said one mean sentence? Because I'm friends with Torsa and Chris? I really don't know. What's the point in even being here anymore since I know none of these assholes will vote me to win. I haven't been their proper idea of what a winner should be. I made moves but not, you know, the arbitrarily defined ones that mark a winner. I've talked to people, but you know just not in the exact right way. It's so fucking frustrating having worked my ass off to be here and knowing that nothing I do means anything to anyone.

I've been so completely honest this entire game with everyone. I've laid it all on the table to anyone willing to speak to me and it fucking hurts so bad having been backstabbed by every single person left in this game. Each and every one of them has lied to me and I just lost the only person who was with me to the end and I just really don't know what to do. I'm by myself, I can't talk to or trust any of these people because they either twist my words behind my back or just lie to my face. What's the point? I'm miserable, I miss my friends, I miss not having to deal with these people. And what will I get for it? More lies, more backstabbing, and if I do somehow make it to the end, a nice hearty 'not good enough' from the people on the jury who certainly weren't good enough themselves but feel quite superior and pleased with themselves.

And these goddamn people have the audacity to act like they give two shits about me. I know your song and dance act, you've tried it a million times and each time you pretend as though you didn't just get finished wiping your asses with the trust I gave you. At this point I have more respect for Christine than any of you because she stopped even trying to pretend like she cared a long time ago. So, you know what? To hell with all of you. I'm not giving you an ounce more of my fucking feelings. Anger, sadness, frustration. This post is the last I'll speak of it to any of you. So don't you fucking dare come to my PMs acting like you care about what I think or how I feel. Because the truth is, if you did you wouldn't act the way you do.