I Think I'm Starting To Lose It/Confessionals

Day 28
"aurora"

- Our next challenge was cookie clicker... and I had such a late start but I didn't quit. Mihai nailed another win and that's when a lot things started to fall apart...

Initially, I wanted to get Marc put on the jury for his lack of trust in me and for how unreliable he is. Plus he was planting seeds that Mihai and I were a powerful duo so that wasn't necessary. He wanted to target JR so I reported this back to Josh and JR and they were set. But it was also my mission to find out who really had the vote canceler. Could've been Josh or Mihai and if Mihai had it never told me... we have a serious problem. I threw Ci'ere under the bus (with his approval) to see if Josh would cough up his item, and he seemed pretty sincere when he said he didn't have it. That meant Mihai could have it and I needed to find out where our status as a duo really stands. When he hopped online he basically went all out as to why Ci'ere needs to go instead.

I also asked him to share his idol clue first, and let me say, he clearly didn't put a lot of thought into his bluff, because that clue he shared was CLEARLY fake. It looked like he copied and pasted his other clues and added the new clue himself. The punctuation, structure, and overall "clue" itself didn't look legit at all. "The answer to this question is a survivor player" LOL not buying any of that.

I had to play dumb and this sent the message that we're splitting. This also means he could own an idol and so I couldn't taking out a Ferrar and make a mess. I had to make a HUGE sacrifice and leak a ton of Ci'ere mumbo jumbo and that got Mihai paranoid. He finally admitted to having the vote canceler, and revealed that JR and Josh changed their plans to Ci'ere without telling me. I put two and two together from the way Marc talked strategy with me. I should've known he ratted Ci'ere out and joined those two.

Oh yeah Mrs. Franzel FINALLY messages me back! It was brief but still progress. I knew she would go with the majority so that meant Ci'ere was doomed. I voted Josh anyway since Ci'ere tries so hard to play with loyalty and I wanted to honor that. Might ruin everything I worked for, but I'm not going down anytime soon.

"aurora"

- As the end gets closer, I think I'm starting to lose it. I don't know if I actually control this game or if I'm just being delusional. I don't know if I can trust my allies anymore. I don't know if I'm just paranoid.

This feeling originally began last night after Josh told me that he thinks Mihai is in an alliance with Andrew. We started to talk about what we gathered and we began trying to figure it out. Josh told me before that Marc told him that Marc, Andrew and Mihai were originally aligned. Then, just before tribal, Andrew told me that Mihai told him about the our plan to take out Ciere. If their alliance is real, then my only chance of surviving is getting Chrissa to flip. Perfect! My nightmare scenario could not get any worse. Honestly, I don't know anymore.

Add to that, I'm heading to an end where I absolutely cannot win. If I go with Josh or Mihai, I will be seen as a goat dragged by them. If I betray them, I will lose because I voted out the people I'm closest to. I won't get credit to the moves I made.

However, win or lose, I will fight to the very end ??

"aurora"

- honestly...this guy.....

"aurora"

- All that trash between Mihai and I needs to stay in the past. We legit need to stay together otherwise we're both fucked. We have two idols, a vote canceler, and just the right number of people are left to guarantee us F4.

This vote's tricky though. I'm expecting arrows shot at me next but that's what I'm hoping for.

"aurora"

- This tribal will be so messy and I'm a bit worried. My plan for this tribal was to flush andrew's idol because he is the clear winner right now and cant allow him to have more power. The thing is that andrew still wants to work with me after lying to him so much and that makes me feel weird a bit because I dont know if I should think he's really that blind or that he's playing me. Anyway, me, josh and jr decided to vote for chrissa, but make andrew think it's him. The thing is that andrew came to me with this plan of making people targetting him so he can use his idol and us 2 vote for jaime, while chrissa already voted me. Tbh, I want jamie gone because she hates me, never talks to me and if she stays, jr and josh wil have options and I want to be their only option. Anyway, I think it would be soooo dumb for these people to keep me, but I think this might actually happen. I will just push the knife deeper into andrew's heart, but it's something I need to do. I havent played so hard only to lose because I put friendships first.

Day 29
"aurora"

- Right now, I think the votes are as follows: Mihai and Marc for Chrissa, Jamie and Josh for Andrew, and Chrissa for Mihai. I'm not sure who Andrew is voting for. Chrissa? Mihai? If he voted for Chrissa, then she is out for sure. If he voted for Mihai, then this is my time to flip. I talked to Josh a while ago and I suggested taking Mihai out. The problem is, Josh trusts Mihai too much. He can't see the fact that we can't win against Mihai. Granted, I can't win against Josh either but one at a time. Anyway, so he voted for Andrew. This sucks since Mihai is apparently cancelling Jamie's vote which means that Chrissa, my ideal goat, is most likely going home tonight.