Board Thread:Survivor 31: Byzantium/@comment-31683906-20180419023100/@comment-19601789-20180420034248

Hey Sam, nice to see you too! About you saving me at the Claire vote essentially and saying it had nothing to do with our connection seems pretty interesting from the conversation we had after the immunity results.

Sam (MAR 29, 3:06 PM) "you there?"

"I am"

Sam (MAR 29, 3:06 PM) "can I be real with you"

"Go for it man"

Sam (MAR 29, 3:07 PM) "i like you a lot like I'm being 100% deadass when I say"

"Is this you confessing your love to me?"

Sam (MAR 29, 3:08 PM) "im closer to you then most of my post swap people lol, LMAO STOP"

You then gave me the information that Claire wanted either myself or Hannah out where we talked about it afterwards. Obviously, you could've lied to me about liking me and whatnot, but from my perspective, I felt as though we were cool. You were also the one to introduce the game talk in this conversation, not me. I can admit as I scrolled through our conversations, I did change it to game talk quite often but we did have good things to talk about that weren't at all game related. A reason why I was trying to get it to turn into game talk during those first two votes was because you and Charlie were in prime positions to essentially choose where the power would go and like I said in my speech, I wanted to shift the power in my direction. That being said, I told you and Charlie to do whatever you two felt comfortable with whether it affected my game or not during the Liam vote which did come from my heart. I didn't like seeing how people were complaining about you two not making a decision yet and keeping your cards close and I sympathized with that. Also, while I do want to say that you bringing the information to me that Claire want myself or Hannah out kept me safe and made sure the idol was played correctly, Hannah and I were talking beforehand that Claire was likely targeting one of us anyway and I mentioned that it might be me only because at that point, I still haven't responded to her while Hannah did. You and Charlie helped out a lot, but I don't think it was solely you two.

I might sound like a broken record at this point, but the flaws in my game were pretty prevalent. I lied when I didn't need too because I felt as though I had to in some cases, but looking back it did not have to be at the level I was doing it. Reading back on my conversations with people, I can recognize as to how I was perceived as "fake" due to my overuse of emojis and the keyboard smashing which made me seem like I was talking for the sake of talking and not trying to have intelligent conversations. I do think at some points in the game, I was really indecisive about how my vote should go or how I should approach a round. That does stem back to how I am in my normal life because I've experienced firsthand how quickly things can come up from under you and make your life go in a different direction than expected, which translates to just about everything and anything I do.

Looking back, I do wish I could've been more engaged when talking to people because of the way I texted, it made me seem a way that I'm really not. In terms of the lying, I really just could've been more honest/blunt about my thought process. I could've talked to Claire during her vote, I could've let Charlie know his name was out there, etc.

The flaw I found in Andre's game was that while he did make the right decisions that made sense for him, his reasonings were very flawed. A large part of why he wanted to flip on Tyler and Priscilla was because he wanted to be petty since Tyler "gave Andre's idol" to Pris. His endgame was very centred on that one situation, which I do think hurts him a bit.

With Nicole, much like Andre said, she just seemed very disinterested. I once had a conversation with Nicole in which all her responses were "lul" or "rip", which shows she didn't want to put the effort into socializing with other people. Not only that, but she never tried to initiate much conversation with others whether it be social or strategic.

Three words I would use to describe my game would be open, gamebot-y, and impersonal. In some votes in this game, I was very open as to what I could do with other people in the game because there were many factors to consider every round so I was a little overwhelmed by that, which led to me lying to people to cover my ass. It did however allow me to keep an open line of communication that proved to be useful in votes where it was needed the most. I would say gamebot-y because my mind was always centered on winning the game and playing the game to the best of my ability that sometimes I lost sight of what was important, whether it be in real life or in the game. My eyes being on the prize did allow me to never steer away from making the best moves possible for myself. I would say impersonal as well because of the way I approached situations where at times, I never took into account how a person would feel at the end of the day. This can be traced back to my lying as well.

If I were on the jury, my ideal final 3 would be Tyler, Luca, and one of Charlie/Priscilla. I believe all of them played games worthy of a win. For example, Tyler and Luca were both past winners and came into this game with a target on their backs due to being known. Despite that, they were able to use their social skills and strategic minds to carve a path that could've very well led to either of them winning again. Priscilla played an amazing, UTR game that allowed for her to stay in the good graces of most people and deter the target from her onto other people. She was able to use Tyler as a shield and then took him out when the moment seemed right. I also said Charlie because I feel like had he not been booted, he could've easily played the middle and had a compelling story due to being the sole remaining Brawn.

I do think jurors can make the wrong decision on who to vote for because their criteria for who deserves to win is typically subjective and guided by emotion. I myself have voted for someone because they treated me better or were my friend over someone who played a better game (this was the one time I was on a jury too, might I add). There are so many factors that weigh into a vote that it really just depends on what factor led the person to vote the way they did.

To address what Andre said in his response to this speech, the harsh words you guys have said to me really have affected me and I know they shouldn't since you guys don't know me in my personal life, but they struck a chord that seems to have been prevalent for most of my life. I don't want this to get too sentimental, but communication is something I do struggle with, especially with the people I'm closest too oddly enough. I'm someone who has walls built up and the closer you get to me, the higher I raise them. Perhaps a reason why I seemed so fake in the first place was because in the game and in my life, I try to be light-hearted and value friendships that can be very surface-level because that's what I've allowed myself to get used to. I personally don't think I was fake at all with any of you, I was just a very positive person who wanted to keep things light and not be vulnerable in that way. I did lie, but all of it had to do with the game at hand, not anything personal. From the sounds of it, my character is being judged and it seems like it's things outside of the game and outside of what I could control. You all have your own opinions of me and are entitled to them, but I know who I am and how I operate. Thank you for your time.