He'll Rat Me Out/Confessionals

Day 32
"dākusukai"

- In light of not winning immunity I have to play my idol. There is literally no way I could scrape through this vote and I can't really take a chance. My goal at the moment is to try and appear like I don't have an idol. So that means I need to keep scrambling as if I thought this was the end. I need to message Wes and Joe, despite not wanting to, because if I don't they might get suspicious. It sucks because I'm gonna pretend to beg for my life in the game even tho I will probably be idoling myself. It sucks giving them any sort of satisfaction at this point. But I gotta try to ensure all votes comes my way and I can ultimately send someone else home. inb4 fake idol…

I'm being given hope that I might survive this vote. It seems a little too good to be true so I think that I'm gonna have to wait till the last minute before I decide whether or not to play my idol. The thing is, if I play it this round and it saves me, I'm still probably just going to be the next boot. It may make more sense for me to just get booted out with the idol and hope to come back from RI with the idol still in my pocket - as unlikely as returning would be. I want to trust Will. As much as my guard has gone up over losing Martin, I still want to believe that Will and I can work well together. But I mean... can he ever trust me after my haiku? I dunno... They're telling me that Wes, Will, Lucas and I will vote Austin. But it doesn't seem right to me. Why would Wes vote Austin? What good does that do him at this point?

"dākusukai"

- I'm still here baby! Crazy Martin left and Richie is left wondering what just happened! His own fault for not making a move when he should. Anyway, in my original plan, I wanted to go with Richie to take Will out but this is Richie we're talking about. He hates me. If I tell him I want to vote Will, he'll rat me out so it's best to get rid of him next and go with Joan, Austin, and Lucas to the final 4

"dākusukai"

- My first Roast challenge, tbh I really have nothing creativity to say which really nerve racking and I haven't found my loved one so that's gonna be difficult to find. Though I can't wait to see what the others have to say about me, so Bring It Bitches!

"dākusukai"

- Richie wants me to work with him yet he calls me a sheep? Great job there, slugger. Last time I check, me voting with Wes and Will isn't being a sheep, it's saving my ass. In fact, I was the one to get them to vote with me. But whatever, he'll be joining everyone at RI soon…

Um what Joan? You made up the plan to blindside Will? Last time I checked, I was already voting him. You just came up to me and asked if I was really willing to do it…

Will wants to go to the end with Wes and I because we would all have an equal chance at winning. Good joke there, pal. If the final three was Will, Wes, and I, I would get the jury votes of Austin and possibly Jack while Will and Wes would overshadow me and destroy me in the vote so no, I won't go to the end with you to. My whole plan for me getting to the end hinges on Richie losing the challenge since Joan won't be able to vote so if it happens, I just tell Austin 'Look, we can't tie it so let's just vote Richie.' However, Will probably won't want to do it so I need to try and convince him to do it

"ri"

- I think this is my last stand. 1. I suck at this challenge and 2. Tyler and Martin are way better at challenges. I think it will take a miracle to win this. but i've made it 10 days farther than I was voted out, I survived two duels and I there is only 7 or 8 days left so I'm happy with where I've gotten in this game but i'd still like to improve it but I don't know if that can still happen. I'm definitely not giving up but my chances of surviving this duel don't look good…

I've been sitting here on redemption island for a while and I still don't know why I was voted off over Austin who was perceived as our little leader or whatever. I've been think a lot about who I would vote to win this game if I lose and honestly I really only know about Austin's game a little bit of Joe's s there will probably be a lot of questions asked at FTC. But hopefully I don't go home so I can be redemption queen :~)

I doubt myself way too much in this game, I have panicked at all of the duels. I had actually convinced myself that I lost today's duel and that is not the mentality I need to have to get back into the game lmao. This tribal could be another blood bath. It seems that everyone is against Richie I think ,or Wes or Will idk they all look the same tbh. But whoever it was is on the outs could have the idol, then this tribal could be crazy and I mean imo every tribal council throughout the merge has been chaos from my view point atleast so why change that amirite.

"dākusukai"

- I feel like every single decision I make is a bad one. It seems like most of the tribe wants me gone and I’m just hanging by a thread. All I can really do is keep diverting the attention to other people. However I know the idol is out there and someone is going to use it too and I believe without a doubt that the idol will be used to try and blindside me. Worst part about this is that there is little that I can do. I feel like I can’t trust anyone besides Wes, but if I were in Wes’s shoes I would vote me off. If I’m not gone here I will need to try my absolute best to be immune the next couple tribals. I wish we can get back to a flash game so that I can have my best chance again of winning one.