Board Thread:Season 38: Rhineland/@comment-26394150-20190325125536/@comment-35910691-20190326082321

Hi Chelsea. For the record, I don’t think you were brutal, I think your points were completely valid, so no worries there. But anyway, your question to me is pretty much “What the fuck happened?” I can assure you that I did not ever give up in this game or intend to stop trying. Unfortunately for me, real life issues got in the way. I never mentioned my problems to anyone because I didn’t want it to turn around and look like I was making excuses for why I sucked. As I’m typing this, I already feel slightly uncomfortable with it because I normally do not share my personal issues with anyone or talk about myself. In my life, there have only been a handful of people who I felt comfortable talking with and expressing my issues. But you asked what happened, so I feel obligated to answer you. Around the time merge came around (it might have even been a little before then), I got into a car accident(nothing major, everyone involved was safe). But nonetheless, my truck was damaged. The front bumper was smashed down and is now sitting practically on top of my driver’s side wheel. So, whenever I make a righthand turn, the metal and plastic from my bumper grind against the wheel and its eating away at it. But anyway, my car insurance obviously went up, and I needed to get my truck fixed because it really is unsafe, but I drive with it regardless. So, to help myself out with the costs I got another part time job, working with one of my friends as a mover, and taking any extra shifts at my previous job that I could. So here I am, playing this game, working 2 jobs, getting maybe 4 or 5 hours of sleep a day if I’m lucky. And I guess now I’m gonna lead into the part where I am slightly uncomfortable with. With my bank account depleting, not enough sleep, I started to fall back into a dark place in where I haven’t been in a little while. I stopped feeling good about myself; constantly questioning if the effort I’m putting into real life is paying off because it’s constantly crap; I was genuinely not happy with my life. So, with all of this happening at once, and the merge came in the game, I got overwhelmed I guess you could say. So once the early rounds of the merge took place, I became content with my position in the game. I was aligned with people I enjoyed being around and wasn’t in immediate danger. So, I settled for the easy, safe option because I needed a rest mentally. And in between jobs I would try and talk to people, but those dark thoughts would always creep back into my mind and I would lose any energy I had into socializing in the game and obviously my status and reputation in the game paid the price. I wish I could go back and talk more, and make better relationships, and just play a better game. But I can’t. So, there is your answer. I settled for a safe spot in the game to ease some of the pressures I was facing in real life.