We Always Have a Story/Confessionals

Rainbow=

Day 36
No confessionals were submitted on Day 36.

Day 37
No confessionals were submitted on Day 37.

Day 39

 * -|Black and White=

Day 34
"yangra"

- I've been hoodwinked, scammed, duped before. I've been told I have a trusting face. I've been approached with the offer of joining at least 7 separate pyramid schemes over the course of my life. But I don't know if I've ever been scammed as hard as this before.

I felt like Kristen Bell in the Good Place at the end of season 1, when she has an epiphany and realizes she's been living a lie. It was adrenaline pumping, exhilarating, terrifying. Literally all 4 of us thought we had a final 2 deal with CJ, and it took me having a conversation with Nathaniel and comparing notes with him to figure it out. I feel like I've just solved a murder, before the murder even happened.

I think Nicole was the most duped of all, and she still ended up voting for Isaiah. And to be fair, it seems like now she was probably the person he was actually planning to take to the final 2. She's really choked up and emotional now, so I'm being there as best I can be. And I'm going through the same thing - I thought this whole time I was playing CJ, when really he was the one playing me. Well, maybe we were playing each other. But in the end I came out on top.

The moment that it all finally clicked with me came way too late. There were alarm bells going off the last couple of days, red flags everywhere, but I took too long to see them. I knew him gunning so hard for Isaiah but not being upfront about it was shady. I knew it was weird that he very nearly was going to survive the round without having his name written down at all, despite being known as the biggest threat in the game.

But what finally clicked with me was talking to Nathaniel, and seeing how the idea of even thinking about blindsiding CJ was choking him up. This is Nathaniel, who would've 100% been backstabbed by CJ this round if he'd lost immunity. And then the whole picture came into focus, and it was an elaborate mural depicting all 4 of us as clowns.

I want to be clear - I'm not mad. I'm impressed. CJ played the game I thought I was playing. Though I think I am still playing that game to be fair - I haven't had my name even written down once (although 3/4 of this final 4 can say that somehow) and I've essentially controlled how every vote has gone down. But I was about to waltz blindly in front of a steamroller and let my endgame get trampled by CJ. But no more. I didn't come this far, fight this hard, just to have my redemption story end now. I'm going to win, and fuck it, I'm going to play a perfect game. It's an all stars season, and everyone is playing their hearts out, but nobody's got more heart than me.

Day 35
"yangra"

- So CJ is ded, like I had planned. Sounds like he was trying to snipe me again, but dots were connected not long before the vote and he had a F2 with everyone left in the game. Conch came to me and we connected, they went to Nathaniel, and I went to Nicole. Turns out he really was playing all of us. What a king. Absolute chad. He literally had all of us fooled into almost taking him to the end despite his presence in this game. I'm glad I was able to actually turn the tides against him though. He played a beastly game, and I know that all of us would've lost to him. Thankfully I outlasted AGAIN. I have had many close calls, but I'm hoping that just makes my game seem more impressive to the jury.

"yangra"

- So now, Nathaniel has won immunity. As expected. One good thing though? I think I am almost guaranteed F3. Conch has no interest in taking me out here, Nicole already said she wants to take a shot at Conch while she can, and I am currently talking to Nathaniel, who has been honest in saying he does not want me out and there is a 0% chance I go here. So I will not rejoice until tribal is over, I will happily say that this is going smoother than I thought. I was scared I would get almost got again since I have been targeted these last few votes, (unsuccessfully ;) ) so I am glad I get to breathe.

In summary, Nicole is going for Conch and vise versa. This leaves me and Nathaniel as the deciders. Nathaniel sees them both as FTC threats and feels that Nicole has a better chance of winning FIC and beating him at FTC. I personally see the opposite my self. I don't expect to win against Conch, and I feel they have a better chance at winning FIC. Nathaniel has mentioned that he does not want to be against Nicole at FTC, and I feel better against him than Conch at FTC. So right now I know Conch might be the choice for me to go. It just sucks so fucking bad because they expect me to keep them here, and ending their game after they have played so amazingly is tough. But I did promise myself I would not play with my emotions this time around, so I gotta do whats better for me. BUT if I do take out Nicole, Nathaniel is guaranteed to take me to FTC over Conch if he wins FIC. But if I take out Conch and Nicole wins FIC, there is still a chance she takes Nathaniel. The worst option for me would be keeping Conch and they win FIC, because either I get 3rd, or I have a huge uphill battle at FTC. My god this is tough. Nathaniel can't flop can he? Not even once?

Fuck. So Nathaniel wants Nicole out, I want Conch out. We both have pros and cons, and we both benefit and don't benefit from both choices. I don't know what's going to happen here, but I am so fucking nervous either way.

Day 36
No confessionals were submitted on Day 36.

Day 37
No confessionals were submitted on Day 37.

Day 38
"yangra"

- WELL WELL WELL. Not gonna lie I don't even remember what I wrote in my last conf doiakjdaiodka. That challenge KILLED ME. My almost hour and a half of penalties made me scream. I knew winning the final immunity challenge was unlikely, but I still had a sliver of hope! Even though I know I really should not have. Nathaniel really do be a challenge beast, having him and CJ on the same season makes it a lot harder for us who are mediocre/bad at challenges to win.

"yangra"

- But after speaking with Nathaniel, I do think this is the end for me. I took a gamble with voting out Conch, and it seems it didn't pay off! But that's just how it be. Nathaniel was honest in saying he wanted Conch out over Nicole at F4, so at best there would've been fire, and I could've ended up in this position anyway! Either way there was never a 100% path for me to get to FTC no matter the outcome, and sadly I think this universe is the one where I get 3rd. Still an iconic placement is it not? God I am so excited to read all of the confessionals back and see how bad some of my reads and predictions were lol. Me and Nicole were just talking last night about confessionals, and I'm glad I was able to actually write more this time around. Usually I am ASS at writing them, but I'm happy I actually got more down.

"yangra"

- If this really is the end for me, I would like to make my final confessional thanking the hosts for an amazing season <3 I am very grateful that I got to return and truly prove myself as a player.

Big Rhonda is eternal. And in the words of Mark: Stay Cute <3

Day 39
"yangra"

- https://youtu.be/Xo-S9FRy3kM