Can I Win? Debatable/Confessionals

Day 34
"zaghagmaloo"

- I have made it. The finale. It is awesome. Can I win? Debatable, but I am just so happy to be here, whether I am 5th or 1st.

Day 35
"zaghagmaloo"

- [Super tiring day, so just have a couple snippets]

I‘m guaranteed the final 4. The final fucking 4. Only one step away from FTC. - how silly that the best score is only 5/20, and yet everyone is so gonna claim they played a good social game. What social if you don‘t know about the people? - is this the opportunity to shittalk Gavin for Morgan so that in final 4 Morgan chooses me over Gavin due to loyalty? - aaand vote change from Cole to Jason, works super well with me!

Day 36
There were no confessionals recorded on Day 36.

Day 37
"zaghagmaloo"

- Man, I fucked up final 4 immunity challenge at the very last part.... I was killing it up until that part and now all I have to do is hope others did worse. I was pretty much immune since like Day 25. If I don't win immunity here, this will be my first time I'm actually vulnerable. I think it's very possible that I could sway people to vote a certain way to force a tie? I've been working on my relationship with Catnip this whole game so I'm hoping she would be willing to take me to the end or if Gavin/Cole decided that Catnip is a much bigger jury threat than I am. I dont think I really played well this season. I was in the minority off the bat and I hate absuing the fact I'm really good at challenges. I rather get to the end with my social skill but I knew I couldn't.

Day 38
"zaghagmaloo"

- About to tell Morgan he is going. I do not want him to feel burnt by me, so might as well be honest

"zaghagmaloo"

- Aaaah, it hurts again. I feel we have bonded so much... And to be honest, for about a week I kept thinking if I should write Morgan‘s name down here. I thought if in final 3 I‘m with Morgan and Cole, I could make a point about being a newbie and yet playing in a way where I ended up at the same level as the veterans; if I was with Morgan and Gavin, I could make an argument that me flipping essentially saved their minority alliance to the point where both of them are in the FTC now. Voting Morgan out would kinda be neither. It‘s kinda even funny how Gavin was gunning for Morgan even earlier than me, saying „you‘d better beat Morgan here“ before the immunity challenge. So for about a week now I‘ve been thinking about this. And for most of it I was set on being in FTC with Morgan – was preparing arguments based on being against him and what have you. And then realised that these thoughts were under the assumption that he wins the immunity and I don‘t even have to make that choice. But mostly I was set on bringing him with me. And now, yesterday or the day before... I can‘t. It‘s too threatening, it‘s too risky. I thought I could still make my case even if with him alongside, but why would I even take that risk, having such a direct opportunity to eliminate it? It‘s final 4, it‘s not betrayal... Or at least, not proper flipping. It‘s still an individual game. And it‘s still a game and I did sign up with the goal to win. And I just have to. I voted off Kamen to benefit my individual game. Why is Morgan more special? Why shouldn‘t I do the same here, right? The jury will more respect consistency in such decision, rather than doing different things. I would respect myself for being consistent, over me betraying one but saving another. So Morgan‘s name is the one I have to write.

But when talking to him, I still waver. I still go back and forth and doubt myself. And he asks me directly, baiting it out, am I not writing his name down for real? And I can wait to send my answer, to stall the inevitable, but I have to tell him nonetheless. And there‘s the hurt. There‘s him being upset. And I get it. I can‘t say he‘s overreacting, I can‘t say he doesn‘t have a reason to be salty about it. But yeah. That keeps me wavering. I‘m still not fully sure. He gives me arguments of why Cole is a bigger threat than him. I disagree with those arguments, but that‘s fine. And then he just... lets his salt out. „I would have taken you over Cole, even if you had been harder to beat. But it seems you‘ve made up your mind now“. And that just... I think that cemented it. Not to appear liked „oh, I have the power, so you have to dance for me“, but if you‘re trying to convince me and sway me into deciding I shouldn‘t write your name down, this is very much the way to go. And I don‘t way say it cemented it as in „oh, if he‘s being snappy, then fuck it, I‘m voting him off“. There was a tiny element of that, but overall I just realised that it seems no matter which way I go, I‘m gonna upset someone. The jury, Kamen, Morgan... So if I‘m gonna upset someone, I may as well do what makes me happy. Or rather, what I feel is best for my game. My decision. And thus, I write my closest ally‘s name on the parchment again. It‘s a simple reason but not an easy decision. I just hope it‘s the right one. We shall see if it is on Day 39.

Day 39
"zaghagmaloo"

- So, this is it. I made it to the end. I have very good competiton, and it is up the 8 people we voted out to pick the winner. Will I win? I am not sure, but I think I pitched a good case. I am satisfied with what I have done, and may the best one win!