Big Brother 5/Week 6

"manco capac"

- come for me

"manco capac"

- BB5_Week_6_(literally_after_DE)

"manco capac"

- Okay after this mess of a video confessional, now that I slept over it I have collected my thoughts about some important things, regarding this DE lmao

- I was so prepared for Erin to leave, like I thought she was done with and I was sad and literally prepared this picture to post as a VL: https://i.imgur.com/nzTAr2x.png

- I fucking lied to GRANT and TRENT about my vote, thinking Erin would go and my vote could go unnoticed and now I look like a super shady bastard to both of them (it sucks bc I made progress with Grant and to have him be evicted this way was tragic) and now I have to deal with Trent being pissed and seeking revenge, I have no fucking idea why he didn't nominate me though, like that was S-H-O-C-K-I-N-G - does he NOT know that he was like 99.9% of a backdoor option for me last week? Did nobody tell him when he won "ALEX WAS GONNA BD YOU" or did he just not care? I don't fucking know but whatever it was, it worked for me?!

- This DE really made me realize how important Bryce was as a side-ally, he really gave me vibes that he cared about me still being there, gave me updates about the challenge and we talked about the vote after it happened (where he didn't hesitate to tell me how he voted) so I hope I get to keep Bryce as long as possible, until I have to get rid of him for strategic purposes that is jhagsdjlg

- I think I might be Hannah's closest person, she reveals a lot of strategy to me and it really sucks because I do love her, but I know I have a f2 with Alietta and I don't necessarily want to betray that, but also I'm gonna feel like shit, if eventually I have to choose between them, so hopefully, if anything, it happens at the end where I can just give the reason "You are a bigger strategic threat" sadgksg

- I'm kind of a wussy when it comes to personal feelings after making strategic decisions LMAO, I KNOW THEY ARE GOOD FOR MY GAME but I end up being kind of a little mess inside afterwards, because I just end up in a ball of self-sorrow and feeling bad and "oh my god I regret not telling them" and shit like that, but hey maybe it's a bit of a character development, because I used to lack that sense of empathy in games before kljksadg

Going forward, I have no idea what's right for me, do I win HOH, do I float for a week or two, I think I have a good record with most people, but at the same time, there's also some uncertainty with some people, I know Trent can't win HOH and I think after me lying to him kinda he would be pissed, but I do kinda want to repay him somewhat for keeping me safe and not just mindlessly get him out and be like "lol should've evicted me :)" (which really, he should've gotten rid of me) - Whether it's a vote or something in that area, I'm gonna try to help him out for at least this next round lol

"manco capac"

- Alex if my scores aren’t that hard to beat then feel free to go ahead and do it 🙃 ggggaaah don’t tell me that and then not do it like really

"manco capac"

- Here's a big confessional as I haven't been here for a few days. Jake was evicted and I'm annoyed I didn't have time to speak to him before he left because I feel guilty about the way he left. I feel like my jury management is really poor at the moment so it's something I am going to need to work on. Not being able to compete in the DE eviction had me so scared. I have worked hard to get to this point and I remember feeling like it could be gone just like that. Trent wins the DE HOH and I'm thinking FUCK. Of all people, one of my targets wins. However, I felt although Trent would probably make a bigger move by nominating at least one of Alex or Hannah but then again I guess it showed me how much they have Trent fooled. I get nominated and I immediately popped off. I was livid. There were five minutes left of the interval of the show I was watching and I was thinking "I'm not going to be able to compete and I am going to be going home". I was confident with my social game but I was extremely paranoid of not knowing what was going down. I shouldn't of got mad but part of it was from the frustration of not being able to save myself and the other half was the fact that I had made effort with Trent earlier in the game and he chose not to talk to me. Even though he claims it was unintentional, he still chose not to do it. And when we had a little argument at the Aromal vote, we decided to start fresh and once again he didn't respond to me. I am not going to keep talking to people when I feel like they don't want to talk to me. So, I had to turn my phone off due to the workers telling me to do so and I was sat there for an hour in displeasure not knowing who won veto and more importantly, whether I survived or not. As soon as the performance was gone the first thing I saw was Grant evicted 4-3 and I thought it was me against him, but the further I looked up I saw that Hannah had used the veto on me and that for me showed me she has loyalties. Grant leaving was a terrible mistake. I had missed Erin out my voting list order but my vote would of gone for her. One little mistake and it cost Grant his game. When I messaged Trent, he told me if I carried on arguing with him he could switch the target onto me. He does not know who the fuck he is messing with. And then when I survived, I made it clear that I'll be after him (which probably wasn't the best move) and he proceeds to say my reasons for targeting him are stupid and that I'm a "weak bitch". When you call me a weak bitch, I'll show you who will come out stronger bitch and it's going to be me. Then Bryce wins HOH, but I messaged him well before the competition so hopefully it looks good because I knew he'd have a good chance of winning a flash game. Alex apparently accidentally sent the wrong score but knowing that he and Bryce talk, I have a theory/gut feeling that Alex would of known Bryce's score and maybe threw the competition to him. Alex is probably going to be safe on this HOH so I guess the main people in the firing line would be me, Hannah and Erin. Either way, I need to be in that POV competition and I need to control my fate this week. A last minute ditch would be getting Domonique to use her DPOV but I don't want to put that on her.

"manco capac"

- I think I might have just done one of the stupidest things possible in this game and that's getting a little too comfortable in my position, I think I should be safe with Bryce as HOH, so I should be happy, BUT there is also a strong possibility, that one of my allies could go home and that could put me in quite a tricky position number-wise going forward...

I don't understand how I was comfortably thinking I could just throw the HOH after I backdoored Jake and Grant (a side-ally of mine) just left too, like I think I should've just went for it and gotten rid of Emma or Dom (not Trent bc I had promised him I would make up the lied vote to him somehow lol) and idk, I just feel fucking stupid, I can't honestly tell my alliance that I just flat out threw this competition, I can't tell ANYONE I flat out threw this competition and I just feel terrible honestly, like what the fuck crossed my mind?

I don't know what got to me to think, that I could just carelessly put my fate into someone else's hands this week, even though it's Bryce, it's still something that can severely mess up my game and make my road to finals a lot more dangerous, in the event that Bryce does do the expected of a mixture Hannah/Alietta/Erin

I really hope that I can somehow talk Bryce into nominating Emma or Domonique, I guess Dom is more likely of an option LMAO, but I realistically don't see that happening and now I feel dumb, why the fuck did I decide to be so stupid and careless oasdgjksdg

"manco capac"

- So, Bryce wins Head of Household and his reasons for nominating were fair. Whatever. The real reason is because of the garbage alliance but he's trying to find other reasons to justify that. I missed my opportunity to lead because I didn't have my laptop and it wouldn't work on my phone. Up against Alex and Hannah, who I know will stay up all night based on previous competitions, is just a deadly combination. Knowing I probably have no chance of winning the veto, I need to use my time to make sure I am not the person going home. I guarantee I'll have Natalie and Domonique's vote. Plus, if Hannah really is the target then Emma and Trent will also probably be evicting her if she doesn't win veto. I can't he counting on Alex winning this veto so I need to repair my relationship with Trent and Emma to ensure that they are going to keep me around. As much as it's going to hurt me to say, I am going to have to apologise to Trent and make him think that I have thought about things and agree with him; I am a weak bitch and have been sitting around not doing anything whilst people throw my name under the bus and I need to do something about it. I'll say that me waking up to being nominated triggered this thought when next week, these bitches are going to pay for messing with me. Now that I have free time for at least the upcoming two weeks, that gives me more focus. Bryce and Trent, I am coming for your heads. It's time to really play. Winning competitions would probably make me a bigger target anyway and I can use Bryce's HOH to get rid of an ally I can't take to the end instead of doing it myself.

"manco capac"

- I feel really guilty about Hannah being the target this week. She is honestly one of the closest friends I have in the game and I have gained not only an ally this game but a friend. Hannah is probably one of my only real friends I have in this ORG and it hurts me that she's probably going to be heading home this week. I will forever appreciate what this girl has done for me in this game and I can only ask for forgiveness when I'm out and that's if she leaves this week.

"manco capac"

- BB5_CF_Week_6

"manco capac"

- Alex won the veto which is probably the best scenario besides me winning myself. The replacement is either going to be Erin or Natalie. If they were smart, they'd nominate Natalie to ensure Dom votes with them. I need to make sure Hannah doesn't flip the target from her to me but she seems to says she's. kt going to do that.

"manco capac"

- No video this time but yas gaga slay, I'm glad that all this time invested didn't go to waste and I was able to pull off a veto win, it was very fucking annoying though, because only me and Hannah tried, so it's obviously very telling that whoever lost was most likely just gonna get chopped in the vote so fuck everyone who was behind nominating me :- )

I'm fully convinced that Emma is NOT playing for herself but rather for Trent, because this is totally nominations that Trent would want to happen and her not even hesitating to nominate Erin once I used the veto on myself is just such a red flag too lmao, I genuinely genuinely want to finally take Trent out, he's actually so dangerous which is really unbelievable, cause most of the time his game talks seem so unreal (aka it comes off as some of the stuff he says is just fabricated) and he always just tries to tell you what you want to hear. It has been working for him up until now, it's just frustrating to think he could've been out the door, had I stuck to my gut and said that 103 isn't enough and tried once more LMAO but oh well, my fault...

Realizing that numbers were dwindling, I took it into my hands to message Natalie and try to have a little more of a gamey conversation, cause ya.. I do have a good relationship with her and throwing that to waste just because would be stupid, it's getting to the nitty gritty so every. number. is. important.

From what I gathered, she's being left out of that Bryce/Trent/Emma trio and they are not giving her information so I'm like omasdgiosdt that's perfect, because she's more likely to sway in my direction in the future and be a big part in helping me get them out (at least Trent for the start, because I have that little crumb of faith, that I'm still safe with Bryce for a little bit, but JUUUST a little bit, once Trent is gone then I have to focus on getting the threats out and he will be one of them so sajdgk)

Hannah is probably going home, it's really fucking unfortunate because I adore that girl so much and she's put so much work into this game for herself and her alliance and I think even though she's getting 9th she would've deserved to go at least a little further, like F6 or so, but this game isn't always fair asdglkjsg, I feel really guilty cause she is essentially going home due to my dumbass not going for the HOH - This ALL could have been avoided if I had just submitted my 428, but now we're stuck with this :)

Hopefully I can somehow recover from this, me or an ally win HOH next week and we can finally get a big fish out that is in our way...