I Am SO Uncomfortable/Confessionals

Day 10
"dion"

- So it goes. Ziggy is now gone. After the results were posted, sam blew up and started calling out this pre made alliance and I was extremely entertained by it. Fights that don't involve me are always the best kind. Anyways, with Sam blowing up it has made him the easy next target, however with feli most likely having relationships with the other side and sam saying that he will basically go after the pre game alliance it would be more benifical (sorry for misspelling) for me if feli goes and I think liz and karsten would be down for it as they high key hinted that they wanted feli gone in that alliance chat we are in. Jerry also messaged me in wanting feli gone as well, so it is def not impossible. I'm sure we can make it happen actually. We would just need one more vote and I think that sam would for sure go for it. I mean he really doesn't have anything to loose at this point. "mytikas"

- I don’t know what the fuck Sammy’s problem is, but I’ve done nothing to you for you to scream at me, Lexi, Liam or Gevonte..like literally we had to deal with Trey leaving yesterday. He was being trash by trying to bring Aleks into it. Whoever tries to attack me over an ex at this point I know will never be a real friend. I always felt like he was shady anyways. It actually didn’t bother me that he said it, but just so EVERYONE knows because this will be seen: There is no alliance, like there is no set alliance. So the one listed literally didn’t exist. Like of course they’re all my friends but we’re not working together unlike that guy and his friends..people can go and look at tons of seasons I’ve done and I’ve fought from scratch, like even if someone I knew was there I didn’t care. Like none of he people listed are my number ones. My number one to me is cammy and she’s the one who’s back I have. Liam told me however people were actually considering Cammy so if that’s the case I feel either I need to have her back again or I need to push for Nicole like Liam says he wants to. Because I can’t let Cammy be in danger for no reason. Like vs Nicole and Charlie? Hell no. Hopefully we can win the challenge so we don’t have to worry, and Sammy can go the fuck home for being such a goddamn idiot. "dion"

- https://youtu.be/A4hcuLSlhxU "mytikas"

- kind of late but poor Ziggy :( I honestly liked his presence a lot and would have loved to go far with him, rip i wonder what he did jfkasdj "mytikas"

- As much as Ziggy is a nice guy, I am kinda relieved to see him gone. Not because of anything to do with him, but because there are lots of people on Dion that I want to see make it to merge. I feel like I can continue building good relationships with people like Brian and Jerry. "mytikas"

- okay so he died?? afjdosilk IM okay welp i heard that he was messy af but like okay i just lost a loyal ally rip. anyways my tribe is pretty stronk atm and i hope it can stay that way its like all of the weakasses went to that side LUL "mytikas"

- honestly i love sammy and hes a king and i know all of these ppl r friends but i really dont think they're pregaming and what not. especially lexi, after the whole call out thing i went into her pms and kinda discussed it in like a non attacky way with her bc i knew the whole group was like already pretty upset about it. i like really think she was geniune when she says that she hates pregames bc of hvvii, she told me that no one talked to her in her entire merge tribe except for sora (king btw). like first of all being treated like that isn't right and smh @ those people!! but then like yeah i really.. dont think she'd do that

Day 11
"mytikas"

- BYEEEEEEEEEE SAMMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY ""dion"

- So, we lost again... Meh. Ben is by far my number 1 ally in this game. He's a friend and has shown interest in working with me long term which I really really want. I think an interesting move right now would be to eliminate Felipe. I mentioned this to Ben after the Ziggy tribal and he wanted to be on board but was nervous about the numbers. And now apparently Liz and Karsten wanna vote out Felipe. Well interesting then xD I'm cool with it. I don't mind going along with this stuff if it means me surviving. If they wanna be all big britches and say they orchestrated this that's fine, I'm just gonna let them push my own agenda for me and sit back and survive. My only concern is the future rounds, That's where things are gonna get tricky. I need some people on my side. "				"mytikas"

- so we won immunity, whew i guess. I'm feeling a bit discontent with where I see the direction of the game heading and I feel like I should try to do something about it. I think losing Sammy and/or Louise would be a huge blow to my game overall so... I went out on a limb and decided to try to save them by appealing to Karsten.... we'll see what happens ""mytikas"

- since i’ve swapped, i knew on paper things looked good for me, having 4 og mytikas and all. but when i saw the results i knew this one of the worst possible outcomes for me. i am lucky to have people in this game who know me, and how i play, and want me to be here. i value the chance to play again because i did not have a great experience my first time playing 703, but i do know that even if my experience was poor, how i played was not. unfortunately, there’s people who don’t know me, know how i play, and do not want me to be here. i can’t entirely blame them for that. the best i can do is to give them the opportunity to get to know me but i can’t force them to accept that-- especially in a season where a lot of people know each other somehow. that definitely is a hard pill to swallow for me because like most people, i like being liked and i like feeling like people want me here. there’s people here that i was SO excited to have the chance to play with. to have people outright ignore me, and not feel the same way, definitely sucks. at this point, i feel like it’s pulling teeth to get some people to even acknowledge me. at one point, it made me just want to like… not try anymore.

and then the people who like… weren’t on my radar, people i do not recognize and people i really didn’t consider getting close to, were the ones who actually are giving me the time of day. the people who WANT me to be here and who will fight for me to play alongside them. the truth is, the people that don’t have as tight as relationships, the people who know this literally is probably their last chance to play 703 survivor, those are the people who are willing to do make moves. those are the people who feel like they have something to prove and aren’t going to take the easy way out. and honestly, even though this is still so early in the game, i’ve come to realize that those are the people i want to ally with. it’s really easy for me to go with the flow, honestly, i’ve not an OTT person. but i’m not going to sit here and let myself be left out and i’m not going to feel sorry for myself. i know i deserve to be here, and i don’t feel like i need to prove it, but if i do want to make this a better experience for me, i do have to fight for that.

so, although people aren’t saying a lot to me, they are saying a lot with their actions. one of the toughest things for me is people not talking to me. it’s how i read the game and others and how i can figure out how to proceed day to day. it boggles my mind how we can swap and there’s people who can go 2 days without responding to me, or even acknowledging me. it lead to a lot of questions, like why do they feel so comfortable to do that?? shouldn’t they be trying to build some sort of relationship with me, shouldn’t they try to figure out what’s going on in my head, and with my game?? and it made me realize the reason why they aren’t talking to me is because they don’t need to. if you are in a spot in the game where you know you are safe… what is the point to talk to the person you know will be voted out if things go south. they don’t need to waste the energy if i’m just going to be another vote off.

although this is arguably one of the toughest games i’ve ever played… it’s forced me to play in a way i’ve never played before. i am SO uncomfortable. and it’s because i’m playing so differently from how i ever had because i am being forced to do so.

i’m not a dirty player, i feel like i’m mostly honest and i feel like the things i do make sense. i’m not over the top. i’m normally not confrontational. but i’m not going to sit here and allow myself to be an easy person to vote off. if people aren’t talking to me because they don’t need to, i’m going to make them need to. and if people aren’t talking to me because they know how i play, then i’m not going to play the same. and if people don’t want to talk to me because they just don’t like me… i’ll give you even more of a reason to do so. all is fair in love and ORGs, and i’m not going to make this easy for them. "				"mytikas"

- So we win the challenge. YASS! I knew I had faith in my tribe that we would win it again, we all came together and did so well. If some of the other tribe members tried to focus on the challenge instead of talking random ass shit to us, then maybe they could’ve won. Either way it goes, I’m just a round closer to the merge and likely another swap. If there is another swap, I hope it doesn’t fuck me over because I’ve been good so far, and I’m kinda nervous the rumors will get me voted out when that alliance doesn’t exist. I also got to worry if we have tribal because Liam confirmed people were talking about voting Cammy, and I can’t let it happen. I’ll hopefully just push Nicole with him. "dion"

- How the other tribe found so many items for way better deals than us is beyond me. I really hope we can win the next challenge after this because going to 3 tribals in a row is giving me Kiribati flashbacks and losing streaks aren't cute or fun to deal with. This round is basically me trying to make a move and get out Felipe because he mentioned something about Malik wanting Sammy out and I guess Jerry got a msg from Liam about wanting Sammy out so I think we're all kind of on edge about the whole alliance thing that got brought up yesterday (originally by Ziggy). If the other side does want Sammy out then keeping him could be beneficial since the other side would be more likely to go after him during a swap or merge. ""dion"

- So with us loosing AGAIN we are going back to tribal. The target this time is Feli. That blow up that Sam did actually had an impact on the vote tonight.

Personally, I believe that Feli does have a lot of connections on the other tribe and I think that him going will create a better chance for me and my allies to get through this game. I just wish I had a bigger part in it. I feel like Liz is really taking controll of this game and that's good, but I just don't want to be seen as a coaster or her sheep. That's like the worse thing ever. I came here to play and I feel like I am not playing hard enough and it is really annoying me. I do not want to get dragged to the end. I just gotta start building more relationships, but we are 11 days into the game so I'm afriad it is a little too late, but we have a lot of game left to go, so I feel like I can work something out. "				"mytikas"

- Honestly I'm at the point where I'm fine if we don't swap. I've been in a bad mood the last few days and my head just isn't all here. I haven't been as social, but i'll try to fix that. "mytikas"

- https://youtu.be/OLt3mO54Sok "mytikas"

- Ok so this is over due, but I figure I put my thoughts on the craziness this week before Sammy's funeral. SO Dion comes back to the one world camp after ousting Ziggy for some reason, and before we even get the chance to ask questions, SAMUEL comes out of nowhere and starts yelling at my tribe about how there's some giant pregame afoot! Now for me, I heard from Liam that Sammy may have had this idea in his head, ut I didn't realize how big of a stink would be made of it. But lo and behold he does the carnal sin of Returnee seasons: Making a GIANT fuss about potential premades and making an ass out of yourself! Like, bitch excuse me?? Who are you to tell me what alliance I'm in??? Yes the thought had occurred to me that alot of my Canadienne buddies were with me. but to just assume based on NOTHING that l would so low as to just gather a gaggle of people from one season of an unrelated org for some mega alliance? So yeah,. I threw down, even tho I don't like to cause I am NOT here to fight. But for him to put my name in his mouth like that was infuriating, and to top it all off he viciously attacked Malik! IDK what that dude's problem is, I thought we were friends, and the fact that he went to everyone in this supposed alliance but ME about this beforehand honestly insults me. But thankfully we roasted his ass and then killed the challenge. So if that tribe is smart he's going home. I can't even feel sorry, he did it to himself so. Whateves. I just hope I don't have to do too much damage control, I feel like this is a game making or game breaking moment, so once I'm able to focus more, I should focus on making sure my allies are cool and maybe talk to some people I havent talked to in a while, make sure everyone's sane. Until then, I'll just have to wait and see what this stressful ass game has in store for us next. "mytikas"

- OH Also the fact that he figured it was some giant Krakatoa alliance??? Like wtf??? Literally a quarter of this cast is from Krakatoa. Yet he only picked on Me, Malik Liam and Lexi??? and ASSUMED Trey was a part of it too even tho he just quit for his family (which was tragic btw Im still broken up about it)??? What about your probably bestie Nicole??? Charlie???? ASTON?? Whomst if I WANTED to make a Krakatoa alliance would be the first person I'd team up with so shut the fuck up maybe??? Ugh sorry I've been bottling all this up, it just makes, ZERO sense to me to act an ass like this and thinking it'll work. Every AS season Ive watched will have this moment and it would NOT pan ou for the person making the call out. Like Just....BLARGH. "mytikas"

- y'all whew I just entered the maze for the first time and it was really cute. Cammy gave me info on her two journeys and she told me the truth <3 Bless her, love trustworthiness. She was able to make it to the 5th fork, and using her info I was able to make it to the 7th but the minotaur snatched my wig -__- I'm feeling good energy from the maze highkey and I'm hoping I or an ally can get some power from it soon ""mytikas"

- This is what I have to say about Felipe going out: https://78.media.tumblr.com/ed69f4658485a765b666ee1acd12bed6/tumblr_ooc2ub423S1uv4g8io1_540.gif

Yasss ty Dion tribe! It was good to finally get him out since he really thought he could play hard and lie like I wouldn’t know? What’s with people thinking I’m dumb like I don’t see right through you?? Dude needs to re evaluate his game if he really thought he successfully lied to me or anyone else. Like I liked our convos but after the shit I found out he talked and his constant lying, he needed to go. So that’s good for me because one less risky castaway here. I feel like swap is now or another round, because there’s definitely one. But hopefully we can kill this challenge, and if I do get swapped it’s not gonna fuck me over. "				""mytikas"

- We won the challenge! I'm being carried by my tribe in these challenges, but luckily there is someone who is even less active than me (Emily) so if effort in challenges starts to become put forward as a reason vote someone out, then hopefully Emily will go before me.

To be honest though, I don't think challenge strength really matters in this season. Ben told me that Sammy/Louise do nothing in the challenges, but they're still here. The important things on this season are your social connections and how much of a threat you are.

I didn't help so much in this challenge (apart from finding a few prices at the beginning) because I've been very busy the last day. Tbh though I think this does work to my advantage inadvertently because people will perceive me as less of a threat due to being ""weak"" in challenges.

Same goes for the social side. I feel as though I talk to people quite a lot, so if I am being perceived as someone who is social, a 24 hour break from it will hopefully help with that.

Awaiting the results right now. I am really hoping that Jerry stays safe in particular. "				""dion"

- I haven't talked with konrad that much, but I really do like him! He reminds me of myself in a way. We both talk awkwardly to one another, and I love it. I do not know how he feels about me though. I don't think he really enjoys talking to me but of course I would think that. Nicole is also pretty nice! She is very random and I like that about her! It makes her a lot easier to talk too.

If we loose this challenge then I feel like the next target would be Louise. Louise doesn't talk to anyone really. Hell, even Liz doesn't talk to her as far as I know. So I'm sure she would be easy to eliminate. I just hope Liz or Karsten don't target Jerry if they do we are going to have some problems, but I do not think they would do that. Jerry has been voting with us these past 2 votes so It'd be stupid to get rid of him. "				"mytikas"

- bc of like never losing.. im not quite sure who i can trust yet. but if it comes down to it i feel like ryan is my best ally on this tribe with cammy coming in second. Ryan bc we've been together since day 1 we're not involved in the drama (unfortunte @ lexi although i really dont think shes in that alliance) we were the most active on our tribe and we talk to each other a lot about like literally anything. then cammy i feel like i've defs talked to her the most out of everyone we bonded over meteor garden ofc (a show she suggested to me that im like so addicted to rn we're obsessiving over the cute guys) and i like alreayd had a good impression of her!!