She Was A Petty Ass Bitch/Confessionals

Day 25
"grande terre"

- *To the tune of Carly Rae Jepsen*

I really really really really really want to make FTC :)

"grande terre"

- I hope these people don't catch on to my act. I'm acting so stupid and weak so they aren't as threatened by me. Fucking Julia put me as her winner pick on her elaborate doc and shared it to at least Jenna and god knows who else. I knew Jenna prob wasn't gonna take me to the end but this seals the deal ugh. She's the one that can really crash my game.

"grande terre"

- Aren's idol play was interesting. I felt like a Wentworth style thing was coming. RIP Julia. A lot of people got annoyed by her but I thought she was cute and she's super good artistically so bless. Werk mawma. She left the chat dragging Aren and Cali. Aren was upset in pms and I think I did an excellent job consoling him to where he would maybe come to me instead of after me for votes. Last time I was here I made some swinging moves and couldn't decide if I wanted to be a hero or villain, but I think you can be both for sure. Some of the best players are both.

"grande terre"

- Not to name names but some people are so.. they think they're slick. I'm not naive at all. People are spilling tea to me left and right and I'm soaking it up like a dry ass sponge. The potato peeler found a sack and socially I'm peeling through each one of these filthy potatoes and filing away everything they tell me, to use at my convenience. It bothers me that people think they can make alliances without me as a main part. No honey. I know what you did last summer. I will disassemble anything not involving me. Not entitled, just hurt. I think rn having a good social game is key because people will be more receptive and willing to work with me when I need them. In saying that with some people it's hard to get past that social layer and talk proper game, and for some people it's the reverse. I'll keep working on that.

"grande terre"

- I've heard rumors that some people want to blindside Joan because he's arrogant and thinks he's the kingpin, which is real interesting. I'm just gonna hang around and lay low as much as possible until I hear an update from my 'source'. (HINT: the 'source' is one of the qweens who voted with me last tribal <3)

I'm really frustrated with the turn that this game has taken, but I can't give up hope. I'm gonna keep playing my heart out, and I'm not gone until my torch is snuffed.

I do think Julia is owed an apology, though, because in hindsight the way I acted towards her during the F13 wasn't really right, like, at all. I can understand why she'd view me as a fake asshole after that. I just kinda did ANYTHING to keep myself safe without considering her feelings into it at all... And I can't really expect her to be happy with me after that lmao

So, when my ass does inevitably end up in the Ponderosa (unless I'm fortunate enough to be adopted as a goat) I'm gonna have a conversation with Julia. Yeah, it'll probably end up with her cursing at me whilst I apologize but, hey, I brought it upon myself.

There's playing Survivor hard - but then there's also playing Survivor ruthlessly. I've kinda been doing the latter, but how can I play the game like that if I hate the reaction that I receive from other people for blindsiding them? Basically, I either play this game ruthlessly and have everyone hate me for it; or I mellow down my game and leave with friend a'many. I'm really picking between two things that I adore here, because I love to both play ruthlessly and also have loads of friends. lmfao

I take ORGs a LOT less seriously than other people do. If someone backstabs me, I really can just kinda shake hands with them then part ways. That's why I'm sometimes taken back by HOW emotionally people respond to my conniving gameplay, because this is literally an online Survivor game with no reward for winning. You get an ego boost and it might improve your mood a little, sure, but I don't see any pot-of-gold at the end of this rainbow. However, what I have to remember is that these are humans that I'm playing this particular game with, and that's just how humans generally respond to any form of disappointment or humiliation - with emotions. When I backstab people, it's going to hurt them. They'll feel disappointed, betrayed, and humiliated for trusting me. So, in response? They're gonna behave emotionally - and probably be very angry.

Some people don't respond like that - me included, but I have to think of the people that DO get heavily affected emotionally when they play this game because idk I don't want to really hurt people or lose any friends of mine because I do actually like Julia she's cool and all but I kinda doubt that things between us will be repairable now

I've honestly made the decision that ORGs aren't healthy for my well-being. I hurt other people, they get pissed at me, then that upsets me. And that, coupled with the fact that I want to study super hard for college and actually be able to sleep straight, means that I might be retiring after this... I dunno, honestly, I have a lot to think about lmao

Day 26
"grande terre"

- IM SO FUCKING GRATEFUL OMGGG SO MANY PEOPLE ARE COMING TO ME AND TALKING TO ME ABOUT BLINDSIDING JOAN AND HOLY FUCK IM LIVING FOR IT THIS IS BEAUTIFUL IM SO HAPPY IM SO GRATEFUL AND CALI LEGIT ORCHESTRATED THIS SO PROPS TO HER I LOVE CALI I LOVE NATHAN I LOVE MIGUEL I LOVE FUCKING EVERYONE FOR HELPING ME OUT. JUST WHEN I THOUGHT EVERYONE HATED ME... OMGGGG

"grande terre"

- Honestly, I'm so back in the game right now and it feels amazing. I played like absolute shit at the F13, but new life has been breathed into my body - I have been given a good ole' second wind!

I'm not gonna. Ever. Give up on my game again. This proves that I can overcome any adversity and hey even if my chances of winning are still incredibly slight I refuse to give up on that goal because I'm ready to play some Survivor and most importantly have fun doing it

"grande terre"

- I'm literally worshipping that ground that Cali walks on rn because I'm so fucking grateful that she worked this up for me and I need to show her that I'm loyal to her (until she becomes too big a threat oop)

I've heard that we're roping Jenna, Zakriah & Trent in too and I honestly need to repair my relationship with the latter two and I wanna get them to trust me again so that I can have a good working relationship with them. This is fucking golden

"grande terre"

- So my plan ended up working, with Aren using the idol I could have split the vote with Julia to make it a tie with miguel, but I just did Julia.

But that bench Julia, now I'm not blaming her for being a petty ass bitch and exposing me as she was walking out the door...BUT SHE WAS A PETTY ASS BITCH WHO EXPOSED ME AS SHE WALKED OUT THE DOOR.

But to make matters worse Charlie decides to tell Joan that he wants some sort of "parchment reveal party"....WHAT THE FUCK EVEN IS THIS GAME. REVEALING OUR PARCHMENTS IS LIKE AN UNWRITTEN RULE OF WHAT NOT TO DO. So ya I don't trust Charlie at all now.

So Joan starts to tell me how I could now be seen as a target since Julia put my name out there when she left, and he's so right. So I spent a day utilizing my time with Miguel and Nathan, and seeing if I could use them for a blindside against Joan.
 * insert boring bullshit*

AND NOW we're at tribal. And honestly this may actually end up working, Jenna may fuck it up with telling Zak and Trent, but if they tell joan anything Joan will think that its JENNA who started the plan and not me. I know I'm being such a snake right now with the whole Julia thing and now this, and I could literally get exposed at any second. But if this ends up working, I feel like that will open up more paths in this game.

"grande terre"

- Oh my gosssh. Usually auctions go horribly for me but I lucked out big time! I won immunity for this vote, but on top of that I scored myself AN IDOL and a clue to the merged tribe idol WHEW! It doesn't get better than this. It's certainly my game to lose. With all of that being said, I don't trust anyone so maybe I am set up to lose. I don't even have to do anything and I still feel like people are talking to me as sort of like a side chick that they'll cut eventually. I'm the undead side chick? Fml.

"grande terre"

- So I am immune and generally that gives you some leverage to go after someone of your choosing. I have 3 possible targets. The first is Joan, now he's being more messy than my toilet gets after losing half of my body weight in McDonald's shit. He's been too extra, and it's very annoying bc if he could've been a chill ally he wouldn't have gotten the whole tribe turned against him. I'm sad for him bc he's a really lovely guy but I've saved people with idols before and it didn't work out, and I don't think he's worth it sadly! He apparently was told by an outside source to watch out for myself and Jenna bc we're best friends or w/e. Idk if what I've heard true or not but if it is I just wanted to say a big fuck you to that mystery person if you interfered in a game that has nothing to do with you! Now I did tell Joan about miss Cali throwing him under the bus hard, which came as a shock to him. I heard it through the grape vine and such. He has some elaborate plan to save himself but also make it look like I didn't tell him. Idk if he's gonna be able to pull it off. I hope that I don't come under fire for this. Cali, oh girl. She has everyone wrapped around her finger and I don't know how to take her out. I'm just planting seeds of doubt where I can and hopefully her game is blown up soon. And then there's Aren. I feel good with him now sorta but he still isn't someone I trust with my life or anything. I do feel like it could be beneficial for him to go but people are suddenly so anti-Joan. It's going to be hard to pull off something else at this point. Looking at the big picture Aren could slide his way into a good position and then immunity beast it. That scares me.

"grande terre"

- Tfw my original tribe of Couvreux is dying really fast all in a row. At this rate it's gonna be just myself and Zak. Does that mean I'm next? Are we fucked? That tribe was such a pretty colour (Ed. note (Zakriah): Liking blue over yellow so sad) but everyone that ends up on it gets rekt! On another note, I told only Jenna about the idol clue I got to build more trust with her. And if anyone has it, I'd like it to be me or her. My gut is telling me she's gonna maybe fuck me over eventually and be the undoing of me but we shall see. It's killing me inside that I still sort of have to downplay and be seen as kinda weak because it's too early to be flashy and I can't be targeted. Also I sort of see this Joan vote as putting down a dog that went insane and started biting everyone. I've been feeding and taking care of him for so long that it makes me sad but everyone already decided to put him down (on parchment) so idk what else to do. The moves that I'm making are purely to piss off as few people as I can, which is the opposite of how I was my first season.

"grande terre"

- I'm literally having an orgasm because of this fight because the target has shifted off of me so beautifully and HOLY FUCK I'm SO GLAD OMGGGGGGG <3333

"grande terre"

- Honestly right now I'm feeling like the biggest fucking goat because I really feel like I've just been messy and tonight I'm gonna have to make a decision and the matter of fact is that someone's gonna go on the Jury and that person's gonna be pissed at me so yay that's fun

After this vote I really need to start taking my game into my own hands. I want everyone to think that I'm loyal to them and that I'm a goat, so I can then hopefully cause a power-shift.

One thing that I do know is that Cali's running this whole damn thing, and she might not be as loyal to me as I thought. If I need to make a move on Cali, I will.

"grande terre"

- Just when I thought, maybe I’m getting myself into a more stable position in this game and staking out a potential path to the endgame, this game goes and turns on its head once again.Cali wanted to turn on Joan and basically rallied the troops against him but someone had seriously loose lips, spilled the plan, and now Joan basically exposed himself in the main chat. In doing so however, I feel like he heavily damaged Cali’s game and also my game kind of. So now I’m torn. Joan is proposing a new alliance. One with myself, Cali, him, Andy, Aren and Charlie. While that is tempting, I’m not exactly sure how it’ll benefit me. If I go against the grain and save Joan, now I’ve got 5 people entire pissed off, one of whom would be on the jury and the other 4 who could potentially feel specifically pissed at me. For the first time in this game I just feel really lost and I feel like no matter what I do, the next few rounds are going to be hell for me to navigate. Also, at the start of this game, Trent and Zak were easily near the top of the list of people I wanted to work with, but since the merge came, both of them have been so distant to me, and it feels like they’re treating conversations with me like a chore. So yeah basically, I feel like this game has started to get seriously stressful and I’ve gone from easy mode straight into demonically hard.

"grande terre"

- Things seemed to have calmed down somewhat and as the dust clears, from my perspective, it's looking like Joan is going home. He did put up a valiant last effort to try to stay but the line was drawn already it's looking like and people are just ready to be done with this round and done with the mess. I'm just hoping, I'm really hoping right now that I'm making the right decision and that I'm not screwing up my game right now. If I'm right, this is potentially the move that gets me to the end and the win. If I'm wrong, I'm probably going to see Joan REALLY soon.

"grande terre"

- LMAOOO my management of my game is so fucking poor and I know it which is the funny fucking thing

I really really R E A L L Y need to pull things back once Joan is gone. I need, like, a true alliance and I need to point out to people that I'm not a Jury threat unlike somebody like Nathan or Cali lmao. I just feel like I have nobody here who trusts me and damn it fucking sucks but eh it is what it is, I'm just gonna have to work with what I got and do my best

"grande terre"

- So now Joan is trying to call me out in the main chat. I'm gonna do my best not to rise to his bait though because that would just be beating a dead horse. I just hope that I'm not about to get fucked over hard tonight by any advantages, but...knowing my history with ORGS and idols/weird eliminations, I kinda wouldn't be shocked in the slightest.

"grande terre"

- So I woke up to the info that Joan is a snake.

The span of this episode is such a wild ride - at the beginning, Joan is gunning for me, then I form an alliance with him and Charlie, and then Jenna and Cali tell me he has been snaking me the entire time, and then I figure out a bunch of different lies that he can be found in and keep in mind that the entire merge I had already been planting seeds about a Joan blindside BUT none of that is being exposed here at all! So all I'm doing is making Joan feel bad for being a snake to me, all the while I have been planning his demise for d a y s. But no one needs to know that.

As of right now the only people I trust are Jenna, Trent, Cali, and Charlie. Everyone else is a wildcard, and, I mean, George has survived 14 eliminations without casting a single vote so I think he should hands down win this game and I want to make sure he does at this point. Jk, but like I'd vote for him at ftc tbh.

"grande terre"

- ok!!!

i had a pretty utr episode this time. i had a pretty busy schedule so i didn't get to talk much to people which SUCKS because right now my strategic game is kind of lacking so I need to rely on my sociability.... which is also lacking a little bit. so it's time for me to kick it up a notch and really build those relationships. joan pretty much went insane this round which is perfect because he was my ideal boot. apparently he was trying to put eyes on me jenna zak and charlie so him leaving definitely benefits me. i literally only talked to like three people about this vote lol im a FLOP. anyways then all of a sudden joan brings up his hatred for cali out of nowhere and literally our entire day today was him calling cali out in a really weird way. i'm still not entirely sure today actually happened it all happened so quick and the circumstances were just bizarre.

going forward my game plan is to build more bridges than just my "core group." i can tell i'm being lumped in with jenna zak and charlie, and since we have an alliance, that's probably not too discrete anymore, which means it's time to find a new clique. i'm not too bothered by that idea because i sense i'd probably be on the bottom of that group anyways, but i do still want to keep my ties with them. I for sure want to get something going with andy, who up until now has probably been one of my stronger allies going through this game. the issue is everyone left are honestly such gamers that really any group leaves me scared of my chances to win, other than like, adrian lol, but i don't trust adrian at all. he definitely leaked to aren his ouster, which means that a) i made a blunder, and b) i can't risk making any more blunders with adrian. what's good is it seems adrian, cali, and aren are kind of on the bottom right now, so maybe that's some leverage against them that i have. whomst knows.

also i really don't know how to feel about nathan. we started this game out close but i can tell we've really drifted apart and that leaves me uneasy. that's a bridge i want to rebuild but i also don't really want to get to the end with nathan, so aaaaah. i feel the same with miguel, but talking to him in this game is like being forced to eat and chew someone else's teeth. he just seems like a total airhead and it's hard for me to have in depth conversation with him anymore. i can absolutely see why he continues to lose in final tribals with this kind of social ability.