Board Thread:Survivor 40: Annihilation/@comment-25097517-20190801161730

Dear Linus,

Every time I sit down to write this, I feel like I can’t find the words to say. At this point I don’t know what I feel. This whole merge we spent countless hours on call, even more messaging each other. We’d call for 2-3 hours almost every single day towards the end of this. I hate being this person now because of what being on the other side of this did to me in Isla del Sol, but I think I’m justified to be able to publicly speak here. Feel free to say whatever you want.

You hurt me. You hurt me bad. And given the circumstances I think I have every right to hurt personally here.

I don’t think lying about being almost positive you wanted to take me to the end and talking about how we were going to make final 2 together no matter what the challenge outcome was even remotely necessary. I don’t care that you thought I was going to win the challenge anyway, I meant every word I said about taking you to the end and that I would want to see you succeed even if I got second. You gave me false hope for days, and for that I don’t respect you at all. I don’t know how hard of a decision this actually was for you, or if everything you said there was just lies to save my feelings too. Ponderosa has really made me feel like you used me here. It took you close to 8 hours of going back and forth to ultimately go against everything you told me. For that reason, not for the move itself, I don’t respect you.

I hate going back to the phrase “don’t bite the hand that feeds you,” but I genuinely feel like I was one of the few people who had your back no matter what you did or people said. And no matter what people say about you STILL, my heart wants to defend you. No matter how many times you told me you should just vote me out, you told me you couldn’t. So I guess I’m naïve for thinking that this time would be the same, but can you blame me? We both know this was more than just a game for us. I hate that this meant so much to me, but I think we both knew overall that we would get hurt because feelings were involved in a game where playing with feelings is never a good thing.

The jury will be giving you their own negative opinions of you, and because of that I feel like I need to defend you and protect you the best I can, even if I shouldn’t. I can’t turn my back on you even if I want to because I care about you and our friendship immensely. After entering ponderosa I found out you told other people similar things to me and I went from feeling like I was special and that I was your number one person, to feeling like I might’ve not been much or that everything we talked about didn’t really mean much to you at all and that fucking sucks. You offered your idols to Zach before you did to me, then try to tell me that Zach’s going to be mad that he wasn’t your number one ally. What’s that about?

You are an emotional person Linus, you have such a good heart. That’s what is so amazing about you! Many people wouldn’t have my back the way that you did, and the jury seeing you saving me as stupid to me is honestly the opposite. You knew I couldn’t hurt you even if I would’ve lost against you, and by promising your safety at 4, you ensured yourself a safety net if you did lose immunity. I think that’s a good strategic move on your part to protect yourself, even if it was benefitting me. (Also what’s so bad about benefitting me I had nobody!) You were my rock in this game and without you I would’ve honestly had less motivation to play. The jury‘s overall perception is that your social game was very bad, but I thought it was spot on with me. You weren’t the best ally at times, you made my life hell with the merge idol, but overall I can confidently say I’ve never had an ally as close to me as you. I don’t know if you can genuinely say the same anymore and that hurts me if you’d lie on our friendship too and if the progress we made was for naught. I need answers on what you think of what I’ve said and explanations on what you really thought of me this game. Did I mean a damn thing to you or was I just the last person you threw away?

In your own words (paraphrased) “I’m trying to find any reason remotely game related to [give you my vote] but I just can’t”. Rob outplayed you a million times over here based on execution and being this close to both of you, I think I see yall’s games clear. I hope you can just understand how you fucked with my feelings in a way that wasn’t necessary to succeed and now I’m questioning everything and feel so defeated. I’m not going to go full Ivan on you here because I care about you, but I think this experience should teach you that if you’re gonna follow your heart, follow it all the way. Try not to hurt the people you care about, and maybe I need to learn to keep my own feelings out of games because I don’t want to hurt like this ever again over a game that was more than a game. I’m sorry.

Rob, I said this on my way out but I couldn’t be more proud of you. I honestly can’t think of anything that I want to nit pick you on, I have no problem with the way you played. You were an awesome partner in crime and I enjoyed constantly talking to you. Actually my only complaint is that you never bought me a pizza or a large drink. And you never gave me the ROP you said you would. I think I deserve the pizza especially if you win Robert. ;)

My question to both of you is the same.

-Since both of you were known for playing the middle to an extent and not clarifying your alliances, name your top three allies in the order of importance and state HOW your relationship to them helped you make moves and furthered your game. Details are welcome I will read everything no matter how lengthy.

Be honest, be humble, and stay strong. Y’all are my boys and may the best nucleus member win.

Much love, Grace

(also I didn’t proofread this I’m sorry I’m emotional) 