Board Thread:Big Brother 7: All-Stars/@comment-24603302-20180828024654/@comment-24114312-20180828032749

1. Yeah it was a mistake to continually promise you stuff I couldn't follow through on and I'm sorry about that. Honestly most of it was just damage control for me attempting to get you out and then you surviving.

2. I really don't remember talking mad shit about you in the house chat during the double, I just reread it and I don't think I did. When I was saying 'LMAOOOOO' or 'feel embarrassed i got 3rd', it wasn't intended at you and was instead intended at every single person and player. I meme a lot and it was an attempt to meme but clearly it didn't work, nothing was aimed specifially at you. Still I do apologise, but please know I never meant to mock or berate you during the triple.

3. I had no clue your dog had died and as soon as you told me, my entire attitude changed and I apologised and stopped going off on the hosts. I don't even remember drunk messaging you saying 'omg keep me safe', if I did then I sincerely apologise. In fact I do remember messaging you very sincerely when you won HoH apologising and saying that if you wanted to nom me then that was fine and I understood.

4. When we made up, I did intend to stick by it, but I suppose I was always going to be looking for an excuse to target you. And when Alex said you only didn't want to target me because of the DPOV, I instinctively believed it because to me it did make no sense as to why you'd forgive me when I did act so shitty to you. If the situations were reversed then I'd have nommed me immediately. Although I really really didn't mean to be a 'piece of shit' and 'kick you when you were down', I really didn't and I realise that intent is not impact but looking back at the messages, I really don't even think I was a 'piece of shit'. I'm sorry that I made you feel that way and I understand why you did with the wider context, which is why I then stopped after you said that, but I've reread the messages and I don't think I was a 'piece of shit' in that convo. I made snarky comments but there were no worse than anyone else during the season.

5. Yeah this was a VERY big drunken mistake which I feel embarrassed about and wish I could reverse. I get I can't and that doesn't excuse it. I don't hate you as a person at all, in fact it's quite the opposite and I've been absolutely dreading this because I did realise how I repeatedly fucked you over in the game. Just to give some thought into my mind at this point, when I was making this deal with you, I genuinely thought I was only making it IF you won HoH. Like maybe I wasn't explicit in the chat which would make sense considering I really had no clue wtf was happening but in my mind, I was speaking to you in the context of if you won HoH, then I would follow through on this. I haven't reread these messages because I am truly embarrassed and don't want to though, so I probably was just a mess and not clear. I also had no clue you were sending messages, I don't even remember seeing you send me a message.

As for the screenshot, I don't think that was classless because the screenshot was barely related to the game. Just for context because that's been presented in a way to make me look bad to everyone else, the hosts told me the DPOV was able to be used until final 7. I then got told, minutes before using the DPOV on Brian, that it expired at final 8, but I'd been telling everyone that the DPOV expired at final 7 (a hosting mistake), so I straight up sent a screenshot of the hosting mistake. It had no impact on anyone's game, I view it to be the equivalent of sending a screenshot of like, idk a post the hosts made on the wiki. And as for the other thing, I believe I sent one message while basically paralytic which was 'IM SRYRYRYRYRYRYRY' when I got home, I wasn't trying to get jury info or anything, I barely even understood what was happening. I followed the rules throughout the season except for these two which I honestly believe were blown completely out of proportion for what they actually were, which was 3 lines of text from Sora and a drunk message.

Having said that, there is definitely growth I can make as a person and I guess it is growth that from Archetypes, where 3 people made jury speeches calling me a terrible person, I now only have 2, those two being my closest allies for large portions of the game lol. You can trust that I will use this experience to grow and reconsider the way I handle situations, some of the stuff you mentioned in your speech I do disagree with and I feel like some of it considers your context heavily yet completely ignores mine. But obviously this speech hurts me and I dreaded it/could barely read it the first time I looked at it because I acknowledge there's truth behind it. I am sorry and I hope we can talk after the season because I do feel very shitty right now and I do want to clear the air because I never had any clue you felt like this for a large portion of the game, I really only thought you felt like this after you were evicted. Sorry about everything and if I do win, which I'm really not sure I will, in fact I could easily see it being 7-2 against me based on speeches, it won't be worth it and if I had the chance I'd rather be evicted and not have done the whole triple thing, than be in my current situation.