Board Thread:Survivor 22: San Marcos/@comment-27845097-20170208011630

Hey guys, I feel like I’ve spent a lot of this game being apologetic about my moves, but I stand by them because they’ve gotten me this far. I don’t mean to sound arrogant / harsh, but I think people have been quick to give me the blame, but not any of the credit. For a majority of this merge, I found myself in a position of power, and when you’re the one making decisions, people can get upset at you, but I was trying to ensure that whatever happens I’d be in the same power position the following tribal council. My game may seem passive, but I went with the flow until I had the power to create my own flow. I was constantly in a swing vote position, and always used the information I was being provided to set up a better future for myself in the long-run.

I’ll just go over my game, and hopefully provide some insight into the decisions I made, and the thought process I had while making them.

Catarina was a pretty harmonious tribe, and although I was oblivious to a lot of preexisting friendships, I found myself building solid relationships/alliances that it didn’t matter. I got on well with all of Austin, Rhi, Nathaniel and Nick from the get-go, and this was the unofficial alliance that stuck. Brian/Hannah sorta isolated themselves by throwing out Rhi’s name, and they got the intention that I would help them, and when they found out that I wouldn’t the tables sort of turned on me, but I had trust in my alliance, who proved trustworthy in both of Catarina’s tribal councils.

Tribe Swap time!! I was extremely nervous as I’ve been swap-fucked in both ORGs I have ever played prior, and I was preparing myself for that possibility again, so I was very pleasantly surprised to get through it. My time NuTacana was short-lived, and strange, because I was forced to assimilate into whatever tribal dynamic was formed without me, and although I enjoyed connecting with Brandon, this limited my ability to bond with Malik/Claudia as we were pitted against each other.

Merge time!! This seems to be a season of firsts for me, as this was also my first merge! I had no idea how this season would turn out, it seemed as if Tacana and Catarina were sort of against each other at this point, and despite being the most numerous tribe, Quetzal was a swing vote. Malik’s name was brought up, and although it may have felt personal, it was mostly because it was obvious he was mad at all of us that voted him out earlier. However, it became obvious that Quetzal had chose Tacana, but Austin had revealed his idol, and the game took a turn.

The following tribal council the agenda changed, and I remember talking to Chris/Claudia about how threatening Quetzal’s numbers had become, and how one of them had to go next. As tribal rolled around, Shea’s name was brought up, most likely because he was responsible for leaking Austin’s name. This seemed ideal at first, with the anyone-but-me(or-my-alliance) mentality, but I always like to look ahead in this game, and it became clear that Claudia/Chris would hold all the power the following round. There would be two sides of 4 Quetzals/Catarina, and when Nathaniel revealed his idol, it seemed more advantageous to save Shea who would flip due to being indebted to us for saving him. At this point, we deliberated about which Quetzal should go, and it seemed as if anyone but Elmo was fine. As the conversation continued, it seemed as if everyone had grown close to Elmo in some way, because he was just an all around amazing person. This was when we realized he was a threat. Even though he had expressed interests in working with all of us individually, we moved past short-term concerns and saw him as an end-game threat. On top of that, he most likely found the original Quetzal idol, which was still to come out, and the best way to get rid of that potential idol that Elmo probably had was a blindside. It was hard but it had to be done.

The next two rounds were a bit of a clusterfuck. This was around the time that Nathaniel was first considered the beast, and it was also the first time he was vulnerable. Chris/Claudia had come up with a plan to split between Brandon/Renz. At this point I didn’t trust either of them, so I took it with a grain of salt, but I figured the worst case scenario was Nathaniel leaving. Yes, I had a gut feeling about it, because Austin was insisting on trusting them, but Austin and I had already discussed what a threat Nathaniel became by that point, so I figured he might’ve been in on it as well. As it turns out, I was right, but Nathaniel had played his idol, so I suppose it didn’t matter. The following round was even more insane, because these past few votes were dominated by idols, and having been screwed over by my idol clue from the auction, I knew I had to find it. Unfortunately Claudia beat me to it, and she told Austin, which got back to the Catarina + Shea alliance. At first, it was best to dispose of this idol while we could, and just take out Claudia, but when Austin found out she was actually playing it, a few of us had already voted, and by splitting our votes we threw away our majority. It was extremely frustrating, but Shea felt so bad he was threatening to quit, and somehow he went to the tribal chat begging people to vote him out instead, which somehow led to them voting for me? I honestly cannot get a grasp on what actually happened during that tribal, but I had survived, and although we were beginning to connect, we were still against each other, so I was happy when Renz had left.

The next vote was really the only time I was actually out of the loop. At this point I had considered Austin a bigger threat than Nathaniel, and me and Nick had been plotting this Catarina-blindside for a while, so with a safe majority it would’ve been easier to achieve, however it seemed as if other people had that idea before me, which kinda derailed that whole idea. I figured Austin was a threat due to his relationship with Claudia, but I trusted him more than Nathaniel at that point, but I was also afraid that Claudia wouldn’t want to vote him out later, so it was all about timing. However, Chris/Claudia had probably grown tired of these potential voting out Nathaniel plans, and used him to take out Austin. Touche. Losing Austin wasn’t the end of the world, and I was more sad on a personal level as we had become friends, but now me and Nick were in a minority, however this set up a power position for what would be my most powerful time in the game.

At this point Chris/Claudia were finally ready to take out Nathaniel, and Nathaniel/Shea wanted to vote out Jenna. I believed both sides, so here was my logic. As much as I had grown close to Jenna as a potential ally, I knew she was close to Chris/Claudia. Although they weren't as much of a trio, I will say that it was more to weaken Tacana. I knew Nathaniel/Shea could easily realign with Chris/Claudia, but it wouldn't have been for very long, and if I had voted out Nathaniel Shea wouldn't have forgiven me, and I doubt Chris/Claudia would want to work with me and Nick together, and would've easily chose Nick over me. On the other hand, Nathaniel/Shea, as mad as I was, decided that it would be smart to knock the other side down a number, and keep Nathaniel as a meat shield, because I knew that it was becoming clear who was considered a jury threat, and who was not, and in which order. (This was edited a bit but I urge you to go read my answer in Jenna's speech for more clarification).

The finale has been quite the wild ride, and props to Claudia’s secret advantage, it started off wilder than I anticipated. At this point, taking out Nathaniel had become somewhat of a main priority, but splitting was more appealing because Chris had Ellis, and although I was sure it wouldn’t do anything, better safe than sorry. When all was said and done, I figured that Chris and Claudia would finally want to take out Nathaniel, but it started to feel like whenever I offered it, it wasn’t convenient for them. Our timings never aligned, and Shea was practically begging to be voted out, so I reluctantly voted him out, and figured out that Nathaniel was being kept as some sort of meat shield. I will openly admit that I wanted to take Shea to the end as I figured he was easier to beat, but I assumed that with him gone people felt the same way about me, which was disheartening but I was ready to own that and control how the rest of the game turned out.

At this point of the game, one thing I constantly heard was “person A or person B would beat you in a landslide”. As annoying as this was, I used this to my advantage. I knew how I was perceived in this final 5, and how Nick and I were treated as goats, so I knew that it was my choice who was going to FTC and who was not. Nathaniel had won immunity, just like I warned Chris/Claudia the round earlier, and although Nat threatened to vote me out if I didn’t vote for Chris, who he considered a competition threat, Claudia was voted out for being a social threat. She was going to beat us all, and Nick and I knew we would be deciding between Chris/Nathaniel on who to take to Final Tribal Council, and it was an easier decision to make, with Empress Claudia out of the picture.

Now I know people assume that Nathaniel must have been some big strategic threat for convincing me (and Nick) to take him to Final Tribal Council, just like saving Chris over Claudia was somehow him convincing me (and Nick) was also a great feat of strategy, but I want to make it clear. Every decision I’ve made in this game has been my own. I haven’t been convinced by anyone, and I honest to god did what I saw was in my best interest moving forward. Hell I barely even talked to Nathaniel on Day 38.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, my game wasn’t full of flashy idol plays or flash-game high scores but I used that to my advantage, because I was never a prime target. I wasn’t threatening in the ways Austin and Nathaniel were, so they made great meat shields, and it put me in a constant swing-vote position. I’m just looking to be recognized for my own decisions, because whenever I saved someone it was me looking out for myself. Even though I've been closely aligned with Nick the whole way through, I believe that I've played an individual game that just happened to benefit the both of us. On top of all of that, I was constantly aware of what was happening in the game, even when I was being lied to. This hyperawareness allowed me to constantly plan what happened in the game, whether an idol helped or hurt my own goals in the game, I worked around idols in general, and tried to play a game based on information / trust.

Finally, just to pay tribute to the almighty Jaclyn, or even the supreme Kristie, I made moves when I needed to, and didn't make uncessary moves that would've just made me a threat down the line. I had a few close calls without idols or white pearls in a dodgy season, but I played with the cards I was dealt, and it worked out so I hope you guys can respect the decisions I've made, although selfish at times, it's an individual game so I guess that's all we can do haha.

And with that, I want to commend all of the hosts and players who have contributed to what I think will be remembered as an amazing season. It’s been quite the long 2 month journey, and aside from all the hair loss, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. It’s been fun, and I think everyone should be proud of how they played, and I want to wish Nick and Nathaniel good luck :)  