I'm Gonna Fucking Fade Away/Confessionals

Day 19
"ferrar"

- Alright so when we attended tribal, a lot of tension started to form. Obviously the Krills were in the minority and so we had a lot of scrambling to do. Shiloh seemed to have all the power, and she agreed to flipping with us and booting one of them. So everything seemed simple but it was too good to be true. Well first, we agreed to take out Uli first for being an obnoxious cancer to our tribe but it occurred to me that auction items were still around. So after doing the math, Josh was almost guaranteed to have either the double vote or vote canceler. Possibly both. So that was the plan but Mihai was doubting Shiloh's loyalty. He made a few solid points and the fact that Shiloh brought up I'm the target was concerning. Scrambling was my best option but the Ferrar's would all tell me different things. Josh agreed we could still work with John but that was hard to believe. JR told Mihai John was the one to blindside next, but only JR spoke to Mihai about this plan so that was also very strange. Especially when Ivan notified me that he warned Josh about Johnloh and should consider splitting them up. Got no word from the Ferrar's on that. Uli basically told me I'm next and he's "going with the majority" but that asshole was the one who tried to throw the challenge and pitched my name to Ferrar, according to Shiloh. I couldn't tell what they were really doing. I trusted Shiloh but she seemed like she'll bend wherever the wind blows, as long as its in in her favor. And I got real nervous....

"ferrar"

- In quite an unexpected turn of events, John was blindsided! Everything started to make a whole lot of sense as Mihai explained his reasoning for flipping. I didn't appreciate him lying to me, but his move actually opened up a whole lot of options. Since they were targeting me, Mihai proposed to flip as long as they voted for John, which was really cool of him. This also explained why Shiloh felt lied to since she seemed devastated with the results. So I asked her if she was willing to join my other alliance and she was in. This means Mihai and Ivan can play double-agents so we can still take out Josh and know ahead of time what they're plotting. John needed to go anyway so this works either way. But seriously... that was incredibly nerve-wracking. Hopefully the tribes merge.

"ferrar"

- "I can't believe John got voted out. It honestly kinda hurts... I really, really didn't expect it. Oh, well. I'll try get far..."

"ferrar"

- This is a "recreation" of a v old confessional I made for another game but this is me after John tried to vote me out:

This video is no longer available

"aurora"

- Yep. I survived that tribal with no blood on my hands. I didn't even get a single vote! Even better, John is out! I made a move and it feels amazing. Unfortunately, that tribal also reveals that Shiloh flipped. It wasn't a surprise but it still stings you know? Anyway, the day after tribal, we MERGED!!!!!! The merge is a little bittersweet for me since obviously, I'm in the wrong side of the numbers but it's also great because now the game gets even more fun!

Sucks to be me though. I've wasted a bunch of precious hours not online just because my little wimpy ass finally had the courage to ask someone out. But whatever, life goes on and here I am trying to make small talk with Chrissa and later Marc. (Yes, I know was planning on talking to Chrissa before but I didn't have a chance)

She's not talking though.

"aurora"

- im gonna fuckin fade away. when no one voted for my Mother Hen tribe name gtgtgtgtgtgtgtgtgtg

"aurora"

- So I managed to actually talk to Chrissa. First impression: Please, can you be more obvious that you don't want to talk to me? I mean, seriously, you can have one word sentences instead of two! Right now, I think she's more of a follower instead of an actual player. If that's the case, I don't think I can flip her since she'll loyal to whoever is pulling her strings. Next on the list: Marc!

"aurora"

- When everyone finally sees that I'm not a #ChallengeThreat as I slip back into mediocrity. First of all, I hate this challenge so much, and secondly Mihai said that a high score is around 50m and I'm like lmao bye.

I'm really slacking on my social game right now. Once we merged I only talk to Mihai, Ivan, Uli and JR. I should've probably talk to other people, more esp to Jamie if we want her to vote with us. I'm so surprised that Andrew and Shiloh STILL hasn't talked to me. Well, looks like they aren't doing damage control huh?

Ivan started talking to me two days ago and he spilled so much t on me. Ciere John Shiloh and FREAKING TOBY APPARENTLY HAD A CROSS TRIBAL ALLIANCE. TOBY I FEEL SO FUCKIN #BETRAYEDT.

I'm honestly so scared about Uli right now. Not gonna lie, as I said before I don't like the way he talks to me. It feels so assertive but at least he's predictable. I'm letting him push me around just so I have a clear idea of what he's doing but it's honestly so exhausting. He's a loose cannon I just feel it. I have no problem voting him off but now he's a number on my side so I just have to suck it up for now. Just as long as he feels like he's the one in control and he's the alpha male, he will be a number on my side. But I'm not a Stephen Fishbach as much as I love him, where I stick to the alpha male. I'm the third in command that waits for the right moment to strike.

For my position in the game, I'd like to think I'm in a decent spot. I have this three person alliance with JR and Mihai, that alliance extends wth Uli. And if Ivan is being real with me he's voting with us and if he pulls in Jamie then we're golden. If not we only need one vote then I can play a double vote to ensure majority this first vote.

"aurora"

- Ci'ere and Shiloh, you're up next. #choppingblock

"aurora"

- if I'm not stuck on relying with Uli I would've voted him out this round. But I am, and I'm stuck with a power hungry, controlling player and it's really making me so fucking nervous. ---I was writing this and I lost my train of thought. I hate.....

"aurora"

- So far, it seems as if the original tribe affiliations have plalyed a big part in the votes. As this is the merge, can we expect a change in that? we can expect a change this week

How does it feel to have made the merge? i thought john would out last me and so i am happy i am here but i miss john dearly

Have the idol pieces come up as a concern now that everyone is together? it has for me but i am just going day by day

"aurora"

- So, this vote will be so messy, but I was expecting it. The plan is to vote out shiloh and it's like me, josh, jr, uli jamie and apparently ivan and marc on the board for that. The thing is that andrew already told me how himself, marc, ciere, chrissa and shiloh have this alliance chat and they wanna take ivan as their 6th to take out joshua. I am in this position where I get information from both sides and although I feel like andrew lost some of his trust in me, I should be safe. If they're smart they would take me out. but I don't think they are. My only worry is the idol andrew has and thus I was thinking of a plan: tell andrew that everyone said shiloh's name, but that in fact they're voting for ci'ere. That way if he plays the idol, he will play it on ci'ere and we still vote shiloh and the good part is that no one has to know about it so no one has to change their vote and panic ?? joshua knows about it because we skyped and I just...love him ❤ There's no way I'm going back to krill because I cant stand chrissa, I hate ci'ere, Shiloh doesnt care about me, ivan is all over the place and so I'm not special to him ?? and marc, well he's still cute and all. I think I put myself in a good position because I have someone on each side to protect me, but after this vote the lines will drawn and all hell breaks loose for me. Bring it on!

Day 20
"aurora"

- god, andrew is soooo gonna hate me because now he's trying to throw ivan under the bus in front of ciere so I can be included in their alliance instead of ivan. It's a dangerous game I'm playing, but I cannot stop! ??

"aurora"

- SOMEBODY STOP ME. I dont wanna become the male version of jamie and get myself out ??

"aurora"

- After the challenge, scrambling began. I'm sitting on the ice watching people go off in separate directions with different reasons. I'm not stupid! They're plotting and scheming obviously. That is until I got invited to scramble session. Apparently, Uli wants Shiloh out. So I just said yes but I asked him if we have the numbers. Then he said we have our four, Jamie, maaaybe Ivan, Andrew, and Ci'ere. After Shiloh flipped on us, I absolutely want her out of this game. I don't trust her and if she flipped on us before, she's going to do it again.

After that, I talked to Mihai. He also wants Shiloh out but he said that Andrew and Ciere are on the other side. There's sooo many things going on and I'm barely clued in on what's happening!! What is happening? No one, other than Josh, Mihai, and Uli, talks to me and they don't seem to care for me. Either they don't like me or I'm just a terrible survivor player. I never said anything bad in front of the other players so I'm leaning towards the latter.

"aurora"

- Oh boy time to do a recap.

Tribes merged! Hallelujah There was a clear division between Krill (Chrissa, Ci'ere & Marc) vs Ferrar (JR, Josh, and Uli) leaving AIM High with a big decision. Shiloh immediately flipped to Krill so that set a target on her back. And Uli apparently thinks he and I can work together so we pulled in Ivan to form a trio. So this gave me and Ivan a lot of options.

On the other hand, I'd only go with what's best for Mihai and I. I trust him a whole lot more than Ivan and we both have the same passive yet aggressive style of game. Anyways AIM high literally has all the powa!! I'm apart of the Krills, Mihai's apart of Ferrar, and Ivan plays all sides (which makes him a great shield), so we always know everything inside and out.

Now tribal... I don't know if Mihai is my guardian angel but twice in a row, what he does that seems wrong to me always has the best possible outcome. Josh was the easy target and we seemed set, but apparently the whole tribes messy approach really screwed up the vote xD

Turns out JR had the double vote, and its great that it got flushed now. I'm confident that Josh has the vote canceler though.

Now I'd prefer Josh to go home since he seems so untrustworthy but Ivan thought we were siding with Uli and his goons and by then it was too late. Mihai also found out last minute that Marc scrambled and was told to vote Shiloh and never spoke to me about this. I knew Shiloh was the Ferrar's initial target and I would've done anything to flip that vote to Marc, but I couldn't look suspicious to Uli so the risk wasn't worth it. I guess the old saying if you love something, you let her go had to happen this time around. And I'm gonna miss her ??