Board Thread:Survivor 31: Byzantium/@comment-34920341-20180418210922/@comment-19601789-20180420022429

Before I get into anything said in the speech, I want to make clear that the way I went about your vote with you specifically was not classy in any matter. Leaving you on read for that long, not even giving you a chance to possibly repair our relationship was a major mistake on my part and I take fault for that. I do hope you can see where I came from despite all that. I was nervous that you would sniff out an idol play or something like you did Luca/Liam talking to you after you gave Hannah information. Plus, if you had suspected you were the one leaving, it would've been bloody, so that's why I decided not to approach you for most of the vote. Towards the end, I wanted to talk but I thought that would be more transparent and seen as me "trying to get your jury vote", which was not my goal if I had done that. That being said, if that's what lost my jury vote with you, I understand.

When I prided myself on my social game, I meant that game aspect of being social. The jury might be soured from how my personality came across to them, but I felt that I was able to use some aspects of a social game to advance in the game. Compared to people who were categorized similarly to me, I was able to shake it off and continue to fight in the game. Sam was labelled as someone who was playing a great game and not to be trusted since he was someone who could play the middle, Charlie was seen as someone who could easily play the middle as well, etc. Similarly to them, I was labelled as someone who was not to be trusted in this game, a liar, a manipulator, fake, and things of the sort. Despite that, I was able to repair that image in some sense and build bridges with people who might not have wanted to play with me after your vote. Nicole was somewhat mad that I took out her #1 ally in this game and very well could've held a vendetta against me for what I did to her, but I was able to successfully fix my relationship with her to the point that she wanted me to stay in this game longer. After playing an idol and negating six votes against me, I got none the next tribal council. The vote where Luca went home, I had two votes cast against me and once again received none the next tribal council. At the final four, I received two votes and received none in the revote. In this sense, I do think this was what a social GAME was; allowing yourself to have a foundation to be flexible and allow for others to see the value in keeping you around in the game, most of which can be traced to conversations or solid trust built. I might not have had the best personal connections to the jurors, but I do think I had strategic connections that I capitalized on.

I was excited to play the game, what can I say? While you did say that I was very transparent and people felt I wanted to only talk game and flip my personality, there were people I didn't do that with. Tyler was someone I tried talking to every day because I genuinely liked talking to him, we rarely ever talked game unless it was him voting me and me telling him I understood because it was a game. With Priscilla, we did talk game but most of it never really happened and yet, I felt we had decent conversation as well, and I tried to keep the conversation going because I really just wanted to talk to her. Even with my close ally Hannah, we only talked game when it was important and the rest of the time we just talked about random things. I can understand why a lot of the early jurors felt that sense of transparency and eagerness to strategize because at that time, it was crucial for me to get a game relationship started since numbers were tight. Despite that, I did still talk to people for the sake of talking to them. Even with you, we talked about things not even related to the game until the round of your elimination.

I know I did lie when I didn't need to and did technically "cheat" due to the screenshot I sent (which was of the idol riddle I had found, which I shared with my alliance), but those things shouldn't define the game I played. Yes, they were blatant flaws that don't make me look like a good candidate for the win, but I was able to play the game the best I could despite facing some sense of adversity. I was seen as a huge target since the beginning of the merge (whether it be because of my immunity win in that first round or me lying to you), yet I was able to get to this point. I successfully eliminated people before they had a chance to eliminate me like Luca. Despite being in a supposed "duo", I was able to separate my game and take control of that partnership and form ones with other people that allowed me to make moves. Like I had said on Day 1, "My game will be pretty straightforward; make bonds and cut those who don’t have my best interest in mind", which I ultimately did. My personality being seen as disingenuine should not be the reason I lose a game whose foundation is building on having to lie to people at certain points or making promises you can't keep to advance yourself. I have played the game since the moment we started and have not stopped and the hard work and effort I put into this game should not be in vain. I met all of you in a game and I understand the anger you all have towards me and my fellow finalists, but you shouldn't judge my character as the things I did in this game does not reflect me as a person, nor should it anybody. The way I played the game might not be the most respected or the most admirable, but at the end of the day, I played the game I had to to get this far and I hope you guys can all support the decisions I made and the game I played.