Board Thread:Big Brother 5/@comment-26137519-20171217200824/@comment-24642146-20171217214013

Hey Alex, Good to hear from you again, how are you, i am fine...

Once again, pardon my stupidity. Im nervous. The easiest way for me me get through this coherently is to break down everything you said.

“Someone who I was very comfortable talking to, cracking some semi-offensive jokes (but I got the humor for that lol), but playing this game WAY  too emotionally and at times coming off as very controlling and demanding.”

1) my jokes re extremely offensive. But thank you for taking it all in stride. You were an amazing friend and ally to me.

2) I 100% agree i play every game with a lot of emotion. My passion for these games are what drive me, and if i lose that passion or a game stops making me happy or being fun, i may check out. Unfortunately the over the top loud bitch who cracks jokes has the highest of highs and the lowest of low. I wont apologize for it because without all the emotion and theatrics, i dont think i’d be as good in these games.

3) I would agree im controlling and demanding when im in power. If im an HOH or POV holder i will exercise as much control as possible to get what i want. When i was HOH and you won POV, you wanted Bryce gone while i still had use for him. I made that clear and I kept Bryce safe. Weeks where i had no power, i would give my opinion and if you did not agree with it i would shut the fuck up and take my place in line. So yes, i will agree with you if i had an opportunity to push the game in a direction i believed favored me, i would do it.



<span style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Arial;color:#3a3a3a;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre;white-space:pre-wrap;">“I've been aligned with you from very early on and for the longest time had absolutely no issues with that, I even was ready to "throw you a pity vote" against Grant, which helped you survive the Double Eviction by a mere 4-3 vote (which apparently Bryce voted to keep you after he preached, that he wanted you out of this game for so long, but whatever floats his boat) but as we hit mid-jury, you started to completely derail and go nuts.”

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:11pt;margin-bottom:11pt;"><span style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Arial;color:#3a3a3a;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre;white-space:pre-wrap;">1) I completely agree with you. I go mad with pressure and power. We were so close to the end and i finally started winning competitions.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:11pt;margin-bottom:11pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:11pt;margin-bottom:11pt;"><span style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Arial;color:#3a3a3a;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre;white-space:pre-wrap;">You have went into full "I worked for my spot here and some didn't" mode and you tried to make me work with people, who I have told you multiple times I wanted out of the game and I didn't see the benefit of them staying.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:11pt;margin-bottom:11pt;"><span style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Arial;color:#3a3a3a;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre;white-space:pre-wrap;">1) That point in the game i was really starting to get pissed off with the advantages. The VL was doling out secret powers to people who had done nothing to impact the game. That was the point where i snapped. I was sick of the floaters, going back and forth, being loyal to me when it suited them and back over to the other side of the house. I didn’t understand why Alex and Bryce were trying to kill each other. So i tried to bridge the gap, even if it was just for my HOH weeks. I knew that Natalie, Dom and Ali could have easily floated to the end. Though at the time i hadn’t won many challenges i knew that i would be taken out if Alex and Bryce were eliminated. So i worked on keeping you two boys around. I’ll admit that Bryce’s final 2 deal with me was a massive longshot and it backfired in a way that destroyed your game instead of mine. We all knew just how powerful those 3 girls (Dom, Nat and Ali) votes were becoming and i took steps to change that.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:11pt;margin-bottom:11pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:11pt;margin-bottom:11pt;"><span style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Arial;color:#3a3a3a;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre;white-space:pre-wrap;">You were convinced, that there was absolutely no chance that Bryce would go against you, because of the personal bond, that you had created, and despite me trying to tell you multiple times, that I did not trust your instincts on that, you refused to cooperate and make the move against Bryce, which subsequently resulted in both of us getting nominated <span style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Arial;color:#3a3a3a;font-weight:700;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre;white-space:pre-wrap;">BY BRYCE <span style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Arial;color:#3a3a3a;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre;white-space:pre-wrap;">the week after and ultimately leading to my eviction.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:11pt;margin-bottom:11pt;"><span style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Arial;color:#3a3a3a;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre;white-space:pre-wrap;">1) Once again, that was a big risk i took that backfired in a big way. I feel guilty because (calling a spade a spade) i essentially used you as a meat shield that week, and our friendship and alliance meant a lot more than that to me. I felt like my best shot at making it to the end was not with the girls because they all played such similar Under the Radar games, and they would never take me to the end. The fact that im sitting here with Emma bringing me still baffles me because i still dont think she did that much to impact the season, while i was a lot more active in how i advanced through the weeks. So, at top 6 it was my decision, and i made a move to trust Bryce. I unfortunately knew that if he was lying to me he would still target you first and me second. I felt guilty and i still do because the move i made used your big brother life as a wager instead of mine.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:11pt;margin-bottom:11pt;">

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:11pt;margin-bottom:11pt;"><span style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Arial;color:#3a3a3a;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre;white-space:pre-wrap;">To be honest, I was salty at the thought of getting evicted, despite having the right instincts and the possibility to prevent it, but not having you pull through, because of your "Bryce is like my brother and the others don't deserve to be here" ideology. However, I can respect it from a point of view, that you would've done the same thing, if I was Bryce and I am thankful that you consider me as such an important person to you. One mishap in that area can easily be forgiven, I did not however appreciate, how you gave me one last round-house-kick straight into my fucking face on my eviction week, by cock-teasing me with the Power of Veto, which I <span style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Arial;color:#3a3a3a;font-weight:700;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre;white-space:pre-wrap;">EXPECTED <span style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Arial;color:#3a3a3a;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre;white-space:pre-wrap;">you to use for yourself, but you still decided to tell me, that you were possibly going to use it on me and didn't say anything, that would make me think any other way, only for you to still follow through and send me home.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:11pt;margin-bottom:11pt;"><span style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Arial;color:#3a3a3a;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre;white-space:pre-wrap;">1) That day was the culmination of all the guilt i had been feeling. I knew i was risking your life in this game, and i had fucked it up. I was pissed, i was sad, and the thought of losing you (my most trust ally and honestly my best friend in this game) scared me more than my own potential eviction. I sincerely considered saving you and just letting the vote happen, that was not a lie. But the results are still the same, and you verbiage is perfect, i cock-teased you. I was a high school freshman giving you a subpar, chafing nightmare of a handjob without so much as spit for lube, and when you were finally ready to climax, i got bored, walked away and left you with blue balls. For that im sorry and i wish i could have contained the emotion, but thats not how i function here. You can't have the crazy bitch that will go off on Trent to stand up for Dominique, or the idiot who crack jokes about Alex being a slut or having diarrhea from cheap beer without also getting the overly emotional psycho who will consider throwing herself on her sword if she thinks an ally deserves to stay more than her. Im happy i’ve stayed because i made it this far, but there is still apart of me that wish you were still in this game and didnt have to be punished for my mistakes, and if Alex had made it this far he would have had a lot easier of a time winning then I.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:11pt;margin-bottom:11pt;"><span style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Arial;color:#3a3a3a;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre;white-space:pre-wrap;">I would like you to reflect on all the <span style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Arial;color:#3a3a3a;font-weight:700;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre;white-space:pre-wrap;">PERSONAL <span style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Arial;color:#3a3a3a;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre;white-space:pre-wrap;"> decisions you made, tell me and the jury, why you felt that they made strategic sense to you and I would like you to elaborate on what your entire "I want to be with the big boys" ideology was all about, despite the fact that it clearly didn't look like it was making sense some of the time.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:11pt;margin-bottom:11pt;"><span style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Arial;color:#3a3a3a;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre;white-space:pre-wrap;">1) I think i’ve gone over most of it above.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:4pt;margin-bottom:11pt;"><span style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Arial;color:#3a3a3a;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre;white-space:pre-wrap;">One thing, that I would like to know from <span style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Arial;color:#3a3a3a;font-weight:700;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre;white-space:pre-wrap;">BOTH OF YOU <span style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Arial;color:#3a3a3a;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre;white-space:pre-wrap;"> concerning my eviction week is why the <span style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Arial;color:#3a3a3a;font-weight:700;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre;white-space:pre-wrap;">FUCK <span style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Arial;color:#3a3a3a;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre;white-space:pre-wrap;">you thought it was necessary to kick me, while I was already on the ground. It doesn't matter if it was intentional or unintentional, both of you made me believe, that I had at least a <span style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Arial;color:#3a3a3a;font-weight:700;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre;white-space:pre-wrap;">CHANCE <span style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Arial;color:#3a3a3a;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre;white-space:pre-wrap;"> of surviving the week one way or another and both of you proceeded to crush that so mercilessly, that I was in a matter slightly disgusted at that, so if you could both please tell me why you had done what you did, I would appreciate that.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:4pt;margin-bottom:11pt;"><span style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Arial;color:#3a3a3a;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre;white-space:pre-wrap;">1) I cant speak for ali, but i think you are one of the most likable amazing people i’ve ever met. I care for you deeply and you felt like my little brother in this game, and big fucking part of me wanted to go all hunger games in that scenario and volunteer for execution rather then let her little sibling face it. Im sorry if it came off any other way. My final decision was selfish, but my thought process was “do not let Alex go. You are a smart player, figure out a fucking way to save him you stupid bitch.” And in the pressure of that situation, my anger at bryce and desire to keep you safe culminated in this plan to remove you from the block and bite the bullet. Had you said, “please Erin save me from the block.” I would have done it in an instant, but you were too good of a person to even do that. You wanted it to be my own decision. So, im so sorry, no explanation could excuse the cock teasing, and you deserved better.