Board Thread:Big Brother 10/@comment-31256783-20191002211743/@comment-40159433-20191002232958

Let's get to your questions!

1. I mentioned this a little bit in my speech (I don't know if you missed it), but I'll be happy to go more in depth as I knew this could come up. When we first met and you asked me if I was from Discord, I immediately rejected the idea and shot you down. That was not to belittle your intelligence or to make you feel like you were stupid. Coming into this game, I did not want any leftover baggage from Discord as I was starting over on a new platform, so when you confronted me about it, I denied until the cows came home.

I felt like I was put in an uncomfortable place because it was either I acknowledged it, had it get out that I've played before, then my game is already off to a bad start, or deny it and play it off like you didn't know what you were talking about. Hearing from you now, I am sorry for making you feel like that from the jump because my intentions were not really to hurt you; if anything, it was more of a defense mechanism to protect myself (that including me leaving the server as you mentioned). Is it a good reason? No, probably not. But it was the true reason why I didn't say anything about that ordeal. And as for the trust factor, it's very hard to trust someone when they confront you on something WEEK ONE. It's not like we had built a relationship and you had decided to ask, it was completely out of the blue from my perspective so I was taken back by that mere fact.

I believe you should give me your vote because aside from that, we both were able to put our differences aside to potentially work together at one point or another. I distinctly remember us having a conversation in the week that Sharky was evicted where we both agreed that we were on the bottom. Even going into the next week, I was 100% down with the Vegan Leftovers, it just so happened to be bad timing with the Pandora's Box.

2. Thank you for this question! It's funny, because I actually talked about this earlier in the season before we all had even entered the house. Going in, some of my clear problems with my game in Nick's BB were...

- Controlling my emotions

- Coming across as less of a threat overall

- Having better jury management

I think that I was able to prove on most, if not, all of the problems from that game. If you remember, I would pop off at the slightest thing. I got into numerous arguments with several houseguests which ended up hurting me in the eyes of the Jury. Even things like emotional decisions, I tried to avoid if at all possible. The one glaring moment I can remember I did something completely emotional was voting for you to leave over Megan, but that still had strategic relevance to it because Megan and I were in an alliance and she talked more with me than you had. But I would say that I improved a lot on managing my emotions this season, as even when you called me out, I didn't react, I didn't argue; I understood what you were saying and I let you know that too.

Coming across as less of a threat overall was a no-brainer. I wasn't necessarily a "threat" all the way through in Nick's BB, but I was targeted by people because of my good social game. This time around, I wanted to make sure that I wasn't making myself a huge target for unnecessary reasons. You talk about how I didn't make big moves or how I really tried to play under the radar like it was a bad thing, but I respectfully disagree. I feel like I HAD to do that. I had to adapt, I had to play up the motherly role. It was important for me to build connections that way and to stay off people's radars. Speaking of ways those connections helped me, I was able to form alliances with different groups of people and position myself in the middle of large groups that were all going after each other. Not one person was going after me through this. I could have been easily targeted, yes, but I was never the forefront on anyone's minds. Even IF I had been targeted, the chances of me going home were slim to none as you pointed out, as no one saw fit for me to leave before the end game anyways. Overall, I think I downplayed my threat level as much as I could.

The "Having better jury management" part is subjective really. Unlike Nick's BB, I didn't call out potential jurors and picked fights with them this go-around. However, you could argue that my jury management was still not good. I'm the underdog for a reason; Sam played a much flashier game with his comp wins and story of surviving round by round. Despite that, I do believe that I should earn respect for the fact that I was able to go to bed at nights knowing that I was most likely safe if either side of the house won HOH.

So in total, those are all the new things I picked up from Nick's BB. I definitely took time, reread others' confessionals, looked at what I did wrong to try and improve my case for this time. Will it succeed? That's up to you guys now. I hope I answered your questions and please don't feel bad if you feel like you attacked us! You had a rough time in the game, and that was made no easier by any of us so you have absolutely every right to be passionate about it.