Board Thread:Survivor 20: Heroes Vs. Villains/@comment-26577876-20161027213731/@comment-25593884-20161028032854

Hey Sarah! Thank you so much for your questions and this might be posted a bit later than expected because your questions and the things you said really got me to think a lot before I really started to type this speech out if I’m gonna be honest with you. I’m gonna get started with this question right away and give you my thoughts! How will you challenge yourself in future seasons to allow people to see more of yourself? How will you let your light shine, so to speak? Lemme just say that this question is such a good question, and just how you explained what you thought of me and then narrowed it down to this question is truly amazing and definitely made me think a whole lot longer than I expected. Remembering the convos that we had together, I can really understand now how you thought that I always had a guard up and it was always so frustrating to talk to me when you didn’t really understand why. If I stood up and was able to rewind this game and edit something out of that timeline, it would definitely be me not being as genuine and just not as open to the people that weren’t really apart of the alliance I was in. And I know it wasn’t good because connections are one of the major key things in Survivor, but also just being able to have those connections and friendships after the game is such an amazing thing to have and now I realize why I can’t really make strong bonds most of the times after games I previously played because I was really never that genuine with the people I didn’t work with that much. After reading my jury speech and responses again, I really saw the change and how I was more open and genuine with everybody like I really haven’t been before. And I really just think that I was so focused and determined to win this game that I was never able to calm down and kind of played a persona that in reality I really did not want  to play by and I truly just wanted to be myself which I slowly began to calm down and became less stressed about everything cuz I was finally reaching the end. I honestly really think if I played the same game that had me making strong connections with the people that I wasn’t aligned with, I really feel the game that I played would have been less emotionally stressful and less grueling to play through than if I just really had this barrier around me when I talked to people. I really do realize now why there is such a division between people who thought I played a really great social game and people who really I thought I was lacking in that department. Just knowing that people really wanted to know who I was because I kind of held my guard with people I wasn’t closely aligned with and I had this sort of enigma about myself that I really didn’t want to have just really makes me feel bad and is honestly one of the biggest regrets  that I have in this game and if there ever was a way to rewind and fix it, I’d do it in a heartbeat. So to finally answer your question, I really would just want to be myself and not play a very guarded game and not make it seem like I don’t care about anybody I’m not aligned with, when in reality, I truly do care about everybody and just try my best to not be someone I am definitely not. I’m hoping this answers your question. I really put a lot of thought into this and paced back and forth in my room just trying to put what was on my mind into what I was typing haha! I truly see you as an amazing friend and by the convos we had, you were always very nice and just really enjoyable to talk to. I’m hoping we can talk more in the future and after the game is over, and I wish you good luck on your decision. Thanks Sarah! :D