Board Thread:Big Brother 4/@comment-31455489-20170910172514/@comment-31720975-20170910175109

 Hey Syd<3. Firstly thank you for giving me a further opportunity to try explain myself, I appreciate it.

 After reading all the speeches, I am pretty aware I am losing this game due to the personal comments I’ve made, and it sucks. I’ve put my absolute all into this game, played the best game overall, all for disgusting comments i said in the heat of the moment, to lose it for me. I can’t lie and say I completely understand, as I hoped people would have separated the game and personal, but In a game where these 2 subjects were so interwoven, I can’t be mad or blame individuals for being hurt and angry at the awful comments that i did make..

 There’s not much else i can say about the whole situation. I’d do anything to go back, and take back the comments i made, i’ve never felt so embarrassed and ashamed of actions i’ve made in my entire life, and i’ve rightfully suffered the consequences, i’ve lost nearly the entirety of my org friendships, worried about my personal life being affected by this, and ultimately completely tarnished any reputation and good-will people felt about me, and in the process, also ruined this game I have dominated, and I believed deserved to win. I just don’t know what else to say, I’ve apologised, I’ll apologise again, i’ll continue to apologise, regardless of whether people think it’s me playing the victim, or a fake apology, it’s not. Only I know the effect this has had on me, and the remorse I feel, and it’s immense. I don’t expect anyone to speak to me outside the game, I just had hoped people would vote on game, and then not speak to me again, and justifyingly dislike me, but I realise that will not be the case now, and this has affected the game also.

 What I said, was during a conversation with one of my previous best friends on the org, I was mad after an argument on the house chat, and went completely overboard, and crossed a line no-one should cross. It was immature and just wrong, and I just can’t express it enough and I know it will never be enough. It was disgusting.

 I truly don’t know what else to say, I’m sorry, i’d call myself a disgusting hateful bitch of a person but I don’t believe I am. I made a mistake (one that yes not many people would make) and for that, i’m going to remain regretful and wishing it never occurred. All I can do is grow from this, never stoop to that level again and change, as insincere as it might seem, this has affected me, and it is changing me. There's not much else i can say on a game term, I just plea for somehow people to look past this. I've played the best game, this game was full of strategic moves and large players, and many of you even in the recent weeks, declared you would vote for me despite my horrible behaviour due to my gameplay. It's sad that this season is now ending on a 'against someone' vote, In a season which was full of strategy. I'm sorry for my actions, If people want me to try explain further I will, but there's not much else I can say, I've tried my best, I'm only human, and I just don't know how else to show that I am remorseful, because I am.