Board Thread:Survivor 20: Heroes Vs. Villains/@comment-24603302-20161024220551/@comment-24553600-20161025002621

Hey Chris,

I told you pretty much after everything that I didn't expect your jury vote or want it if I got here because I'm not trying to convince you how I played some spectacular game and you going was part of it, I was upset about voting you off in general but everything around the situation only made it worse. I never really backstab people in games that I'm close to, so I didn't really know how to handle it because I'm not a cut throat person. I told you I would've told you right away if it weren't for us hosting a season together at the same time as well as just being friends with you. I panicked because of repercussions to a move that lasted outside this game and I handled it poorly which I apologize for. But I can say that it was a game move, I can sit here and type out a 2000 word essay about how horrible it made me feel and how sorry I was, it was a game move and not me choosing friends over you the fact of the matter like I said was the Heroes didn't trust you and wanted you out, and people associated us together and it effected me to the point where people wouldn't trust me because of you. It was a pure Michele and Julia moment, I wanted people to show they could trust me and I had to just do what I thought was best for me. If there was a way we could've both made it further I would've been 100% down with that, but unfortunately I don't think there would be a chance in hell it would've happened but I'm here today so as cruel and cutthroat as it was I think as a game it was the best option for me. I had to take friendship out of it and look at it as a game point of view, and I do believe that was the defining move this season that set the course of everything that came and the reason why I'm here.

Also, I posted those screenshots because I was completely unaware Miguel was even on the fence about the situation. I didn't even know that a screenshot was even needed because from what I had heard about the Heroes tribe at that point prior to merging was that Miguel was in an alliance with Szymon, and Miguel told Szymon about the idol when they merged, as well as Szymon was sort of the leader of the heroes. I didn't think Miguel would need that much convincing and I still believe if no screenshot was involved he would've played the idol on Bryce regardless with the same outcome, seeing as he literally did the same thing the very next round. I wouldn't post them and lie about it that would be FTC suicide, but I posted my word and my word is all I have. I don't believe anyone else in this game can say that I sent them a screenshot and tried to make a move happen with it. I quite frankly never needed a screenshot to help me in this game and if anyone can come forward and call me out on that then that's on me. I sent one as I was talking to a friend about an issue I didn't see as a game move but rather just venting, it was my dumb mistake for not thinking things through with that 100%. All I can say is that I do know what I did was wrong, I didn't even think at the time what i was doing was cheating but I without a doubt have learned and grown from it. I owned up to it before anyone publicly stated it was me and took my punishments, there was one side of the story shown and I just wanted to make mine clear is all.

I am truly sorry about just how everything went down because that's what I regret out of this game, but it's not fair to me though to bring up other ORG's to try and make me feel worse to further your point because it's like you said, anything can happen in Survivor and new stuff happens every round of every game. I said this was a game move and even you helping me in another ORG was a game move. I helped you multiple times in other ORGs as well this isn't a one sided relationship. I understand the whole fighting for me thing, but I rarely backstab people so when things happen outside the game unlike real Survivor I just suck at handling it.

For the record I'm not trying to argue you for your vote, I'm just responding. I know I fucked up especially when it comes to you, and you have a reason to be personally mad. This isn't an apology either, as you said you don't want one and I've already made it known that I am, I fucked up and I fuck up when it comes to cutting people, but at end of the day the object of the game is to win yourself and not let your friends win, I made a move and that's all I can say. I'm sorry I fucked up and I'm not fighting for your vote, I am fighting for you to forgive me though because that is what I will care about the most outside of this game.