Board Thread:Survivor 29: Hallasan/@comment-5277627-20180109074830

Intro
Hi Ally, hi Devon

Firstly this is going to be very difficult for the three of us. I’ve said some things about you in Ponderosa that aren’t very nice at all, but the thing is, it was because the two of you hurt me, very, very, badly. You made me hate this ORG with every bit of my being. You made me wish I’d never signed up. You made me wish I’d never played. I have never, ever, ever regretted any ORG in my entire career, but I absolutely regret doing this one. I regretted waking up because I knew I’d have to do something Hallasan related. I loathed every challenge. At the very end, I didn’t even want to talk to anyone left in the game because I was just done. This was one negative experience after the other and the two of you, either separately or combined, contributed to at least 90% of that negative experience. Do I hate you personally? No. But I am absolutely disgusted with the way you both played. I found you to be fake, hypocritical, rude and just doing things that were downright unnecessary. It’s a game, I understand. I know I was emotional and frustrating. I know you had to get to the end. Just let me explain myself, because I hate this feeling of anger I have towards both of you and I want it all to go away and the only way I can do that is get this all out. I’m on the verge of tears writing this because it hurts, and I haven’t even begun yet. I’m going to start by addressing some things in your speeches, then addressing the problems I had with you.Feel free to respond to anything I've gotten wrong in your reply. Although this will be long and you probably won’t like what you read, read to the bottom because that’s where your questions are. (I’ve put this in headings so you can skip to the relevant parts).

ALLY
Ally. First I want to address some things in your speech that I took issue with.

• “Blake threw a vote on me because he didn’t want to vote his friend out. I forgave him, but this definitely had me starting to doubt him as an ally.”

This just hurts. It shows me that you had no ability to see people as people and to you, everything had a strategic motive. Your reaction to this was completely unfair and, in my eyes, very hypocritical. I had told you that I was upset about voting Max. I knew Max was going, I knew he didn’t have the idol, and you specifically told me I could vote for someone else. I didn’t vote for Devon that night, because I knew he’d freak out. I didn’t vote for Jake or Felipe because I thought they’d be mad. I I voted for you, because we’re close, because I felt you would be the least likely to freak out, because you would understand. You “forgave” me? You acted like it was a personal insult, like how dare I vote for you. For you to throw that completely back in my face and doubt me as an ally, shows that we didn’t have that bond. We weren’t as close as you claimed, or I thought we were. The fact that I did that was a show of my unwavering TRUST in you. It was the ultimate display of me being on your side, because I had that much faith in our alliance and friendship that you would know me as a person, to know it was meaningless. To know you didn’t, and used it as the basis to cut me, is really hurtful.

• “During the merge vote, Blake begun to sketch me out more than when he already had pre-merge, due to his blind trust in Daniel. It was at this point that I recognized that this wasn’t going to end up being good for my game.”

That’s a complete lie right there. I knew you were running the tribe, because you were a dictator, because everything had to go your way at the time, but I was never going to turn against you, until your actions that round. The only damage ever done to our alliance was done by you. “blind faith” in Daniel was not blind at all. He was the most honest person there. Was I going to take Daniel to the end? Hell no. I wasn’t THAT dumb. Was I going to go far with Daniel? No. I knew he had bonds with Sam and potentially Zach. My loyalty was always to you, until your reaction to me casting a meaningless vote, couple with the fact you were downright rude to me in the first post-merge Tribal Council. Had I not quit, I would have turned that round. But why did I? Because you and Devon would have given me so much shit for it and I couldn’t deal with that negativity on top of everything else.

Now that I’m done, let me address my personal issues with you.

- FAKENESS- I felt, at times, you were fake, especially with how you reacted to me leaving the game. You were quick to say “I’m sorry this was such a negative experience for you”, which I believed at the time, but began to doubt once I’d heard that you’d talked about how annoying I was behind my back, and when I reflected on how rude you’d been during the last round. I feel like your message and parchment was just to win my Jury vote. Please correct me if this is wrong.

- RUDENESS- My biggest issue, by far, was with how rude you were. I found you, at times, to be a condescending dictator. Everything just had to go your way, all the time, and I felt like you gave the illusion that we had a say but we never did. When I fought to keep Max, it was so he could be a number for us. I understand you thought i'd be tighter to him than you, but you condescendingly told me I had “too much faith in a pre-game friendship”, even though right in front of us, Devon was using the same argument to keep Felipe. You ignored this it seemed. When I didn’t write Max’s name down, you said “We obviously made the right choice because you would never have written his name down post-merge either.” (A lie- I was aligned with you). My biggest issue, though, was Daniel’s elimination. You insisted over and over again Daniel was voting for me, but Daniel was only voting for me because you fed him my name (and even if you didn’t, you were involved in it). You guilt-tripped me and made me feel even worse than I already did, by insisting that I was going to get idol’d out and it was my fault, because Daniel knew to idol himself. You knew Cammy had the idol and you just tried to make me feel shit. Then when Daniel did vote for me, you were just like “I told you so”. Not only had you lied to make me feel bad for the entire vote, but I felt it was completely unnecessary and downright rude. Those are my issues with you. I know that I was an emotional player and a pain to deal with at times, but I felt you crossed lines and you hurt me very deeply. Feel free to respond to any of this with corrections.

DEVON
Devon, I truly don’t think I’ve ever been as angry at anyone, not just in the ORG but my entire life, as I am at you as I type this. You are, without question, the fakest, most hypocritical and inconsiderate player I have ever played with. As a whole your speech was better but I’m going to ignore it because of the issues I have with you. I opened up to you about Mackie because I was scared, because you seemed exactly like him. You assured me you weren’t, but you were the spitting fucking image and it makes me sick. You told me about alliance chats, lied to me about Jake and Jose, and constantly reinforced that I was on the bottom, that you were the only reason I was sticking around, that you were saving me from votes. You were a hypocrite and a lair on multiple occasions, just like Mackie. That’s what Macie did and you tried doing it to me again. Had I turned on you in the round I left, as I was going to, you would have just bitched and moaned about how you were always loyal to me despite none of it being true. Let’s go through my issues with you:

- FAKENESS: Everything you said to me, you were saying to other people. You put yourself forward as this loyal ally, but you were constantly selling out other people. You told everyone that you were with them and wanted to work with them. You made me feel like we had a friendship, but you got closer and closer to Ally and you acted insulted that I voted for her, showing that you didn’t really know me at all. You acted like a sweetheart but you were playing the game harder than anyone. You said in your speech that we had a “VERY” solid relationship- a lie. I was suspicious of you from the get go, and had we gone to Tribal before Ally got to Jinan, I would have voted you out, because Jake was genuine with me, and even Jose was more real with me than you. The only reason I stuck with you was because of Ally, but then that faltered and there was absolutely nothing left keeping me with you. Zach, Sam and Jake were way more genuine to me than you ever were and had I stayed, I would have sided with them.

- BLATANT HYPOCRISY- This disgusted me more than I could ever put into words. What repulses me even more is that you not only were a hypocrite, you knew and laughed about it. Max’s boot, you told me that I was just trusting people based on a pre-game and I was being emotional; you did this all the while begging to keep Felipe, ignoring every logical point I brought up, because “I know Felipe from Mauritius, he’d tell me if he was going to”, yet when I used the exact same point for Max, you shut it down. Next, there was Daniel’s boot, where you insisted you were with me, but ran and told Ally, then were involved in feeding my name to the other side, once again telling me the exact same shit you’d told me about Max, that I was too trusting in a pre-game. All the while, you were certain Felipe would stay because… wait, let’s see, you were trusting a pre-game!!!!! You are a hypocrite, plain and simple.

- INSENSTIVITY- This is the worst thing about you and what I was touching on when I said you were rude. The first instance was after Daniel’s elimination. I felt like absolute shit. I was on the verge of crying and in you fucking slide to my messages saying “Hey, who was the smart guy who told you not to trust Daniel???” knowing FULL WELL that you had, or at least knew who had, fed my name to that group to vote, and making me feel even worse about myself. Did it not cross your mind that I had just been (what I believed at the time) lied to, completely betrayed, by my best friend? That everything I believed in had been a lie for so long? You showed a total disregard for me and it was very, very hurtful. The second instance, and the one that upsets me the most, is after touchy subjects. I had just been voted biggest goat, didn’t deserve to be there, and never wanted to speak to again after the game ended. Naturally, on top of everything else that had happened, this was really upsetting for me. I was about ready to pull the plug by that point and I spoke to you because I was sad- I even told you I was- and explained it was because of touchy subjects. What did you do? Laughed. You fucking laughed, Devon. I was in a terrible space and you made everything so much worse. How did it cross your mind that it was even remotely okay to laugh when someone tells you why they’re upset? If I had been upset because my cat had died, would you have laughed? If I had been upset because I applied for a job and didn’t get it, would you have laughed? I certainly hope not. So I don’t understand what the Hell possessed you to think it was okay to laugh at that. That’s all the issues I have with you. Like Ally, please feel free to correct me in your response if I’ve got this wrong.

CONCLUSION/QUESTIONS
So yeah, that’s it, that’s how I feel. To be honest, my vote is completely open because I don’t particularly feel like voting for either of you at this point. You both know I’m an emotional player and person, so my desire to vote for you will be helped a lot by this question.

I’d like for you to admit to your flaws. Ally, admit that at times you were rude and did unnecessary things; Devon, '''admit that you were fake, hypocritical and insensitive. Alternatively, if I've gotten this COMPLETELY wrong, let me know, using solid evidence. '''

Then, I’d like the two of you to please offer me a genuine, sincere apology, because I have never been hurt like this in an ORG before and I feel the majority of it was caused by you. And finally, the most important thing of all:

If I reasonably suspect ANY of your response is fake or kiss-ass, or I am otherwise dissatisfied, you will lose my vote.

I know this will be difficult for you to read but I appreciate that you’ve read me getting my feelings out in the open and I want to reiterate that I don’t hate you personally, my issue is with the game you played. I would like to get to know you outside of the game. Thank you. 