Comprehension Is Way Too Hard/Confessionals

Day 10
"equuleus"

- I've been meaning to one of these for a while just been super busy. There is a lot to recap. going into the first double tribal I felt on top of the world and was borderline cocky within my Isaacby alliance and the tetris trio sub alliance. Because I thought I had the numbers locked to save Hickman no matter what I ended up pushing really hard for way to long to keep and once I realized the tides had turned instead of biting the bullet and moving on I sucked it up and fought to the last second to save him. Obviously didn't work, I honestly was really pissed at Isaiah and especially Nemo. he does this shit where he pretends like he didn't know exactly what he was doing. He just refused to own the move and say he felt tighter with bonds with people like Conch. At the time I was very pissed and before the swap I let nicole know that it was Nemo's fault and to target him. I'm not gonna pretend like I masterminded some crazy plan to vote with Hickman and gain sympathy and I did it on purpose, however I am definitely going to take advantage of the benefits that come with my decision to stick with Hickman. Firstly I am using it to push that I am a loyal player willing to give it everything to save an ally. Secondly, I am using it to push my free agent status with the other tribe. I think this will definitely help me integrate with people like Catnip, CJ, and Natalie. I also did not completely burn all my relationships I think I still have salvageable working relationships with Matty, Martynas, Isaiah and of course Nicole. I think the move overall will help me in this swap and going forward. I'm hoping to ride this free agent wave to position myself in the middle for the forseeable future. Not truly an OG Vulcepula but not fully against them either. I think it is risky since this could make me an easy boot at any time but if I am giving enough time to sink under the radar and build a really solid network of allies I have a shot at this. Also shout out Nicole for finishing the job on Nemo. The Hickman revenge tour is just getting started.

"equuleus"

- Coming into today's immunity challenge, I was not expecting to see Nemo to be straight up voted out. Honestly kinda sad I couldn't get my personal revenge for him. Looks like Pendant beat me too it. As much as I did want to work with Nemo as much as I could through the pre-merge, it is his fate that has been sealed.

With Nemo's boot, my suspicions of an alliance that was on Vulpecula 1.0 feels confirmed. Nicole was absent wayyyyy too much to know what was going on with the Hickman vote for me to think that she didn't get her information from somewhere. This makes me suspect Gev even more. I think there was an alliance and Nemo was expendable to Nathaniel and Nicole. But, we shall see if that takes suit.

"equuleus"

- A double tribal???? AGAIN!! What are the hosts DOING to us. I will say, this does make things ~interesting~ for me. I really would like to think my tribe can pull this out with me standing on the sidelines. BUT if they don't, I really do need to weigh my options out.

"equuleus"

- Oh I KNEW Conch would become a dangerous one. In treemail, it was announce that Samb and I were sitting out, they decided to put a little reaction of the Lithuanian flag. This is after Catnip informed me AT was throwing Lithuania alum (and Catnip herself) under the bus as he was leaving the game. Oh man I am out for some Blood. Too bad none of these tribes are colored red....but there's red in these eyes baby. Let's get it.

"monoceros"

- Well, as I feared, my allies flipped on each other, and now Nemo is gone. Pour one out for someone who I could’ve really seen myself going deep with. But I’m an insufferable optimist so I’m out here mining those clouds for silver linings. And the good news here is that now Isaiah and Martynas are both very worried about the original Vulfpeck tribe getting way down in numbers and are determined to stick together. They’ve both told me they’d go to rocks to protect our group, which is now an official alliance, and I’d probably do the same, because why the fuck not? I’ve never gone to rocks before, and I’m here to have new experiences. But I’m hoping it doesn’t come to that. I think our best bet of getting a person to flip is Devin since he’s told both Martynas and I that he felt at the bottom of his original tribe, with no real allies. But I’ve also been looking forward to playing with Caeb for so long, so my ideal target this next vote would be Samb. So I’m letting Caeb and Devin rile themselves up about an alleged Lithuania returnees alliance that apparently their whole OG tribe was all worried about. Do I particularly believe this alliance is legit? Absolutely not. But it’s just the ammo I need to gun down some cowboys.

"monoceros"

- i used to be confused when a term "gamebot" was being thrown out too easily, but i think i would use this term on Devin. like literally: on 1st day of the swap he tried to bring up strategy talks, i joked that "i would had brought you a drink first! before going to this topic!" today he was like: question A: do you want to have kids? 2 minutes after that: what will we do if we go to TC?

is it like he realized that i prefer to talk about life before getting to strategy talks, so just brought up a "warm up question" before going where he really wants to talk about?

"vulpecula"

- As expected, another plan people discussed with me to save someone that I wanted to consider a close ally fell through, and said close ally was sent home. First it was AT, now it was Nemo. I feel like I keep associating myself with the wrong people lol. Either way, I knew it was going to be Nemo and I could no longer change it, so I put my vote on him to make sure I was with the majority. All of that went just as expect. What *wasn't* expected, though, was the fact that I copped two votes. I get it, it was a split vote and I was the closest to Nemo who could've had an idol, but in the event that was the case I would have thought *somebody* would have told me. Allegedly, Nathaniel didn't know, which I probably believe since he was also close to Nemo. Still, Loren and Nicole (presumably) wrote my name down and were bold-faced lying to me all along about it, and that just feels really scummy. Don't get me wrong, I've had plenty of votes in ORGs where I haven't kept it 100 with people and I've done duplicitous things, but I've never gone above and beyond to just lie for the sake of lying; firstly because it's just unnecessary drama to deal with but secondly because it's just not fun. Like, they gain nothing from not telling me and lose a lot. Unless we had two idols between us, knowing there was a split vote wouldn't have changed anything about that vote and everyone else was still safe. Now all they've done is shown me that I cannot and will not trust them at all moving forward, save for maybe Nathaniel, and even though things may be bleak for me I know that if anyone can find a way out from this spot it's me, and so I'm going to do just that and make them regret putting me in this position in the first place.

"vulpecula"

- The goal right now is to use everyone's own bullshit against them. Everyone (except for Pendant because social awareness isn't his thing) is coming to me and playing up how sad and upset they are that they had to vote for me (when they really didn't) and that they just were so unsure of whether to trust me or not and totally see now how they could have trusted me all along (it was always clear that they could) and that now things will be different going forward (they won't be). It's such gaslighty, victim blamey bullshit and I can't believe they're making themselves out to be the ones inconvenienced by me falling one vote shy of leaving the game. You know, the ironic thing is that I don't even really care. I understood the idea of splitting and I understood why it happened. I think *how* it happened was idiotic, but I understood *why* it happened. They seem to care so much more than I do about the fact that they voted for me; or they simply just want me to think they're so crestfallen and sad and want to make it up to me. Firstly, I don't buy that shit for a single second. Next, they're not good enough players to pull that off convincingly. Thirdly, I am. I'm going to run along with this mindset that it's water under the bridge and I totally understand why they voted for me and that me still voting the way I said I did and not voting out Loren shows that I was being so true and honest and loyal all along (I was being loyal, just not to Loren), that way they literally do not have a shred of an argument to be made as to why I should stay on the bottom of this tribe without being disgustingly hypocritical and self-serving. More so than usual. Will it guarantee my safety? Nah. But will it show everyone that catches wind of what happened how big a pack of vile shitcunts the tribe is made up of? Fucken oath it will.

Day 11
"monoceros"

- My tribe, which is named after either rhinos or unicorns, it's unclear, is dominating these challenges, and against all odds, I've been a key part of that so far! Have I officially entered my challenge beast era? Am I Good at Things now, after all this time spent as a flop? That remains to be seen, but since we dodged that double tribal, I'm hopefully only a couple more rounds from finally making the elusive 703 merge. And I need to survive, for Isaac's safe, if nothing else, so that I can make the merge tribe Zaghagmatwo, as it should be.

If we do go to tribal eventually, I think I'm pretty well set up. Martynas, Isaiah, and I, aka Mr. Isaac, aren't flipping on each other. Martynas and I have each built strong bonds with Devin, and Isaiah and I have each formed strong bonds with Caeb. I guess that makes me the star this constellation is orbiting around? While Samb is a rogue piece of space debris floating off to who knows where.

My trio agrees that Samb is the clear choice for us to vote if we do go to tribal, and it sounds like at least Devin would be on board as well. I do think these cross-tribal connections are going to be crucial for me this game though, because if I'm honest, I think we're losing 2 more original Vulcepula members this double tribal, and at least 1 of them is likely to be someone I was closely aligned with.

I'm ready to start singing Empty Chairs at Empty Tables if my pals keep getting sniped, but that's alright. The more allies I lose, the less ties I have, and the more freedom I have to become a renegade agent of chaos come merge. I want to be clear - I'm not flipping on Martynas and Isaiah here because that would put me in a terrible spot if we went back to tribal. But I have absolutely no qualms with flipping on anyone later on. This is not my loyal era, no matter how sweet my tribemates are to me.

"vulpecula"

- We lost the challenge today because apparently comprehension is way too hard for this tribe. I'm not shocked, really, but it's still ludicrous. I'll own my part in the situation, I misread half of one sentence in the rules and formatted my answers in the wrong way, when I would have had more answers right than anyone else in the entire challenge (or tied with Nathaniel maybe, I forget). It's like I accidentally answered a maths test question in feet when it was asking for meters. The answer was still right, but it can't count for the marks. I get that. What I don't get is some of the other people here. Loren and Pendant just... didn't do the entire point of the challenge? Like, I made a glorified typo. They just straight up ignored the entire premise. If we're going back to the maths test analogy. I answered in feet when it was asking for meters, but they just straight up ignored the test altogether and wrote an English essay instead. I do not understand how. What's even more annoying is that it wouldn't have even mattered anyway and we still would've lost, because it gives me all the annoyance of being around useless people without even being able to fully take it out on them because it didn't really cost us in the first place. Now we have to vote someone out again, and I know for a fact that those two are going to go straight to voting for me. I just hope I have Nathaniel and Nicole willing to make a move against one of them, because otherwise I'm going straight out the door.

"vulpecula"

- Tweedle dee and tweedle fuckwit asking in an alliance chat of the three of us who we're voting for together because we're now a majority of the three of us from our old tribe is not only stupid, it's actually such a toxic and unnecessarily cruel move to make. Like, clearly they're idiots so they don't realise I'm well aware of what they're doing, but they're literally just throwing messages in that chat for shits and gigs with no intentions of actually listening to me, so I'm not going to give them a shred of information to work with. I know they're already voting for me, because I've heard as much that they literally went straight to the others and told them how easy a vote I am. So talking to me in a "tribe strong" chat is literally just rubbing salt in the wound for no reason, and it's just gross behaviour that I would've thought got left in Sumbawa. The gaslighting really jumped out this round and it's wild. Despite that, I still actually feel alright about my chances here. I had a great conversation with Nicole where she was fully candid with me, as I have been with her. That's what building a profile of being entirely honest, upfront and a straight shooter gets you. Nicole has commended me on how cool, calm and collected I am and how she knows she can trust everything that I ever say to her. She shouldn't, really, because I don't care about her that much that I'm going to leap over mountains to save her and I'll always be by her side, but I'm more than okay to let her think that. If this tribe wants to play that way and be that fake towards me, I'll gladly give it back because I can do it better than them. Back to the vote though, we had a good conversation between the two of us where she let me know that she's still up in the air about whether to send me home or vote me out, and that's the sort of honesty I do really appreciate. That's the polar opposite to what Pendant and Loren are doing, where they're going to such toxic and unsportsmanlike measures to humiliate me and lead me astray, and even though it's not working at all, it's the assholeish thought that counts. Nicole cut the bullshit and gave it to me straight up that her and Nathaniel will need to talk about whether saving me is worth it or not and there's a chance they might not. No false hope, no extra bullshit; just genuinity. Both the two of them and me also gave a laundry list of reasons why it's so much better for me to stay, and I know that both of them are considering everything that got discussed, so I hope they do come to the conclusion that seems right to my clearly unbiased eyes and keep me around. Pendant and Loren have been showing their true colours for a hot minute and I've spilt just about every little detail that they have going between themselves to everyone else, so I think I've proven more than enough why I'm the person that's better for them to keep. In summation, it's the fact that I'm clearly more honest (true), clearly more rational and levelheaded (very true), clearly a better ally for the two of them (definitely true) and I'm all on my own right now whereas those other two are paired up and will send the tribe to a rock draw should there not be a swap and the four of them lose and vote amongst themselves again. The literal only reason for *not* keeping me is "it's a big decision and it might make someone angry". If that's it, then have a backbone and be willing to not emotionally coddle grown adults you're playing an online game with ffs. Would you rather win or keep people happy? Because I'm clearly better for the tribe's chances at winning if today's challenge is an indicator, and better for Nicole and Nathaniel's chances of winning in the long-term game as well. Sure, you leave whichever one of Loren and Pendant behind a little ticked, but surely trading two people that don't trust you nearly as much as you trust each other for someone with undying loyalty to you in the forseeable future who has nowhere else to go is a no-brainer. I would've thought it was, anyway. But making brain-based decisions is not the strong suit of most of the people here. Other than me, of course, but we know that.

"equuleus"

- I get tempted to tell CJ about my idol. it's my nature to trust and be honest to people. but then also, I need to be calculated, especially for this season. especially cause it's 703 S50, cause it's all stars. cause I fucking want to win. though I still do have moments of just being emotionally vulnerable, I had one earlier today. but I have to keep pushing to be calculated if I can.

Okie also has dropped down in my rankings. yesterday, he essentially said that if we want him to vote an og Fox out, we need to solidify some sort of alliance with him. like... did he just get controlly cause he won Nipvivor or something? where did that desperate "I'm okay to turn on my people cause I need allies" Okie go? that's not necessarily a red flag, but at the very least a pink one.

"equuleus"

- I wasn't a liability in a challenge. I guess positive affirmation does work. We didn't win but I had a person win for myself.

"equuleus"

- We lost and I do feel bad for not being able to contribute. But at the same time, I am excited to see what I can make out of this new tribe and the new relationships I am building super strong friendships, especially with CJ. He is really giving me a for sure ride or die vibe that I am not getting from Okie. I do feel like I can make a strong case for this.

"equuleus"

- I'm literally SO FREAKING PUMPED bout this MC^2 alliance with Catnip and CJ. They are being super reassuring for me which could be them covering their own ass. But, I do think that this is something I want to move forward with.

We are currently targeting Gev. And I think the guy is so sweet but he is just a little untrustworthy in my eyes. I am worried that moving forward if this alliance that I am suspicious of is true, then I could definitely be screwed. Gev has told me he wants to work with me, which is something that Natalie hasn't. I am worried about that going forward. However, I do think that CJ and Catnip desperately want me to work with them and I think Okie has me at the top of his list. Either way, I'm not going home....

...or I'll be putting my foot in my mouth

"equuleus"

- For the second time in under two weeks, I get lulled into a false sense of comfort from an immunity win and then get smacked across the face with the news of a double Tribal. However, this go around things are slightly more complex. I'm not sure what the others on this new team are thinking, because so far Gevonte and I have been getting along swimmingly--we have great conversations and our energy is about the same. However, others on the tribe (mostly Catnip because she just has to be controlling everything that happens) seem to perceive Gevonte as lacking in the social game... uhhh, alright, not sure we're playing the same game or talking about the same person. Anyways, as a result Gevonte seems to be the vote and, on a personal level I feel awful because we've become pretty close and I could see myself working long-term with him. However, it would be a big effort to try and save him which would surely give others the impression that I'm trying to call the shots and it's much better for my game to avoid that if possible. If voting according to what others want means I stay firmly in the numbers, then so it shall be. On the bright side, my relationship with Okie seems to be pretty strong now so that could come in handy later down the line.