So Close But I'm Still So Far/Confessionals

Day 36
"miranta"

- I just wanna say I’m happy that I got this far! This game has been about hitting goals with me. Making past first boot, then making it past first boot of my tribe, making it past the swap, making merge and jury, making single digits and now the finale episode! Now all that’s left is to win! So now Nicole won immunity and we’re at the F6. It’s me/Nicole/Pris vs. Andre/Hannah/Augusto. After he blindsided Luca last vote (and myself and Pris in the process) Andre is dead to me in this game especially since Nicole delivered the tea that miss Andre threw my name out and it’s crazy cuz I was actually gonna be loyal to him smh fool me once shame on you but you won’t be fooling me twice bitch know that! I’m coming for that wig

"miranta"

- Andre needs to consider himself blessed rn like he’s legit slandering me to Augusto and Hannah because he’s mad over the idol like who the fuck cares as long as somebody on our side has it? And he’s consistently throwing me under the bus to augusto and Augusto’s stupid ass is eating it the fuck up and trying to chop it up with me in PMs? Like I never tried to come for Augusto, I just wanted him out because I thought he was a threat and he’s mad that we voted for him like bitch you survived tho so get the fuck over it

"miranta"

- These bitches don’t even know how close they are to catching hands like whew the popping off point is coming

"miranta"

- The good news is Andre is with me and Augusto for real, and last vote went as planned. Yes, we took out Luca, a beauty. Tyler, Luca, and Pris, AKA the aptly named “big threats alliance” could win easily at FTC, and unlike the brains who were hiding behind the merge idol they stole from Andre and might play it on either Pris or Tyler, we knew Luca had no protection. So we took him out and flushed the idol add the same time. Tribal lines are breaking faster than America’s political unity, it’s end game time. So last round went great. This round, not so much. I came SOOOOOO FUCKKINGGGG CLOSEEEEE to winning immunity and lost by just 10 points!!!!!!! ARGHHH If I’d tried just a microscopic amount harder or woken up less than half an hour earlier I could’ve won it! I am LIVID at myself UGHHHHHHHHHH FMLLLLLLLLLL!!!!! Also now I’m the only player left with no individual immunity win which is embarrassing (but I’m also the only player left with zero votes against me wooo! Hoping to make it to FTC that way!) Oh well, at least our targets of Tyler and Pris didn’t win immunity, and Tyler and Pris will probably vote Augusto again for the 2742985488th time so I can keep my zero votes against record, so the immunity results aren’t a big deal, right?

NOOOOOOPPPE! Nicole instantly got drunk with power, and I’m talking Blake’s-drunk-texting level of drunk! I tried to message Nicole and get her on board to vote either Pris or Tyler (most realistically Tyler, since getting Nicole to vote Pris when they're in a blatant pair would be hard AF since THEY’RE THE REAL FIGTAILS, NOT ME AND AUGUSTO!) but Nicole pushed for Andre harder than Jeff Probst pushes for BIG MOVEZ, even though Tyler is going to whoop Nicole's ass if he gets to FTC! I instantly leaked what Nicole said to Augusto and Andre, and Andre was ready to pop off on Nicole in the tribe chat. But I didn't exactly wanna get exposed for leaking and make Nicole mad at me, so I told him not to. Then Nicole went into full power-drunk-Brad-Culpepper-Bradley-Kleihege-hybrid mode and THREATENED ME WITH ROCKS if me and Augusto didn't wanna vote Andre. No thanks, I’m not a fan of being rocked out. (When I said I wanted no votes against me, that was NOT what I meant!) Gee, great social game Nicole! Andre told me and Augusto that we could vote him out on the revote if necessary, showing gee soooo much effort to stay in the game and giving me all the more reason to want to keep him around. Augusto started trying to reason with Nicole too, and she STILL wouldn't budge. Now Andre is getting more and more tempted to pop off in the tribe chat, and I'm getting more and more okay with that. Nicole is 99.99999999999% not being convinced at this point, she has me frustrated AF with her, and now that me and Augusto have both talked to Nicole, hopefully she'll blame him for leaking instead of me. I don't like to personally participate in tribe chat fights myself, but if there is one, I'll grab popcorn and watch the show.

To add to the fun (not) of today, the tribe chat was talking about something that triggers the *bleep* out of me, and I think Tyler is the only player who knows why. I'm glad most of them don't know about it, and I want to stay that way. It's always possible that they'd judge me or see me differently if they knew, especially if they knew but didn't know the full story. But in PMs, Tyler was suprisingly supportive and non Judgmental, and props to him. ❤️ Honestly Tyler has defied the expectations I had in my very first confessional. At first I was fearing an intimidating, unapproachable ORG-elite, but getting to know him, he's been nothing like how I feared. He's completely approachable and the only thing actually “intimidating” about him is his winning ability, not his personality. So forget what I wrote in my first conf, I stand corrected.

"miranta"

- So that last tribal became a mess very quickly I mean I wasted an idol and Andre flipped over. So that's fun. Something Luca said on his way out that struck a chord with me was that there were two people with no shot at winning. And let's be honest I'm one of those two people. (I assume the other is Nicole who I would also probably lose to since her game is pretty amazing).

Anyway, the aftershock of that vote is that it's now Tyler, Nicole, and I against well everyone else. Since we have Nicole with us, we can tie it and I would be so down for rocks considering Nicole has immunity and I really don't have anything to lose at this point. She wants to spearhead a vote on Andre and she really did bring up a good point that he's done pretty well at challenges. I would prefer Augusto leaving of course since he's also a challenge threat as well as keeping Hannah locked up. We decide to let the others know about how we're planning to vote Andre and that's when things kinda speed up. Augusto tries to get Nicole to vote Tyler with a bunch of paragraphs which I wish he tried sending me but whatever. Andre also finally comes up to the brains chat and makes his argument. He brings up that Tyler would probably go next round if Andre left and honestly, I'm okay with that. So I am so down to vote Andre. But, this is where Tyler falters in the plan and has second thoughts.

Admittedly, I would be willing to vote out Tyler this round even but the issue would be convincing Nicole. My game is kind of in a bad spot right now and I'm sure that has to do with my social game as well as my apparent unwillingness to budge. While this will certainly piss off Tyler, maybe taking him out right now will help me a little bit.

"miranta"

- So ideally we take out Andre this vote, and then take out Tyler next vote and I end up in the finals with Nicole and Hannah or Nicole and Augusto. I don't really have a shot against anyone left anyway but I mean a small percent is better than no percent at all. Better confessional after the vote because I'm fighting a stomach ache right now oh my god

"miranta"

- So if it's not clear already I'm kind of in the goat position (for a different reason than my last season wow) so really I'm going to make final tribal no matter what given how small the numbers will be. So anyway, regarding this revote, I'm feeling really conflicted. I have both sides in my ear trying super hard to convince me to vote with them. My options are flipping on Tyler, making it a 3-1 vote, or voting for Andre and either taking him out or going to rocks. Honestly, I'm okay with rocks and I'm kinda excited for it even. So on one hand I'm like please don't be fucking stupid and vote out the obvious threat to win you Nat10 wannabe. But on the other hand I'm like please don't be a fucking dumbass and burn Tyler's jury vote and probably lose Nicole's as well along with any trust she had in you.

It's kinda obvious that Hannah and Augusto are just using me this round to get what they want since they're kinda talking down to me (and no doubt talking shit about me in confessionals which I don't blame em for) but the thing is it's way too late in the game to care about being used because technically we're all just using each other to get to the end and win at this point. I'm leaning towards taking out Tyler, and I really, really want to, but on the other hand the possible repurcussions are holding me back. Luckily the deadline got extended so I have more time to think.

"miranta"

- So again I'm trying to find any reason to vote against Tyler without pissing off Nicole. Nicole is really, REALLY adamant that we take out Andre or force rocks because she doesn't feel like we'd be safe next round. I don't want to tell her that I still have an idol because she may use it against me next round. I'm well aware that Andre, Augusto, and Hannah have a group thing going on but I'm hoping that what they're telling me about next vote is true. (Augusto saying Hannah's a threat to win, Hannah saying Nicole's a goat, etc.) I'm gonna need to do some more interrogating.

Also I'm being like super passive aggressive with them because I know they're sick and tired of having to coddle me. Fun stuff.

"miranta"

- So Pris is flipping on me because she thinks she can make the end without me so she’s cutting me. I don’t know why I’m sad exactly idk if it’s the betrayal, the fact that I had to wait so long or maybe it’s the fact that I made it so close but I’m still so far? Idk but I’m sad asf

also why is Augusto still trying to talk to me like....you already got what you wanted lol why are you still trying to have these fake convos with me like you actually like me? Nicole already spilled the tea how you and Hannah and Andre were throwing me under the bus I just wanna be sad in peace honestly

I’ll get over it but I’m kinda heartbroken rn :( sorry to everyone I failed. I tried and gave it a solid shot but it wasn’t enough at the end of the day

Day 37
"miranta"

- YASSSSSSS!!!!!! WE DID THAT!!!!!! WE GOT PRIS TO FLIP!!!!! WE GOT TYLER OUT!!!!! She was hesitant to flip because she was concerned for her own safety after Tyler's boot, since me Andre and Augusto are a trio, and she wanted her little premade figtails partner Nicole to be safe as well. So while Nicole continued throwing her rocks tantrum, I worked on convincing Pris that she and Nicole were safe and my Hangusdre trio wasn't close. I told Pris I didn't want to go up against Augusto at FTC because essentially, me and him played the same game except he did more talking and had more connections and information, so he could easily be seen as the dominant one over me at FTC. Then I told Augdre about how I had to pretend we weren't close in order to flip Pris. Of course, Pris can't get her wish of herself and Nicole both being safe. That little figtails pair will never vote against each other, so one of them (Pris) has to go before F4. Betraying Pris after jamming it down her throat that she was safe is gonna suck. I honestly like all the players, pretty much everyone on the merge tribe are people who I wanna stay friends with after the game, but once I'm done voting them off, that feeling may not be mutual. When my tribemates were unknowingly talking about the thing that triggers the *bleep* out of me and Tyler supported me in PMs, Tyler made my day, genuinely, for real. And I wanted to tell him how much I appreciated everything he said before he left, but Augusto told me Tyler salted him when he tried to talk to him, so I just (regretfully) didn't talk to Tyler. So I never properly thanked him, and now it's too late and I'll have to wait until the game is over to let him know how honestly amazing he is, and it's his last ORG so he may be long gone from the community and when this confessional is released and never see it, but I can write it and hope he's still here.

In other news, when I talked to Pris and pretended I wasn't close with Augdre, I wasn't actually pretending as much as I told Augdre is was. I actually am interested in taking Augusto out at F4 after Pris is gone, for the exact reasons I told Pris. My ideal "most likely to beat them" final 3 would be sitting with Andre and Nicole. But Augusto doesn't have to know that...

Oh and in other other news I told Augusto my score was behind his when it's actually ahead of his so hopefully he'll slack off and let me win some immuni-tea for once

"miranta"

- So first of all before I forget, Hannah randomly messaged me out of the blue like RIGHT after I complained to Andre about how she was so wordy and in my ear last round when she desperately needed my vote but now she's quiet. So that's cool, I'll take note of that.

Anywho Andre wins immunity which is a bummer because then it makes the idol play a bit more difficult. Andre proposes we take out Augusto by convincing Nicole. The issue is that Nicole wants to take out Hannah so they've been kinda at it or whatever. And I'm with Nicole here, if we take out Augusto then Andre's pretty much guaranteed to win immunity again. Course, I don't wanna say that. I wanna look neutral. Andre wants to tie it up but I tell him I don't want to because it'll risk my life, which is true. Apparently Andre's been trying to get Hannah to build animosity towards Nicole to vote her out, but according to him Hannah's voting for me, along with probably Augusto. I'll have to question them tomorrow to get a good feel. The idol's being used no matter what, it's just a question on whether Nicole or I need it.

"miranta"

- Idr what I put in the last confessional so sorry if I repeat stuff!

So Andre tells me that he's down to vote Hannah now because of how much of a jury threat she is, although he'd prefer Augusto. Anyways, Augusto tells me that he wants to vote out Hannah and Hannah tells me she wants to vote out Augusto. Sooooo, clearly they're lying. Andre tells me that Hannah is framing me as trying to take out Augusto so that's fun. Apparently Hannah (from Andre's words) said that Nicole told her that I was pushing Augusto. Nicole has been kind of silent or short in her responses and while I do trust her to vote Hannah, this does kind of solidify in my mind that my idol is for me tonight and not Nicole because I really have to be selfish and focus on self-preservation at this point. A lot of things can happen tonight and no matter what, it won't be me going this round.

"miranta"

- Nicole, Abi Maria and Russell Hantz need to have a worst social game contest. That little BIATCH wants to come for my zero votes record and ruin it, because according to what Andre leaked to me, she thinks I'm a "social jury threat" or whatever. Hey Nicole, the REAL jury threat is your little figtails partner Pris! So snap snap out of your premade already! Nicole pretty much thinks she can be bossy AF and demand whatever she wants, she did it last round with her rocks threats and she's doing it again this round INSISTING on voting for me and only me and being about as willing to compromise as a republican congressman. Oh and you know what else is fun (not)? ANDRE FUCKING FLIPPED ONE ME. Because apparently I'm a "threat to win" and I'm "socially strong" (lmfao no im not) and apparently I was primarily responsible for making Pris flip on Tyler which makes me a "threat" or whatever. First of all, I'M NOT A THREAT. Second of all, Andre is painting himself into a MASSIVE corner by voting me. Vote with Nicole, who wanted his head on a platter until he was immune and spent the entirety of last round throwing him UTB??? Gee, seems logical! And Pris's vote is glued to Nicole's, so they control half the vote at F4! Oh and Augusto flipped too which is slightly less dumb than Andre's flip since Nicole isn't blatantly after Augusto but still dumb since now he'll probably get beaten by Pris at FTC, but at least he said he might've voted Pris if Andre hadn't flipped. Well if Andre survives to FTC without immunity I'll be impressed, but he has some serious work to do 🙄🙄🙄

Welp, this is my final confessional since I'm being tragically voted out, but, as I famously said in Total Drama Olympics, "might as well exit this bitch as OTT as possible" 😘