Tired of Being the Fourth Wheel/Confessionals

Day 13
"tharros"

- HAHAHA YES! That was one good blindside, bet he never saw it coming.

"tharros"

- I found the Tharros idol before the tribal results!

The funny thing is Will was going to make that guess next. I thought for a while and then told him about the idol in the end, because we had been searching it together. He sounded really happy for me and that he was glad that someone he trusts holds the Tharros idol. I feel weird because he's playing so well for himself, but he also makes sure that I'm safe and protected. He's the only one who knows about my idol so far, and that we both are the only ones as well who knows what the Observer twist entails.

We're both probably in good positions.

"tharros"

- To add: for this reward challenge I scored behind the highest scorer so that I could hide the fact I found the idol and tone down my challenge threat level. I feel like Will’s score is a bit too low. But goodness he mentioned the mutiny thing in the alliance and based on people’s reactions I had to play it off by saying that’s the surprises of the Observer twist.

Day 14
"tharros"

- No swap! I’m surprised and a little disappointed. I’ve got nothing to do here anymore :/ I threw the last challenge because the idol is already found but we still won it, and now if we lose I have to probably vote for poor Andy who I really like.

I’m ready to crosspollinate and make some new friends!

"tharros"

- I’m reeeeally trying to carry this challenge. Not just because I want to save Andy, but because if Tharros wins Immunity we 100% won’t be in the minority at the merge. Most important challenge so far honestly.

"zama"

- our immunity challenge rn is me trying to make myself as useful as fariha so the tribe won't vote me out this time. I really hope we could win because I don't feel safe anymore

Day 15
"zama"

- I'm sick and tired of losing. The other tribe is 6-3 in comps. We had a chance to finally go back up in numbers and what do we do? Shit the bed. I busted my ASS and we still lost. And I feel responsible because it was 1 item. I could've gone and taken a pic with fish at the supermarket and we'd have won. Fuck. I really, really didn't want to go to tribal again. Now it's Fariha or Carson. I'm just irritated man. Is it that much of an issue for me to win some tribal challenges???? I'm even more motivated to win the whole thing now. God and if it couldn't get worse, the other Jack is here. The one who always manages to screw me over in ORGs. PERFECT! I'M SO GLAD HE'S HERE. Just kill me, I'm so fed up

"zama"

- i don't think i've made one of these in awhile purely because nothing of note has been happening. but with the losses we've had recently, stuff has been revealed to me.

i know i've been playing a decent social game and a pretty good strong game in competitions, but it seems i've definitely been slacking on the strategy portion.

according to jerry, an alliance of danielle, gilad, jack, and jerry was formed on DAY 3. DAY FUCKING 3... like. ugh. it just makes so much more stuff make sense now. how easily danielle turned on benj, the random vote for jason. all of that.

jerry's proposition is to get danielle, gilad, and jack to split the votes between me and fariha, and blindside danielle in a 3-2-1 vote. if this DOES work we could possibly pull off the first move of the game. but if it backfires... we could be in a worse position than we already were.

jerry wants danielle out because of her.. shady behaviors, which.. fine with me! as long as it's not me. if im able to be safe for the next 2 votes, then im good. but with this, it seems as if itd be fariha then me, which i do not want. im happy jerry wants to do something and id be glad to do it with him. hopefully it works and i'm able to escape tribal unscathed.

(also this alliance literally explains EVERYTHING including danielle's willingness to talk game in the first round but not now. gilad and jack's reluctance to give me info. all that. god...)

also the fact that jack + gilad might have my idol spreadsheet... BYE. glad i made a copy of it and removed it using the new clues because i didnt want them having it xx.

"tharros"

- Big win! Andy’s so lucky we won that, I’m really glad we did.

Nadin, Ben and Andy are my faves right now! Jacks cool but I don’t trust him, Keaton I like him out of the game but ugh I hate being on a tribe with this kid. He gets moody and says dumb shit, goes too far with jokes and just puts nooo work into social conversations. Every reply is “mhm” or “true”. Maybe I’m reading it wrong and he hates me, but I think he’s just like this?

Whatever, Final 11 feels decent.

"tharros"

- Ugh, I can't help but shake this feeling of suspicion. I don't want to feel this way, but in Survivor, people play for themselves. I don't know, maybe I'm getting riled up for nothing...

"tharros"

- Yes, Tharros tribe won! It was truly a feat of teamwork and effort.

Keaton apparently trusts me the most out of the tribe, so I'm glad with this knowledge that he won't be flipping on me anytime soon and we have similar goals!

With Will, it seems he talks to almost everyone in the tribe, but I think he considers me as his number one ally which is good for me, based on people's reactions to the Observer twist in the alliance chat and idol clues. (To quote people, "wtf mutiny??)

What I'm worried about is Jack C. and Will's connections to the other tribe, most especially Jack C since I know he could flip. Once he gets back, I'll have to keep him close to me and make sure he lets me into his plans, and using the Observer twists as an icebreaker and opportunity to talk more about the game. Just like Andy, whom I had the least talks about the game, I need to keep talking with him as well.

With Ben, I still talk to regularly, I made sure his worth was highlighted by saying he should go for the Observer twist. I don't underestimate him of course, but hopefully he trusts me as well.

To increase our tribe bond, I showed them a drawing of our tribe and it got them chatting cheerfully away in the chat!

I think at this moment, I'm in the most powerful position. With an idol in my possession and having full knowledge of the Observer twist, I think I could last til F5 and I'd probably have to go on an immunity run to the end. Got to make the correct game choices along the way!

"tharros"

- I love Keaton but he keeps bringing up our org experiences together in games which shows our close bond which makes it embarrassing game-wise, but at least maybe he finally doesn't go pre-merge here!

"zama"

- So this is my first game confessional.And this can be the last one too.I am in a huge dilemma.Gilad and Jack told me tonight's vote is Carson.But Jerry and Carson told me that tonight's vote is me and they want to change it,so they asked me to vote Gilad with them.Now I have been with Gilad from day 1,he has saved my neck till now despite the bad scores,I know this.So I should trust him.But at the same time I know that he is largely influenced by Jack.And Jack wants me out.He never talks to me except 1 min before vote.So Jack,Gilad and Danielle could be voting for me like Jerry said.In that case I must vote one of them with Jerry and Carson.But in case Jerry is lying and they vote Carson then I am voting Gilad for no reason.And that would be really bad,cause he has been so good to me.I tried to change the vote to Jack with jerry and Carson.But for some reason they want Gilad out badly and like everyone else they are obsessed with Jack like he is the boss of everything.So now I don't know which way to go.

"tharros"

- A tie-breaker in the other tribal! it was what I was waiting for - alliances split in the other tribe. Hopefully, if we swap or merge after, it should be easy to work with one side or the other!

Will and I had a lot of game talking last night. The fact that no one notices we're close is good enough for us, and in order to disassociate from each other further, I suggested he brings up about my bond with Keaton to others, so we can get information from both sides. Even at the game start, Jack C. knew Keaton and I were buds, so the "meta perception" is strong. But I'll make sure Keaton's safe as well for the rounds, while hiding behind him.

As I downplay my challenge strength over the time, I just have to hide behind certain people people in swap or merge and it should be okay!

"zama"

- I really never thought I'd be in this position. Fuck Jerry, and fuck Carson for flipping. I mean, yeah, Carson was validated but Jerry?? Totally unnecessary. He really screwed me and Danielle. Well I'm not fucking going to rocks. No sir. Gilad, you've been a good ally, but I'm not putting my ass on the line fucking PREMERGE for you. I will gladly switch my vote to get myself closer to the merge. They'd have to be functionally braindead to target me or Danielle again, because they need to salvage any relationship with us if they want to survive long into the merge. Which, of course, ain't happening. First chance it works, I'm flipping. I'll gladly ride the middle to the end. But first I have to get there. So goodbye Gilad!

"zama"

- I'm also finding that I'm still struggling to mask my threat level, or ability to take control over the game. Gilad is deeming me the alpha male threat, which while flattering and also probably him talking out of his ass, is not what I want to be seen as. I try to be accommodating and go along with everyone, while subtly pushing my opinions. But I guess I still haven't squanched that visibility enough because Gilad (allegedly) thinks Jerry will see me as a threat to him. I don't really know how I can fix this though I think it's just a subconscious thing