Board Thread:Survivor 31: Byzantium/@comment-27051229-20180418220517/@comment-19601789-20180419050356

While I will go a bit more in-depth with how I perceive people's perceptions of me and my way of talking in other questions hopefully, I do just want to say that my personal relationship with you felt genuine on my side anyway. I'm not necessarily someone to open up to others fairly quickly and in my real life, most of my relationships are very surface level as I do spread myself very thin. However, I do enjoy talking about just random stuff like we did such as dreams or fake boyfriends. I understand how this can be seen as fake as I never shared things about myself and never asked much in return, which gave off a very disinterested attitude and it is something I deal with in my regular life. I also know that my excessive use of emojis can be grating and make me seem even more disingenuous. In all honesty, I'm not really a fan of texting and much prefer to talk face-to-face where I am more engaged, plus I talk with my hands a lot so the emojis were really just a way to add that in. Just know it is something I do want to work on and recognize as a flaw.

In terms of lying unnecessarily, it was something I recognized more so after Charlie's boot where I had promised him earlier in the round that I'd let him know if he was a target and ultimately I didn't. Around this time was when I was really questioning my jury management. With the way I handled the previous boots, I don't think my chances of winning based on those actions were all that strong. In certain situations, lying and not blatantly addressing certain things wasn't the worst option based on stuff like idol paranoia (the Claire vote for example, I didn't want to suddenly talk to her after ghosting her only because I was already on thin ice and saying the wrong thing could've been worse or just like she correctly assumed when Luca and Liam talked to her after Hannah leaked her conversation in the Edessa Squad chat, she would've seen through me talking to her and could've tried to get an idol played on her which could've resulted in an ally leaving at the time). That being said, it was not a good way to go about the game and I recognize that. Even when I was genuine about things like when I told Tyler I was seriously considering writing down Andre's name as he was untrustworthy and I wanted to avoid rocks, it was pegged as "fake" because I allowed for that to be my reputation and did not allow for much to change, which caused the players in the game who did go to the jury to have a sour taste in their mouth.

I appreciate what you said about my gameplay because I honestly was very open to whatever advanced me or anyone I wanted to work with, which is another way I was seen as fake in a sense since it allowed for me to be seen as "flip-floppy". I do think having that attitude about the game helped me moving forward though as it opened doors with people who might not have wanted to work with me just because they wrote my name down in the past. I'll address the Hannah thing in other questions, but legit thank you for not roasting me and ripping me a new one!