Tiny Cuts to My Morale/Confessionals

Day 19
"moya"

- So, joan comes to me saying that we need to talk about merge plans and he starts telling me how the original wanani except me are really strong and that we should work together against them. I am like ok, tell me more, but in my mind I am like wtf, dude, I know how close you are with Dani and how you guys tell each other everything, so I wont buy anything you’re selling. And come on, I trust my Robbie more than anyone, so Joan should be worried because liars like him will be targeted first. I will tell him what he wants to hear, but I will not believe a word he says

"wanani"

- Another day in this game and I’m gonna be real, there’s starting to get like...this lethargic energy around camp. Like we’re all putting in lip service that we wanna try and win but there doesn’t seem to be any real optimism about it. And tee bee aych, we absolutely NEED a win right now. Well at least I do. I feel like there’s starting to be two distinct pairs that I’m caught in between - Dani/Grace and Drew/Augusto and the sad thing is...I feel so fucking bonded and close with both of them and could easily see all of us taking this to the endgame. So if we were to lose the challenge and be forced to whittle ourselves down even further, it’d be just so freaking heartbreaking. Thankfully, this challenge we have today is probably our one chance of beating the other tribe because, thank the Lordt, it isn’t a fucking flash game tonight. Fingers crossed things go right for us for once.

Day 20
"moya"

- "i know i havent done a conf in a few days but ive been rly busy and weve been winning so not a whole lot has happened, lemme try and do a bit of a recap

Andrea went home, and it really shook Joan up. He started panicking and getting worried about what Dani and Agus n shit were doin on the other side, which is like music to my ears. the dude was like, attached at the hip to dani, but now i have ammo against either him or dani as he did not take kindly to her oust, and thats just more leverage for me and my game. He started to kinda vent strategy to me, talking about how he was worried about the pink team ganging up on us, while still being wary of vivor. aka, he told me exactly what i had hoped hed tell me. I wanna get Vivor, Rob, Agusto, Mihai and Dani out before Aromal, Grace, Linus, Nathan and Drew, cause I genuinely think the OG Moyas have my back much more than the OG Wananis. In addition, Rob kept trying to get some kind of deal going between he and I. Idk what his angle is but its kinda sketchin me out and Id be totally fine with Rob going sooner rather than later. He seethes with sliminess. Its a bad look. Linus, Aro and I grouped up to look for the idol, while Joan gave me guesses and Alex and Rob gave Aromal guesses. Alex lied to Aro at some point about the number 93, which is hilarious since Rob gave him the correct number. So with me discovering 45, Linus 78 and Aro 93, we were able to clutch it and get the idol in Linus' pocket. Im cool with this, I do think I can trust Linus and if I feel I cant, I now have that bit of ammo against him. Its a bigger target on his winners back and I am living for it. Shit has been going very nicely for me overall in this game tbh.

Pory went home, and we were all p confused about it. Joan /might/ be dialing back on his waryness of Wanani, but im not. I dont like how close Dani and Agusto are, and their ability to draw Joan and Mihai in. I wanna keep Joan around longer than all of them, but I dont want him in endgame. Hes very connected.

Idk who my ideal endgame at this point is. I dont think im winning tbch, theres a lot of people here with hella connections and that have played amazing games, so ill deffo need to build a flashier resume in the endgame. I do think im playing well rn, but im mostly being social, gathering information and flying UTR. I can articulate myself well and I think I might be able to explain this and all the moves ive already been behind and the subtlety of my future moves, and my ability to be an active presence without being a target, but itll be an uphill battle against the likes of Dani, Nathan and Linus.

Rob tried to bait me today, saying that Aromal would be an easy first vote. Ofc since Aro is my closest ally im just gonna tell him, but im gonna soak up some more info from Rob before I do, so I can see what move i wanna make.

Im not being social enough with Vivor or Mihai, I know that, but theyre so hard to keep convo w sometimes. They just send gifs and like when i respond to them they just dip. its odd. idk if its just a personality clash or them not wantin to get too close cause they want me out eventually, but that how it is. Mihai and I did have a good mental health chat yesterday that I think was good for us and didnt feel forced, so i am not as wary of him as vivor, but its still not as strong a connection as aromal, linus and nathan. those are my boys and the 3 id be cool losing against if it came down to it.

I dont have much else to add aside from that im anticipating merge either here or next cycle, and im excited for it. This is gonna be a deep run for me, prob like 5th again or something, but im having a blast and i think ive already proved so much more from this game than my previous hallasan appearance <3"

"moya"

- So, we won immunity again and for the first time I am not that happy about it. I think Joan is such a threat in this game and I was hoping we lose because me, alex and aro could have voted him out. I feel like Alex might have wanted to vote Linus, but I think I could have convinced to do joan. Now, if we merge, Joan will be reunited with Dani and it is going to be soooo difficult to take him out. So yeah, I would have personally thrown this challenge if it was me. I think I am doing a good job at playing both sides right now, because I am in one alliance with Rob, Alex and Aro and in one with Zach, Joan and Linus and it seems that besides Rob, no one knows about my double agent work. From tonight’s discussion, I got the confirmation that joan, zach and linus dont know how close me and rob are, which is great because I wanna keep that a secret. Rob is my guy here and if they find out, they will separate us asap. I think I am in a good spot, I love being a double agent, but I must be careful because if someone finds out I will be voted out really fast.

"wanani"

- when grace courtney messages u and says ‘ive done everything i could’ u know ur done so i just gave up bc i dont have anymore energy to waste bdjsjfkwkf peace out wanani

"wanani"

- So so tired of losing. And now I'm here having to vote out Dani, who is one of my best friends just because well, who else am I going to vote out? Drew, my number one? Grace or Augusto who wholeheartedly trust me? This whole thing, this whole situation sucks and fuck I don't care that I allegedly had the most power this round according to drew, I just feel small. And I feel tired, and I just want to merge already because I think another tribal loss will just completely kill my spirit. Like losing back to back to back to back has just been tiny cuts to my morale and at this point I really don't know if any of us on Wanani have any morale to spare. Something needs to give man, hopefully our fortunes change once this tribal is done, even if it means voting out one of my oldest friends in the community.

"moya"

- "So the challenge was something I simply did not want to take part of, not after I cost my tribe the win in the Bootlist challenge, that's for sure. I did tell them my trick of using my phone's autoreplace words to type out their sentences in record time, which I feel really helped us out, removing a lot of risks from copy and pasting, and obviously, typing out. I was slightly blindsided by the other tribe actually doing so good, and I wonder how they did it, but their simple mistake saved us from a tiebreaker or tribal or something, so that was neat, no need to get freaky paranoid today.

I definitely feel save in this tribe due to Aro being there, he is not somebody who seems to be doing pisspoor at social, and by my own standards if he makes merge I will cleave him out of the equation sooner than later because I do not like floaters. It'd be a bit insulting if my tribe did go to tribal and somebody who isn't Aro went home. I actually tried guiding things that way when there was a bit of a talk in the alliance chat with Mihai, Zach and Linus. It was a very productive talk and I feel like it made Mihai better integrated into the alliance which is something I definitely wanted to happen. It seems that I can have Vivor and Zach work together for a short period of time, despite the fact that I sort of have been feeding the rivalry cold war between them by making them think the other has the idol, the fact that they both had the same alliance with me, Andrea and Grace is really funny in retrospect, there is clearly room for one, but just like in Res when Julia went home, I fully expect the other to follow like I just did, that's what rivalries do, obscure other goals. I feel a bit like Iago in Othello, only that I don't do this as revenge and I don't wish either Vivor or Zach any particular ill will and I actually do rather like them both, I just know they are people that are going to stand as threats in the long term to me, and I want some sort of pre-existing foundation that will aid me in taking them down. I'd be delusional to think they don't suspect at all of having the idol, or that they feel like something is up for me, but I feel that I have been consistent enough throughout the game that they can shrug it off as a natural paranoid instinct. Oh also, in a related idol topic, the Moya idol is gone, but we been knew, Linus probably has it.

In the other hand, I feel really worried because I've only created short-term targets in this tribe in Aro, and then down the line Zach and Vivor taking down each other. It is no good that the other tribe is viewed as all being potential allies with Drew and Nathan with Linus, Dani with everybody, Grace with Zach and myself, and Augusto being the odd one out that I do hope get's the boot sooner than later (Nathan too). Additionally Mihai seems to want some sort of NuMoya Strong thing to take place, but I kind of don't like that since I don't feel hot about Aro and Rob, the latter of whom I might change my mind on since he has finally opened up after the Tobi vote definitely ruffled him a bit. Overall, I feel like there is too many constructive connections between people and not enough destructive ones, which is bad since that means my allies might eventually realise there is another network of connections that benefits their alliance better than one that includes me. We are 12 people left in the game, soon to be 11, and at this pace I feel like I'll be swamped into a 10 person alliance if we merge tomorrow unless I chisel in the cracks. The last thing I want is a quasi-unanimous or unanimous vote in the early merge, it did not pan out in Resurrection for either me or Cali. I am learning from my mistakes, but I am still keeping it as lowkey as I can and without actually revealing my real intentions this time around."