Hey guys. I'm not going to be extra here, and I actually don't have any questions for either of you. I just wanted to talk a little bit.
In a way, it's satisfying seeing 2 of my closest allies make it to F2. I feel as though we drove the story of the season for the vast majority, be it as early as week 1/2 with our side running shit, to end game here with 2 of you sitting in the finale. Kudos to the both of you for making it.
Nick, you know how I feel. Somehow you always seem to pull it off and get to where I want to be! And I keep coming up short, which is honestly really crappy especially since this season I really felt like I had this in the bag. But I couldn't be more proud of how you were able to adapt upon your return to make it here. Most people jumped down my fucking throat on Jury just for mentioning the fact that you were very adaptable to get to F2, but I really couldn't give 2 shits what they think because you and I both saw it, and even if you don't walk out of this with the crown, we made this season our bitch. I can happily go into a long retirement feeling satisfied about how we performed. You deserve this win man, and even if you don't get it, keep your head high.
Jamie. I've spent a lot more time than I'd like to admit thinking about what to say to you. When I was evicted I was infuriated, even made a post eviction VL about it. I've never been the type to be super negative and disrespectful to the finalists. And I'd like to maintain that, so all I'm gunna do is speak about YOUR actions.
1. Your promises.
You've mentioned this I think, but you seem to have some kind of fetish for promising everyone the world. The number of times you tried to promise me things, gain leverage by making a deal with me, etc. was more than anyone else has with me in any org I've ever played. They weren't even thought about either. You act before you think, and then seem not to understand the repercussions. I get being paranoid, but you took it to a whole new level. It was such a headache trying to pretend to believe the things you were trying to sell me on, or the deals you'd try and make. Your game may have (somehow) worked on some of the other jurors, who I spent a stupid amount of time trying to convince of how you were playing (yet they never seemed to want to act on shit, so props for giving these people Stockholm syndrome). Your game never worked on me though. I saw through all your bs the moment you picked Conor over me week 2. And you not seeing that was quite a poor read because I gave up half the time.
2. Your "outbursts".
Never in my life have I played an org with someone that has acted like this. From drunkenly talking mad shit to me in the house chat during the live F5 the ENTIRE time, to randomly going off on me or having a temper tantrum, to having a mental fuckin breakdown on me when I won/was winning second HOH, you had no ability to control your emotions at times, and while it was extremely infuriating, it was also perplexing. You're extremely intelligent. We are a lot alike. But again, you don't think before you act or speak, and I don't think you understand the way you come across sometimes in those situations. This is a good transition into..
3. The day my dog died. Let's take the game out of the picture here. This was the same day actually that I won my 2nd HOH. About half way through the comp, there was an emergency. My parents had to take my dog in to get looked at and when they came home, well, let's just say that she didn't come home with them. I was dead on the inside, and I didn't know what to do. I actually was ready to just quit the season because I didn't think I could take it. But something in me just told me that wasn't a good idea. I powered through the pain and I won HOH. It sounds stupid as all fuck but after spending 2 weeks on the block, losing my F2, and having probably one of the shittiest things imaginable happen to me, this was just something I had to do personally, and emotionally.
But meanwhile, you were having a fucking meltdown temper tantrum. The entire day. You were LOSING it about a host ruling that was in a sense understandable. But not only was it NOT my decision, but the way you handled it was disgusting. You got into a gigantic fight with me and it even extended past the realm of disagreeing with the ruling, you were just being a piece of shit to me. I was already on the brink of having an emotional breakdown and you just continuously kicked me while I was down over and over. But you know what? I was the bigger person. And you didn't know initially that was happening to me. Which isn't an excuse because you never know what someone is going through therefore you should treat people how you'd like to be treated. But on top of ALL OF THIS, when I actually explained my situation to you, you had he audacity to drunkenly message me a bunch that night like "omg Mackie kEeP ME SAFE!!!" And a bunch of other shit I won't get into. This was AFTER you knew
My favourite part of this whole situation is where I actually made up with you. We made a deal and actually started working together again. I was willing to put ALL of that bullshit you put me through behind us because I knew that you were a good person and that we would significantly benefit eachother. But the second I lost power, you were running around accusing me of only keeping you safe because I was scared of your DPOV. Honestly the strength it took me to not tell you to go fuck yourself after hearing that, and having you say that to me directly was immense. You knew me by then and the person I was, and the game I was playing. Some stupid fuckin ghetto ass picture of a DPOV wasn't going to determine shit for me. If I wanted you up you were going up. But I didn't. Yet another piss poor read brought to you by Jamie. A vengeful person would say I hope you feel the way I felt that day that my dog died now. But I don't. If anything, I hope that you can learn from all of this, and use it to grow as a person.
Last but not least, this one is gunna be hard to talk about. Mainly because the specifics I can't disclose. Well, I could. But out of respect for you and your privacy I'm choosing not to. The triple is just ending. You're drunk as fuck yet again, and crying to me in PM. "Mackie I don't wanna go home" "please keep me safe please I'm begging you" "I will legitimately take you to F2 if you keep me safe I promise" I told you flat out that I knew everything you were saying wasn't true, and asked why I should believe you even slightly. You decided to "give me a significant piece of personal information that only 3 people in the community know". I did not ask you to do this, and in fact I actually pitched you a F3 deal that made logical sense at this point, because I didn't think the rest of the F5 would actually be naive enough to continue to keep you safe. But yeah, you gave me this "secret" which actually ended up being a pretty special moment for us I thought. I said some incredibly kind things to you, and IMO showed you an immense amount of respect for trusting me enough to tell me something like that. Well if you even remember it that is considering you were "too drunk to even compete" (that didn't age well)
But no! You completely lied about not competing, ignored EVERY message I sent you as soon as the double started, and single handedly sent me out the door with every opportunity to prevent it. Am I angry about you evicting me? Fuck no you'd have been an idiot not to. You had the others eating out of your hand it was embarrassing to watch for them. But the way you did it, and the fact that you disclosed that shit to me only to completely ice me without as much as even the grace to let me know what was happening, yeah. That was the moment I realized you must just hate me as a person. I've never been treated so shitty by another person in an org before. You didn't just go against me In the game, you took every opportunity to go against me on a personal level. You say you play this game emotionless, yet nobody this season was more emotional than you were. You say you "play like a psychopath" yet the things you did to me weren't 'playing the game'. You just genuinely treated me like garbage, and after having to go through all of that, it's really painful to know that you're actually about to be rewarded.
I hope winning this season is worth the burden of knowing how awful you made me feel on a personal level.
Ps: Yeah the hosts made a mistake, but you sending me a screenshot then coming to me as if you were mad at me for telling the hosts was really classless. So was waiting till hours after I was evicted to try and apologize and shit to me. It's a lovely feeling to know that our soon to be winner cares so much about the rules